Words of Inadequacy

notes from a slacker

2007-06-21T23:43:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I really find it amazing how I managed to slack the whole long holidays away. Relaxation suits me just fine, but idleness and nil achievement is another matter altogether. It leads me to wonder if my mom wonders what on earth I'm doing - because I would have no idea what to tell her.

Well, to be fair, I have been:

1) Playing too much games
"Games" should have been "game", since I've technically only been playing 三国志11 (I guess Microsoft Hearts don't really count). It's addictive and absolutely crazy. Staring at the computer screen for so long has never been so easy.

2) Playing too much Mahjong
Once a week for the last 3 weeks isn't really that bad right?

3) Finishing up with Heros
Brilliant. Did Sylar die? Did Peter and Nathan die? I want Chapter 2 NOW!

4) Attempting to sing “新不了情”
It's all 萧敬腾's fault.

5) Reading up
On subjects like investment, stocks, markets - work related. Realised that it doesn't really excite me that much and wondered if I've landed myself a wrong job, abide the good pay. Why on earth was I chosen anyway. Time will tell.

6) Doing random work
For dad. Like website creation and business card printing. The website is so simple (and not very pretty, because the writer has really a bad sense of design) that I wouldn't really bother putting the link here. Ask me if you need a laugh.

7) Deathclock counting down
Deathclock says that I have approximately 1,545,600,000 seconds left to live, i.e., I should die on Wednesday June 14, 2056. Which means I will actually live till 74. Hmm. I think the moment you put things in seconds, it seems short somehow. I do feel that "60 seconds" seems shorter than "1 minute", if you get what I mean.
Fear is another scary thing. You feel it before the moment of fear, and sometimes after. But never during. That moments freezes.

I got into quite a bad accident one fine night on 4th June. It's the first time I understood the phrase "I have no idea what hit me" really means. This taxi came across me so suddenly and sharply that my brakes couldn't avoid the collision. Luckily, no one was hurt, but surprisingly, the passengers of the taxi were literally cursing at the driver. Volunteered to be my witness, and spare me all the repair costs (claiming from the taxi's insurance). That I'm not at fault never did cross my mind, but whether everyone is alright and well. You do learn things from disasters. It's crazy, but I still drove that car all the way home, and I'm really thankful since the mechanic told me the next day that the radiator water was leaking all the way and I could have overheated the damn engine.

I should be thankful I'm still here. And I am.

And I am still slacking. =)

post-erm...everything

2007-06-13T00:08:00.000+08:00

FINALLY.

(actually I wondered who still reads this. Take this as a self-exclamation and some sort of a valid but lame reason/ excuse to not have blogged for the last goodness-how-long. Accepted? Why thank you. *smile*)

Believe me. I really did wanted to blog all of the last sem. Well, at least after finishing the thesis and all, but I had a hard time logging into blogger. Kept getting stuck without getting into this "Create new post" page. So, yes. Finally, a stroke of genius (a very slow and dense genius, but still genius nonetheless) got me downloading Firefox (told you I'm slow already) allowed me to enter blogger effortlessly. Now. Why didn't ANYBODY tell me changing a browser would help?

Don't tell me cos I didn't ask. That's my line.

It's good to be back. I feel rusty and my dictionary seems to be eroding away, leaving behind numbers and words like "elasticity" and "welfare". Bleah. Sorry for the lack of creativity in the next few posts till I get my touch back. And in case I don't, gosh, it means this blog will be a horrible read.

Ah. June. It's the end of... well, almost everything actually.

Thesis.Exams.School life.
Grad trips - Korea and Taiwan.
Loads of fun - enjoying it before work starts.

I'll touch on them slowly but surely.

Last sem was seriously quite fun. The only serious piece of work seemed to be the thesis, which was actually enjoyable. It was a lot of getting to know more econs people who technically has been studying the same damn thing as me for the last 4 years. It's amazing how much I squeeze the getting-to-know-them-in-4-years part into one sem. Barring all negativities I have about NUS, this is what makes varsity life more like varsity. I would love to sincerely thank everyone who made the honours room so alive. The outings keep on coming, but you know we Singaporeans never say such thanks in person, and because I am such a typical scared-to-look-awkward Singaporean, I would only write it here. But you know I mean it.

Going to work is like this scary thing now. It's like going into army or going overseas to study where you seem to disappear for a long long time. You have a checklist of things to do, people to meet before work starts, as if work is going to consume you (maybe it will). "Oh, better do this before you start work", "better do that".

It's almost silly. But you know, like I always say, I'm so typical that I'm behaving silly too.

But silly is good sometimes. It retains that bit of innocence left in us. I'm taking time to review and update my contact lists, write thank you cards to my Commander in army and Professors in school, write e-mails to people whose friendships I once swore to myself that I'll never give up.

The sad truth is that sometimes we forget and let other priorities run us down. There is nothing more sad than to forget forever.

This time, I hope to get them right again.

Yeah, that explains this blog too. =)

results

2007-01-15T21:38:00.000+08:00

"What happens if you can't get the results?" he asked, out of concern, and probably a little stress. "I can't really help you, you know?"

I sigh under my breath, but pulled out my conviction and most true thoughts.

"I know everyone does a thesis to get some sort of expected results. After all, grades matter. But if I don't try, I will never know right?"

"So you will still report it if the results are trivial?" Still cautious. I fully understand why.

I commit myself. "Yes I will."

ah, the great outdoors

2007-01-08T21:46:00.000+08:00

The moment you thought it was going to be rainy everyday, Singapore turns on the heat. For once in a long long while, I was actually sun-burnt.

Then again, what other better way to end the (way too short) hols?

It started with the KL trip. Hot, scorching, red.

Then it was Raffles Trail at RI, where I just sat and watch. Pure, pure nostalgia.

Then it was Wild Wild Wet. Burnt shoulders and rosy cheeks.

Then it was soccer on sunday morning 10am to 2pm. Tired thighs and hurt ankles. Did I mention hot again?

And then it was finally school again. With the new funeral-like canteen in arts and ever noisy Econs people in Honours room playing bridge. You heard that right.

I love moral hazard. *grin* Bridge, DotA, mahjong, soccer, gym anyone? When? During term time of course. When else?

the chase - a New Year Entry

2007-01-05T12:42:00.000+08:00

All so often, we like to chase the stuff that eludes us. And maybe forget those that we already had.

Wants, desires, love.

The more they make us work for them, the more we want them. Ignore and take for granted those we already owned.

Cling on to the ones we think we might lose, yet not fully appreciating what we have.

How warped.

"You can be a mama's boy or a daddy's boy,

but you can't be both."

- Mitch Albom, in "for one more day"

For the First Time

2006-12-25T04:35:00.000+08:00

They've always said Christmas to be peaceful and tranquil.

Yet, the most serene moment was when I'm driving home down the PIE at 3am after supper, listening to "For the First Time" on Class 95.

Can this be real
Can this be true
Am I the person I was this morning
And are you the same you

Almost sedated.

~~~~~

And indeed, this is the first time I blogged almost all semester. For the First time, in almost 4 months. Forgive me.

It had been a crazy semester. It felt like just yesterday when the sem began, but yet it also seemed like a dreaded forever for it to be over. Sometimes I wonder how that could be possible, but it did.

I wondered if it has been rewarding. Got to know many more Econs Honours student, much more than I ever knew existed in the last 3 years. Lost contact with many others, especially with those who graduated and entered that new phase of life before the rest of us. Embroiled in the battle between desire to push into 1st Class Honours or to take it easy and be contented. Fought, and lost the battle, and thus the war. Noted with a painful sigh that I just wasn't good enough.

Such a long time ago
I had given up
On findin' this emotion
Ever again

~~~~~

But I am back. To write. To tell stories, and to hear.

I apologise. It's been frustrating trying to log into the "new blogger" the last week or so. Tried and tried, and failed till today.

So do drop me comments, tell me stories, share life with me. It truly matters. =)

meant not to be

2006-09-01T00:30:00.000+08:00

It's a cool, drizzly, foggy night.
A mist caused by the falling of midnight dew.
Scent of freshness of a washed world.

One of those nights which you can either snuggle away, curled up in your comfy bed or let those stream of reflections emerge. Or better, do both.

Of so many things, it was meant to be. Or not meant to be. Or meant not to be. Do they all mean the same thing?

A case of missed opportunities, chances slipped by, lack of action. Or is it destiny, fate. Or are they all essentially the same?

Regret sometimes come packaged with an ignorant acceptance of second-best, conscious contentment with subconcious dissatisfaction.

But what would we give up for perfection? Maybe nothing? Because perfection might not be perfect after all; what we have now may be good enough.
Or is that an escapist's excuse of denial?

spiritual machine

2006-08-29T00:27:00.000+08:00

I must have, somehow, accumulated a lot of bad karma.

Had lost 2 phones in the span of less than 3 months, the latter stolen (by someone who has every intention to do so) over the last weekend.

But thanks to my fantastic 4C gang and dearest Chelsea, I had a pre-birthday present. And thanks to Nokia PC Suite backup - it almost felt as if I had never lost it.

~~~~~

They put so much things into a handphone these days that it seemed to have given that machine a soul. The messages, the personalized ring tones, candid pictures. People do grow attached to their phones.

I was thinking, equipment like that was meant to give us all a better life. Cars, phones, laptops. Somehow, we ended up maintaining and looking after all these stuff that were bought (supposedly) to look after us. We get so miserable when they are damaged or lost, we vouch to make more money to replace/ repair them.

That's how people started complaining about having no time, no leisure. To fund these wants, to start this cycle that doesn't really seem to end. But these stuff do give us a better life, don't they?

Now I shall ponder what constitutes a better life. The trade-off gets more and more blurry.

just being.

2006-08-23T20:05:00.000+08:00

I had a couple of chats with some old friends over the week. The topic, as suspected, revolves around school, future working lives, relationships and how time is a cruel constraint.

I was thinking, but didn't comment (as I was still thinking and trying to get those thoughts into proper sentences). I thought, with just thoughts of all these stresses and time-consuming stuff, it's no wonder this world got itself into this sticky web of inescapable vicious circle.

Whatever happened to just being?

Everyone is so worried about working life and making big bucks in the "real world" (whatever that means). It seems, everyone wanted to do more than what they could handle (I've heard many versions, the all time favourite is "pushing beyond your limit"). Maybe I too, got entangled into this sticky web of trying to play God and trying to create a destiny to call my own. Do everything and anything, trying to be nice to everyone.

It's tough. So look up the dictionary for the meanings to "limit" and "destiny".

I shall try to be content with just being. Turn off for a while, sometimes. Will not be easy. Sigh.

"How could you read a book if there were no spaces between the words?
And what would music sound like without its intervals?"

~~~~~

Dirong said we started with a dream, a vision, when we're young. Much younger.

Conformity robbed us of it. Convention knocked the edges off it. Realist-ify our dreams into tame hopes.

We learnt the language of this new world, and forget that of our dreams. It is almost as if we had lost it.

If you still recall that vision, that dream, guard it with all your life.

the problem with memories

2006-08-20T12:31:00.000+08:00

I woke up (not so bright and early) today, drowsy with sleep whilst trying to remember all that had happened in the past 2 weeks or so.

The problem with memories is not that they are not true. Nor that they could be exaggerated or even selective in nature.

It's just that there's so much of them to write down and ruminate upon. It almost seems that everything that happened to me over the past 2 weeks would take me a lot more time to write down than it actually took to happen.

So many words were said, so many mental pictures were taken. So many emotions were felt.

Life is fascinating.

Archers 4

2006-08-03T22:21:00.000+08:00

We've been called by many names.

It started with Bridge 4, somehow became Gay 4. The Inner Circle. Now we almost became Dota Noobs 4.

Whatever happened to "Archers 4"? We deserved that! =)

Thanks fellas. Fantastic 3 years of shooting.

Quod Petis Hic Est

2006-08-02T00:21:00.000+08:00

"What You Seek is Hard"

~~~~~

NJC Archery competition over, work ending soon, CORS started, a new semester awaits.

I realised I have not really, truly blogged in a while. Despite many thoughts and events, the energy to write just isn't there.

Jolts of thoughts hit me today. Frenzied thoughts-striking clouds. I think this blog needs a revamp to be revived. It just doesn't look fresh anymore.

Like so many things in life, relationships, actions. We need that new injection of novelty once a while. To recharge and even to protect against undesired "viruses". To always pursue, seek and figure out that extra something that we have never found out yet.

And now, I need to seek for new inspirations. To ponder over, to write, to keep my thoughts alive. And the most exceptional thing is that in the midst of doing so, I remembered the good times that made me alive. Downloading pictures of the last NJC Archery Competition, remembering the steamboat dinner; could any memory be more alive than that now?

further education

2006-07-31T23:11:00.000+08:00

"Mom," he said, "what is the point of going to school to learn some more?"

"You've got to learn more," she replied, "to protect yourself from what you already know."

~~~~~

If that line could knock some sense into some of the kids I had at the tuition center, I would try.

If any, it would confuse them. That's still worth it.

out and back again

2006-07-04T11:16:00.000+08:00

The Thai Ronald MacDonalds!

Sorry the updates have been slow, but it has been quite an heck of a week. Been to Bangkok (my 3rd time frankly) and back with my family over the 23rd June weekend. Like most visitors from around the world, they will agree that Bangkok is about cheap food and good shopping. As this is a clean and conservative blog *cough*, we shall look away from the vices of the city.

Chapter 1: Food

Dunkin' Donuts!

More yummies!

Chapter 2: Shopping

Went with 3 luggages, and back with 6.
Trust me, I had LITTLE to do with that.

Chapter 3: Family

And it all boils down to time spent with family. =)

~~~~~

Went for a Sec 1 camp with Orchid Park Secondary School from 28th to 30th June with the likes of Ben and ZC under Protege Company. Acted as facilitator/ instructor for the kids. Spare cash aside, this was really something I enjoy doing, and seemed to have been doing for a great part of my life.

Camping, outdoors, instructing, organising, touching lives. Such a lovely combination!

It is always from such situations that you learnt, and find out how the little things bring you such satisfaction and carefreeness.

It is a pity I'll probably not see my group of 16 again, but I've relived my life in the way I've always enjoyed living before. That's enough for me.

~~~~~

I've recommissioned my arrows, and shot with my wooden bow last Saturday. Training with the people I've trained with since year 1 makes me feel as if I've never left the sport. Maybe never really truly left.

Out and back again.

I'm grossly unprepared. Equipment in less than tip-top conditions. The feeling of holding the bow is just starting to come back, but very much less than ideal. It'll be a fun last shoot for me no doubt. Oh well, didn't they all say that it's the process that matters?

half empty

2006-06-20T23:12:00.000+08:00

Fumbling his confidence
And wondering why the world has passed him by.
Hoping that he's bid for more than arguments
And failed attempts to fly.

In a period of uncertainty fraught with doubts, the best thing to happen to you is to meet someone who could unknowingly show you the way.

There will always be this person. There will always be this happy-go-lucky, not brilliant but not stupid, uncomplicated and not-so-ambitious fella in your circle of friends. The person your group of friends shared simple laughters with, and poked fun at each other.

And perhaps that was what I felt as I bumped into Ernest on the train last Thursday. Good'ol BMT mate who went on to secure a PSC Scholarship and studied in Imperial College, UK, now back to finish his NS.

Good fella. Simple. Sentimental. Happy-go-lucky, but definitely smart. We chatted all the way to Tampines, and even watched many of his buses pass us by at the bus stop. He could hardly recognise me on the MRT, he said, claiming that I looked older (later tactfully changed to "more mature", but nope, didn't make me any happier haha), perhaps in my working clothes and all.

Chatted of old times, old friends, and the future. And here we have, a PSC scholar lamenting about the constraints of a 6-year-bond civil service career, and an Econs undergraduate complaining how he has to struggle to get himself a good and stable job upon graduation. He insisting that the money is in the private sector, and me envying him of the prospects of an well-routed career to eventual policy administration.

The half full way is the typical: The grass is greener on the other side.
The half empty way: The shit is stinkier on my side.

I think Ernest was more than God-send, to have bumped into me that day. In a time when my belief in myself is wandering, his belief in me made me stronger.

As I expressed my worries about not being to find a good job, he told me that "someone of my calibre and personality need not worry" with so much genuineness that it touched me. I must have done something right in the army.

At that very moment, some worries were straightened out, and I know that to continue to inspire and do "right" for myself, I would need to seek out a niche for myself where I can find that particular motivation that drives me. It's too easy to get lost in reality.

We were meant to live for so much more.
Have we lost ourselves?

~~~~~

In a period of bustle and hassle, it is sometimes in the strangest of all things that we find tranquility on a Friday evening.

Midst of setting up.

About done!

I find an empty Multi-Purpose Hall freshly set up for archery indoor competition particularly serene. No competitors, no noise, no stress. Just the sense of satisfaction in the air upon completion of the set up. A quiet awe of how hard work can transform the hall into a tidy looking competition ground. Aligned rows of target boards, neat ground markings of masking tape and clear bold numbers indicating the lanes and targets.

I like the peacefulness; almost like an hideout. There is just so much emotions and memories tied to such events that I want to go through it again and again. I couldn't resist grabbing some umbrella pins and setting up the targets again.

Satisfaction isn't always hard to achieve.

We were meant to live.
We were meant to live.

disconnected again

2006-06-13T19:10:00.000+08:00

Loyalty is another strange thing.

Loyalty gets rewarded, as I avoided the additional frustration of losing all my contacts along with my handphone after I discovered that I had (fortunately) backed up my stuff from my (now gone) hardy 7610 onto my PC. Never mind if the last backup was done before I flew to US, at least I had a large part recovered. The contact list is compatible, thank goodness.

Loyalty makes you narrow-minded. I'm sure the next time this happens, I'll pop right by the Nokia section first even before recalling the existence of other brands. Hey, Nokia PC Suite is a brilliant program.

But well, I'm back connected. With my brand new Nokia 6280. With thanks to the Progress Package.

You know how some people will feel awfully naked without their mobile phones around them? Throw in the frustration especially if they had lost it instead of just misplaced it.

For me, naked, no but frustrated, yes, a bit, maybe. But I was more in disbelief, especially since I found out that I lost my phone within minutes of me losing it. Probably dropped it while running for the bus. Got off at the next stop and ran back but it was gone. That will go down in history as my first expensive item (handphone, watch, wallet etc) lost. I'm usually not that careless.

Then you know, the next stage is the one of self-denial and self-consolation?

All the "yup, always a first time for everything, even carelessness; wasn't really my fault" and "it was lagging badly ~~with 3200 smses in my inbox~~ and probably dying anyway" and "time for a new one I guess" and "fortunately, my contract is up and I haven't renewed the plan yet".

Humanly responses are strange.

Oh. No time to blog. I got to go play with my new toy.

something missing

2006-06-05T20:28:00.000+08:00

For the past week, I felt that same feeling.

That empty feeling.

Something missing. I know. But what?

Tried going out. But it was such a horrible experience squeezing with the crowd on the weekends. Suntec was a bad choice last Saturday with the IT Fair, and Bugis was not any better with 扬丞琳 coming to town. The crowds gave me a really bad headache. The weather is draining; can you imagine the sun setting at only 7.15pm?

Definitely not it.

Stayed at home. Course during the weekdays, back home for dinner, then switch on the computer during the time in between before TV watching at night.

Why does my computer look so empty.

And then it strike me.

Don't laugh. It's a guy thing.

I need a game.

Yes, a computer game. To indulge in the make-believe fantasies of heroism and dreams, for the times inbetween. Well, that's why games allow you to rename the main character, you know. We deserve to be the hero once in a while =)

峻峰将军出动攻击！

Childish. I know *wince* but I need a 古装 outfit to complete it. oh well.

"closure for all your regrets..."

2006-05-28T22:44:00.000+08:00

I have somewhat a pretty good memory.

Especially of what people has said or written. Sometimes they strike me at the moment it was spelt out, causing me to indulge in moments of quiet reflection soon after. Sometimes they come back to me after a while, when the situation fitting the statement arises, it seems.

This is really why no man is an island. Everytime I meet someone, something said or written is bound to leave an impression, that will leave me with much afterthoughts.

It was one of those nights with many thoughts in my head that this line stood out. That in life, we sometimes would really have to find "closures for all our regrets...". I struggled a while to recall who wrote that, and I remembered. =) Thank you.

While it is so simple a line, it is definitely hard to do. And at times, closures aren't always the best way to deal with regrets. They come back, every once in a while. And it's so hard. so so hard, to really put an end to regrets.

"...thought I'd be safe,

living behind this wall..."

- "How Do I" by Lee Ryan

As I toyed with that line over and over again in my head, it just brings about streams of regrets. Some I've forgotten, some I've dealt with. Some, I've yet to see the full consequences, are happening now and slowly unfolding along my life journey.

For those dealt with, I'm glad. They have allowed me to move on, and probably even have done better.

For those I've forgotten, I hope they don't come back to haunt me. They say it's never too late to chang anything, but that's not always true; there are just some things that are too late. A remedy is never going to be as good as a cure or prevention.

For those that are happening now, I can only work hard at them, turning regrets into new hopes. I then wondered if Time is on my side, as I seek a closure for all of them. I doubt it, but yet I cannot afford to let them accumulate and get me down.

For all the questions I have no answers too, I hope I seek them out soon. Before I entrap myself.

thought-provoking Simpsons...

2006-05-20T01:40:00.000+08:00

... is not an oxymoron.

I was flipping through the channels today (and you will realise that cable TV has more to offer than ESPN) and settled down watching an episode of The Simpsons.

So 1990s.

To be exact. Season Number 3, Episode Number 53, Titled "Separate Vocations", First Aired on February 27, 1992.

Hate to admit, but it was half an hour of thought-provoking entertainment.

For non-Simpsons fans, I apologise, but you should at least know the famed animated family. And while it's hard to relate to the episode without having watched it, here's the rough synopsis.

It's an unusual day at Springfield Elementary School, as the teachers administer the all-important Career Aptitude Normalizing Test (CANT), which will determine what is the ideal occupation for each student, after the test goes through this agency that says "Deciding your Destiny since 1928" *laughs*. Both Lisa Simpson and Bart are quite taken aback when they get their results -- scholarly Lisa, who has ambitions of a career as a jazz musician, is told she's best off becoming a housewife, while underachieving hellion Bart gets word he'd make a fine police officer. After Lisa's music teacher tells her that her stubby fingers would make a career as a musician unlikely, she develops a bad attitude and starts handing out with a gang of chain-smoking fifth-grade delinquents. Bart, on the other hand, becomes a hall monitor and discovers he enjoys being the long arm of the law (authority). But both Bart and Lisa have to take a long look at their recent behavior when the special teachers' editions of all the school's textbooks go missing -- and Bart discovers his sister is the culprit and takes the rap, winds up with six hundred days in detention, and returns to his life as a bad student and detention regular.

I was sniggering out the idea of this big government agency deciding the fate of its citizens. Like "Hey Kenneth, from the aptitude test, I think you were meant to be a boring Professor stuck in NUS, making new students yawn everyday." Big conspiracy theory. Whatever happened to "freedom of choice" and "everyone is unique"?

And you know. What happens if somewhere along your life, someone told you that your life is never going to turn out like your dreams? If someone took away your dreams and turn it into an illusion? How would one react? What would one do? Accept, adapt and be defeated? Fight and pave dreams?

Plus, despite The Simpsons being so insane, they have some pretty good quotable quotes. And if you look at the funny ones in agood light, they actually make hell a lot of sense.

Check these out:

Lisa on her life. Sadly inspiring. The meaning of dreams?
"Well, I'm going to be a famous jazz musician. I've got it all figured out. I'll be unappreciated in my own country, but my gutsy blues stylings will electrify the French. I'll avoid the horrors of drug abuse, but I do plan to have several torrid love affairs, and I may or may not die young. I haven't decided."

Edna, the school teacher, on the aptitude test.
"Some of you may discover a wonderful vocation you'd never even imagined. Others may find out life isn't fair, in spite of your Masters from Bryn Mawr, you might end up a glorified babysitter to a bunch of dead-eyed fourth graders while your husband runs naked on a beach with your marriage counselor!"

Almost-Sweet brotherly ending.
Lisa: "Bart, why did you take the blame?"
Bart: "Because I didn't want you to wreck your life. You got the brains and the talent to go as far as you want. And when you do, I'll be right there to borrow money."

*****

More Trivial Stuff.

1) Do you know that very attractive men and women earn at least 5% more per hour than people with average looks?

2) Plain women earn 5% less than women with average looks, and plain men earn 10% less than average men.

3) Most employers pay overweight women 20% less an hour than women of average weight, while men who are slightly overweight earn 26% more than their underweight co-workers.

4) Of men with vurtually identical resume, the taller man will be hired about 72% of the time.

Now you know what to do.

*****

It is strangely inspiring, the episode I mean. That despite life being realistically unfair, we should know that we have the will and ability to go as far as we want.

And when you do, tell me. I'll be there to borrow money.

snail observing

2006-05-15T09:43:00.000+08:00

I think it poured last Friday.

Nevertheless, it was one of those days in which the snails come out from the grassy areas to prevent being flooded out (I think).

Somehow, I spent a good half an hour observing one of them, wondering why it is so far out from the grassy area, a good 3 feet from the green border, putting itself highly at risk with the stampedes of unwatching giants and two-wheeled tanks.

I was quietly amazed, at how this creature survived in this evolutionary world. So vulnerable with its (lack of) speed. And its shell isn't really exactly that hard against the falling skies of rubber soles, painfully witnessed from its many crushed compatriots along the pavement.

As I stood wishing under my breath that it would quickly crawl back into the safe green zone, it really started to move! Edging towards the straight border of the cold hard pavement, leaving behind a slimy trail. So slow that it was almost unnoticeable, but the square cement tiles helped. And I wondered if it ever felt it was slow; because I was getting so worried myself that it might not make it back in time before another bicycle comes along into its path.

Slowly, but surely, it was heading in the right direction.

But to my horror a few moments later (ie 10 minutes, but a few moments from the snail's perspective), it started to turn 90 degrees, putting itself on a very much longer route towards home after travelling about 1 feet from the original position.

I panicked.

And felt so helpless.

Could I help by using a leaf to poke it back into the correct direction? Or even let it crawl onto the leaf and bring it to safety? I was even contemplating just grabbing it and putting it back into the grass.

My eyes were transfixed on the snail. And to my relief, it started to turn another 45 degress back to a diagonal route towards home. Nature works in such marvellous ways.

I had to leave after the 30 minute drama, and hope that it gets home safely.

Goal in mind. Passion in heart. Surely, even if slowly, you'll get there.

the crossroads ahead

2006-05-10T19:53:00.000+08:00

After a blissful week of slacking after my last paper ended, I just knew reality would hit in soon. After all, a fantastically rosy picture of the world never really existed.

Now as I continue to float along the path of academia, I could no longer pretend to ignore the looming mist ahead one year from now. Of not just simply a career choice, but really what I want of my life from that point on.

As I think about my goals, passions and what the world has in store for me, I start to wonder if really, there was going to be a demand for Econs graduates. Was I going to study so hard for a subject I like for nothing? Is the degree going to be an end-all of my education?

No internship as of today. All the interviews. All the effort. I think reality has a way of putting me down into my self-pity state. Am I really that undesired by the working world out there?

It's just strings and strings of incoherent thoughts striking my mind.

Was I going to regret not taking up triple science in JC? Or double maths? Or Law in NUS? Or even Business? So that my choices are more limited. And decent. And more wanted.

What choices lie ahead for me? So far, all it seems are being an insurance agent or even MLM business. Am I going to study so hard at a degree for that? Will I be happy doing sales? Is it really for me? Possibly losing friends?

Further my studies and be a prof? And then what, teach?

Work in a MNC/ bank/ whatever, get stuck at some executive post with a decent fixed income and watch all the scholars climb ahead?

Maybe I was brought up in an environment that tells me that life holds so much for me. And now I start to doubt, and start to lose that confidence. Maybe I really wasn't as good as I make myself out to be after all.

And what do I want out of life. Lots and lots of money? Job satisfaction in something I like to do that doesn't involve haunting people like an irritant? All I know is, I want to making an honest, decent living. Stress is fine, but something that I must be able to do with pride and not something that will keep me up all night worrying if I've made the right choice.

I don't even know what I'm writing anymore. Argh.

Life Is Wonderful

2006-05-04T05:17:00.000+08:00

It takes a crane to build a crane
It takes two floors to make a storey
It takes an egg to make a hen
It takes a hen to make an egg
There is no end to what I'm saying

It takes a thought to make a word
And it takes a word to make an action
It takes some work to make it work
It takes some good to make it hurt
It takes some bad for satisfaction

La la la la la la la life is wonderful
Ah la la la la la la life goes full circle
Ah la la la la la la life is wonderful
Ah la la la la

It takes a night to make it dawn
And it takes a day to make you yawn brother
It takes some old to make you young
It takes some cold to know the sun
It takes the one to have the other

And it takes no time to fall in love
But it takes you years to know what love is
And it takes some fears to make you trust
It takes those tears to make it rust
It takes some dust to have it polished

Ah la la la la la la life is wonderful

Ah la la la la la la life goes full circle

Ah la la la la la la life is wonderful

Ah la la la la

It takes some silence to make sound
It takes a loss before you found it
It takes a road to go nowhere
It takes a toll to make you care
It takes a hole to make a mountain

Ah la la la la la la life is wonderful
Ah la la la la la la life goes full circle

Ah la la la la la la life is wonderful

Ah la la la la la la life is meaningful

Ah la la la la la la life is wonderful

Ah la la la la la

- Jason Mraz

"自-high"

2006-04-28T18:43:00.000+08:00

If you're going bonkas from studying, and display inclinations towards doing silly things and getting a kick out of it at the end, Kathleen called it "自-high".

See how creative Singaporeans are? *beams*

Actions include laughing at self-created lame jokes (that no one else catches anyway), throwing grapes high up in the air and trying to land it in your mouth, posing stuff toys in attempts to encourage yourself from studying. Laughing uncontrollably at the end is a MUST.

Studying can be pretty upsetting. Don't be disheartened. You're not alone. Look who's here to share my burden!

Pandy (my stuff toy panda given by Chelsea~!)
with the classic Livestrong Band.
All prepared in the race to be the Beijing 2008 Official Mascot

Kathleen's Tigger with Jolene's specs.
Looking intelligent on Jolene's laptop.
An excuse for Jolene NOT to touch her laptop.

the great SEP hangover

2006-04-18T22:15:00.000+08:00

I've printed out my timetable for the exams.

Sorted out all my notes into 5 neat piles.

ABOUT finished all my papers to be handed in before the exams start.

But you know what is the worrying thing? It's not the fact that I'm not that stressed, but the fact that I'm STILL trying to stress myself, trying to convince myself that the exams are really just around the corner, 2 days from today.

It's called the great SEP hangover. I'm not alone, I know, because 3 other people I've met (Glenn, Shuli and Ray) are facing the same crisis. It's this "huh, study? not all S/U like last sem meh? relak la!" mentality that will wipe us off the face of the flawlessly cruel NUS system.

~~~~~

The other really scary thing is that I'm not having any exams in any MPSH this sem. Which means I'll not be part of the famed heat-trapping, staircase-crawling crowd. All part of the exams festive spirit to get you into the mood of things, no? =) I'm missing out! So jealous! =p

AND my largest seat number is 23, with the smallest being 13. Says a lot about the size of my classes, and I suspect this will be the norm henceforth.

~~~~~

For those seeking moments of inspiration, you might like to try the following link.

www.Kenneth.youaremighty.com

Dear Jason

2006-04-16T00:21:00.000+08:00

Thank you for your e-mail, and if you see this somehow, welcome home! =) I'm sure Europe has been a blast.

Thank you for your e-mail, because it has been the nicest surprise all week. Probably even all month. You made me realise how pragmatic we have all became, or will become, and made me remembered how it was like in the good old days. Dreamers, idealists and life filled with nonsensical laughters. Pragmaticism depresses us all, even killing sentiments, with every breath of reality we take in. Thanks for reminding me how we were like before! I still have some left in me =)

Thank you for your e-mail, because it reminded me also of the days when we chatted at ends. From notes to phone calls. Sharing of hearts and life-stories, witnessing life unfold close-up and sharing the moments. The process, of really getting to know another person. Ah, I missed that. That sounded awfully gay, but you know what I mean, don't you, silly cow? *laughs*

I'm so happy you've passed the exams, Dr Low. Another phase begins, and I wish you all the best. I've always held you in high esteem, and even times when I wanted to be more like you, so I'm sure you will make a fine doctor. Real lives are in your hands now!

I hope you're fine too. We've learnt much from life's experiences. Time has passed and we must move on. Sometimes we wondered how we had so much energy and courage in our younger days, but it is more important to know that if we had done it before, we can do it again. Bear faith.

I doubt I can ever write as well as you can, and so hope sincerity rules. =)

Many cheers old friend,
Kenneth

又想，深夜

2006-04-09T00:57:00.000+08:00

近来想到，已很久没待到深夜。
习惯了早睡早起，而且也经不起一天的疲倦。

又想起，
深夜总是好的。
深夜曾让我在 ICQ/ MSN 上认识了许多知己，发展了许多友谊，了解了更多朋友。
深夜使人安静，有时间有心情将纷乱的思绪端出来，一一清理，一一苦诉。

却又想，
有时互相认识，也只不过是断断续续的在网上交谈，断断续续的发送几个 sms。
应用科技之外，彼此几乎并未见面。
就算见面，真正谈心的时刻又有多少？可能还少过在网上交谈。

又想，
写 blog 是自己和自己玩游戏，是自己要和自己过不去。
好事件写不到半篇，因为乐在其中。
怀事件就连篇成章，因为无人苦诉。

又想，
读我 blog 的人也和他自己过不去。
时中时英，有时中英合并，双不到佳。
时乐时悲，有时某名奇妙，胡说八道。
时有时无，有时三天半月，无不一篇。
真是为难了读者！

萧邦的夜曲已弹到了尽头，深夜却还没到。
我的同谋，电脑，虽还尽力充沛，但我却已倦了。
做不完的功课，解不完的问题，烦不完的烦恼，都把他们抛开。

又等不到深夜。

我只好说声，“晚安了，朋友”。

"to be a better man" chant

2006-03-30T23:41:00.000+08:00

For the whole of today, a phrase raged in my head,
a phrase that has been my personal principle for treating people for as long as I can remember.

“人可负我，
我不可负人。”

Resounding it was, almost a chant.
As I withstood the temptation to succumb to giving a black face and almost-sarcastic remarks. As I fought my tiredness to do my part to help.
As I struggled to as good-tempered as before.

I will not let my 座右铭 down. =) and will press on to be a better person!

失望

2006-03-22T20:52:00.000+08:00

天地之大，难道就真的无容我身之处吗？

学成归来。无教如何学？
落地根生。无地如何落？
飘洋过海。寻找新梦想。

wordplay-ed

2006-03-18T01:38:00.000+08:00

The wizard of wordplay, Jason Mraz, was brilliant yesterday at the esplanade.

The way he moves, the way he coos, the way he makes every song his own, changing lyrics, tunes, beats and rhythm. His jokes, his stage presence. His songs. His words. His touching lyrics.

I'm totally charmed, entertained and in awe. Sheer delight to see him live. I'm sure everyone in my weird-looking combination of a group (Gene, Charissa, Francis, Amy, Pat, Wan Ling) agrees.

This medley, despite doing him no justice, represents all the claps I've given.

"You and I both loved
what you and I spoke of,
Others only dream of the love that I love

It takes no time to fall in love,
but it takes you years to know what love is

And what will happen to the origins of sound
after all the sounds have sounded

Dance with me,
because if you’ve got the poison,
I’ve got the remedy.

I wont worry my life away.

Life comes full circle.

I’m gonna be happy with the way that I am
I’m gonna be happy with all that I stand for
I’m gonna be happy now because the boy’s going home."

sexuality (3)

2006-03-15T23:17:00.000+08:00

Of all coincidences, a funny mail came into my inbox today.

Just after the last entry entitled "sexuality (2)", so this entry is thus boringly named.

check it out.

http://computing-dictionary.thefreedictionary.com/Condoms
try clicking on the "sex" definition link

computing geeks *eyes roll*

~~~~~

FINALLY bumped into June Kiat today. Not seen him ever since I came back!

Of all places, Linger Cafe. Where else, would you find a devoted rock-climber and a heck-of-a-friend? The short catching up don't seem long enough. Another time then, my friend. =)

Sports ball 2004
Yup, I know. Now the Brokeback joke's on me.

sexuality (2)

2006-03-14T21:17:00.000+08:00

I did this rather interesting questionaire today at the canteen, its title being "Sexuality (2)", conducted by the the Psychology department.

Somehow I thought it was quite unfair, as they defined "sexual acts" to include "hugging, kissing, petting" etc, and not just sexual intercourse. There were statements like "I feel like a sexual person" and "I have a good sexual life" and "I can make my partner perform sexual acts if I want to" and I have to rate it 1-5, 1 being strongly disagree and 5 being strongly agree.

Is the world getting more liberal with the meaning of the words or is it just me?

But of course, the whole point of this entry is that it reminds me (plus after a lunch conversation with Ben, Charissa and Zhan Tao) of a photo I took during the Archery Outdoor Competition few weeks back.

The true meaning of Brokeback Mountain
You scratch my back and I scratch yours.

dear diary?

2006-03-13T21:24:00.000+08:00

I'm ashamed to call myself a blogger =p For my infrequent updates mainly, and at times for my uninteresting entries.

I've been hesitant, actually, to write down the days' events, weighing between using this blog as a diary or an outlet for thoughts expression. With a horrid short term memory, I've done neither to satisfaction.

Although school and life have fallen into some sort of a routine, there still seems much to talk about, from me being excited with my EDB internship interview coming up soon, to being a geek in the recent Suntec IT Fair, to Open House 2006. Term papers due soon, tutorials rushing. It's indeed been busy, sometimes so much that I seem to have missed out on time pondering on my own, limited, sometimes, to time in the gym and pool.

Is March half gone already? It's so fast it scares me sometimes. All the stuff I've planned to do in February, remains unaccomplished. A picture I did up in Feb, the song holds so much for me, but yet I've not sang it of late.

and i thought i would never say this

2006-03-06T21:11:00.000+08:00

I should be studying. Have a Level 4000 Econs midterm test first thing tomorrow at 9am.

But nothing is going in anymore, even when I barely started. My brain is almost throbbing against my skull, and my neck felt a soreness from carrying that heavy heated head above it.

I never ever thought I would say this.

But for moments today, I felt like giving up.

For all the hyped-up confidence, extra effort, more time and blind renewed enthusiasm, I started this sem with new-found energy, and even when results seemed to come back always below-par, I tackled it with the mentality that I can bounce back with better scores from assignments/ tutorials next time.

I was positive, that I'm not any more stupid than the next guy in class.

And now I'm no longer that sure. Everyone seems so smart. For all that extra time devoted to studying, I still don't get what is going on in modules at times, especially my two Level 4000 modules. For all the pride I put in to doing assignments all by myself, I did it to the best of my abilities, my B+ seems awkwardly insignificant to the guy who copies his assignments and gets away with an A all the time. As all these little percentages add up to the final score, I come to realise that my standards for myself are too stringent for this unfair world.

I grew weary, as efforts do not reap results. But of course I know it happens. With a bad test and 2 bad assignments coming back at me today, fueled with memories of past assignments, I felt dejected. In our educational system that gives no room for mistakes, I suspect that I'll fall short this sem.

Tiredness grew, confidence plunged and disappointment with the education increased. Maybe I wasn't meant to be such a good academic that I sometimes imagined myself to be, and should start to give up the pretense.

All said, I hope it's just a case of me out-pacing myself.

stories unshared

2006-02-27T08:33:00.000+08:00

I was reading through some old entries from my private blog (long un-updated but ever still so private) and even leafed through my diary as a 16 year old. It is amazing how much came back at me.

The small smiles, the occasional shakings of the head and the inaudible sigh at times.

I wondered if my life was made more boring as it trotted on to its 24th year of existence.

So many stories then! And so often it has been shared, heartfelt and sincere. The late nights (and therefore early mornings) on IRC/ ICQ/ MSN, the meeting-ups after school, and long chats on house phones. A time when conversations hover around BGRs, life and other bittersweet emotional stuff closer to the heart; and less of school, work, politics and frustration. A time when there were more "first experiences" to be excited about; now it seems harder for me to be super hyped up to anything.

New friends missed out on old stories; and old friends missed out on the new ones.

Felt it especially so after I met Haoyong near his place to get a birthday card signed. And on the Outram MRT steps we sat, and chatted for 3 hours, well into dusk. It's just so amazing to chat to him again after this while, the guy who's always has been 1 register number after me for 4 years in RI, always been my lab partner, always had been a brother.

Not sure what I've been feeling of late. A little nostalgic perhaps, a little stifled perhaps. But feeling the occasional pangs of needing to pour out these stories again; the old ones with new good friends, and new ones with old firm friends. And hear the stories. Old ones from new friends, and new ones from old.

All before I lose touch with my social world and spiral downwards into an even smaller encirclement of my life.

love, me

2006-02-24T08:24:00.000+08:00

Has it been 2 years already? =)

Lesson taken home always: in bad times, always remember the good ones. =)

thoughts of a burning scalp

2006-02-21T08:29:00.000+08:00

Inspired by Weiqiang's DIY Posters, so decided to copycat and do one myself! =p Sorry bro!

It has truly been a long time since I last stayed out in the sun, got burnt and laughed a lot for no good apparent reason.

Life as it is, is strange. Without the adrenaline rush of a competitor or the stress of an organizer, you might have thought I would strongly feel something missing. I did, but it was replaced by a totally relaxing sensation of a spectator, out there in the sun cheering my mates on. And still, I did not miss out much on the parts of the competition I liked most: doing sai-kang, driving around getting logistics settled, talking cock and laughing like a carefree spirit.

During which, a constant nagging reminder at the back of my mind told me to be contented with being a follower and spectator, because smart-alecky-indian-chief comments will not do the organisation of the competition any good. Good spirited cheering and genuine enthusiasm will. And it was fun as well =)

Maybe, indeed, no passion is as deeply rooted in man than that of envy. Before going to the competition, I could already feel the bittersweet taste of envy in my throat, mixed with that of joy, pride and a tinge of jealousy. Somehow I knew ZT, ZC and Ben will get medals that day, and somewhere I knew I could have amongst them, collecting the first medal in my short archery career. And surprisingly, the envy and jealousy never came at the end of the day, just sheer pride, knowing that they deserved very much their prize, for all the effort and passion they put into the sport. And sheer joy, for all the fun I had in the course of not just the day, but the years. I had chosen my path, and walked the line.

Passion and love never breed regrets.
Joy endures, and is derived elsewhere from the same passion.

The temptation to pick up a bow and shoot again is there. Who knows, I might just have the opportunity to do it =)

chalks and powerpoints

2006-02-15T23:16:00.000+08:00

I always felt something amiss these days when I attend lectures, but could never put a finger to it.

And somehow, it struck me today, when my lecturer in EC4880 scribbled on the whiteboard long and tedious mathematical equations.

No powerpoints! No slides, no clicking, no going through the motion of teaching.

Step by step, he pathed his thought processes on the board. No fancy animations, no onslaught of colours. And I realised how much better I would have understood these stuff than if they had been on powerpoint slides. The magical equations made more sense as they systematically appear on the whiteboard in tune with his voice. No more copying furiously in fear the lecturer click through the slides, no more going back the slides to emphasize the big piture; you can always choose what remains on the whiteboard.

I also remembered all my lectures were like that in US. All except 1, were taught by lecturers pouring their hearts out at the board.

I think I learn better this way as well.

~~~

I remembered the blackboard days. Days when I was class monitor in Primary 5, having to write the class attendance, date and day on the top right hand corner of the blackboard, and needing a chair for my 155cm body to stand on whilst I write. I would frame up the class attendance in bold yellow outline and underline the date in pink.

I remembered the chalks. Boxes of them. First there was only white, and then there was blue, pink, yellow and even green. I remembered how fun it was to write with chalks on the blackboard, trying out the different thickness in the strokes, written with the sides. I remembered how we used to throw the small pieces at the girls, days when single pony-tails were still in fashion. I remembered how I will wipe my chalk-stained hands on my shorts after writing something.

I remembered the duster. Having always to hit it by the side of the blackboard to "clean" it so that it can be used properly, the cloud of chalk dust leaving a mark on my khaki shorts, and settling on my black round-rimmed glasses.

Pupils looking down beneath textbooks not hard at sms-ing, but playing a game of tic-tac-toe with a classmate, or raving about the newest card craze. Teachers draw, write and talk above the usual chatter.

We learnt well then too, didn't we?

~~~

And suddenly the more we grow, the greater the disparity we find oursleves and our best friends that used to sit beside us in class. The better the technology, the further I feel I am from my teachers. The higher the quality of life, the more complicated living becomes.

It really wasn't bad at all back then, was it?

unwell

2006-02-09T22:39:00.000+08:00

I've been unwell (I don't like to use the word sick, unless necessary) since CNY. No goodies, early nights and struggling to put on the best face in school.

But it also meant I spent plenty of time in front of the TV and computer. And indulging in 古龙, since 金庸 books run out really fast in the libraries, plus I completed all of them at least once before.

不懂情人心里想的

爱就瞎了也迷路了

想摸索什么

摸到了你手心的沉默

最痴情的男人像海洋

爱在风暴里逞强苦

还是风平浪静的模样

卷起了依恋那么长

挥手目送你启航

到你觉得我给不了的天堂

For those really boliao people who somehow caught "Campus Superstar", we should all salute Yin Wei, the RI boy (no, i'm not bias! but my blog song is dedicated to him =p) who got kicked out by the undeserving Renfred, who belongs to the boyish-cute-but-cannot-sing-for-nuts category. Worse than Sylvester, and that's saying a lot coming from me.

And for those who have no idea what I'm talking about, good for you!
You have a life =)

~~~

And I've been doing online quizzes. I belong to the boliao-curious-but-never-like-to-tell-people-that-I-do-quizzes type of people. So ok, I'm unwell, love at my boliao-ness.

Your #1 Match: INFJ

The Protector
You live your life with integrity, originality, vision, and creativity.Independent and stubborn, you rarely stray from your vision - no matter what it is.You are an excellent listener, with almost infinite patience.You have complex, deep feelings, and you take great care to express them.
You would make a great photographer, alternative medicine guru, or teacher.

Your #2 Match: INFP

The Idealist
You are creative with a great imagination, living in your own inner world.Open minded and accepting, you strive for harmony in your important relationships.It takes a long time for people to get to know you. You are hesitant to let people get close.But once you care for someone, you do everything you can to help them grow and develop.
You would make an excellent writer, psychologist, or artist.

Your #3 Match: ISFJ

The Nurturer
You have a strong need to belong, and you very loyal.A good listener, you excell at helping others in practical ways.In your spare time, you enjoy engaging your senses through art, cooking, and music.You find it easy to be devoted to one person, who you do special things for.
You would make a good interior designer, chef, or child psychologist.

Your #4 Match: ENFJ

The Giver
You strive to maintain harmony in relationships, and usually succeed.Articulate and enthusiastic, you are good at making personal connections.Sometimes you idealize relationships too much - and end up being let down.You find the most energy and comfort in social situations ... where you shine.
You would make a good writer, human resources director, or psychologist.

What's Your Personality Type?

Mickey Mouse

Which DISNEY character are you most like?
brought to you by Quizilla

I must be really sick. They don't sound like me.

无光

2006-02-06T22:25:00.000+08:00

海天辽阔，
远处的地平线已剩下一片朦胧的灰影。
蓝天白云已被黑暗取代。

无光。

~~~

My father once told me, "If someone want to set you up, 说什么都是错的。"

~~~

I'm incredibly dumb. Somemore an incredibly tired moron. My tired brain is not good at word games and its getting fried slowly from all the double-guessing, triple-guessing and all that reverse psychology.

My brain cells are being killed in the battle of making asymmetric wrong decisions; on seemingly always doing what I'm not supposed to do and not doing what I am supposed to.

眼前选择一片朦胧。
傻得如何选都是错。
无光照亮，走错得很累。
无光。

bless you

2006-02-02T23:52:00.000+08:00

The guy beside me in lecture sneezed today, and I uttered "Bless you." Almost subconsciously.

But rather awkwardly. Strangely.
Considering it almost became second nature to me in US, it feels so strange now.
Like I just did some out-of-local-custom stuff then.

He half-stared at me, probably not sure how to respond. I don't really blame him; we're not used to this after all.

Almost as if to make up for the awkward silence, he sneezed again.

A struggle between saving him the embarrassment of not knowing what to do and being gracious emerged, and I decided to pay more attention to my notes instead. He seems happier that way.

~~~~~

When we sneeze, our heart stops for that fraction of a second. And we could be dead.

So when people say "bless you" to us when we sneeze, we should not be too surprised and not look like goon-du, struggling to find a response.
Smile, and say "thank you."

How else easier, in a move towards a more gracious society?

of a land far away

2006-01-27T21:29:00.000+08:00

"Why do I feel so tired?" I complained, to no one in particular.

It was as if she read my mind.

"Because life in Singapore is hectic."

A momentary pause, almost unnoticeable.
The type of pause that's so short, but yet filled with zillions of memories flashing by all at that moment.
The type of pause that meant there was more to that short sentence uttered.

"I miss Lund."

Time came to a standstill for that few seconds after.
And in that few seconds, two minds travelled to lands far away. Different destinations, different streams of memories, but somehow it still felt the same, as if we shared the same experience, the same understanding.

"I miss US too."

Two inaudible sighs.
Two wandering minds.
I broke out of my wanderings, and left Jolene to hers as I walked back to my room.

Christmas - a month late

2006-01-25T22:57:00.000+08:00

This entry is kinda late, but I just wanted to get it on the blog somehow.

I mean, it was the last dash at fun and freedom before flying home after SEP. =)

~~~~~

After a restless 10-hr overnight bus ride from Irvine to Oakland, it was really good to spot the familiar face of Xiaotian coming by to pick me up at the bus station at 8am in the morning. 4 hours later, we were all at the San Francisco International Airport picking Jeffrey up.

No dramatic airport welcome scenes, just a firm handshake and genuine welcome for a dear friend into the sunny state of California.

And the first thing Jeffrey-the-man-with-steel-liver did was to buy us a keg of beer you see on the right.
German beer.
For the night.

~~~~~

24 hours later, the 3 of us were on the plane bounded for Boston.

Jeffrey probably still jet-lagged, and me, still suffering from lack of sleep on the bus ride, gladly rested on the flight. Fortunately, we arrived in Boston early enough to catch the last few trains to our hotel. It was cold, and my ears and nose almost freezed off.

We picked Michael up at the train station in Boston, and there we are! 4 travellers finally together, flying into the same place from all over the globe.

22 Dec 2005

The next day, we met Teo Heng (who's studying in Harvard now) for lunch, at Harvard of course. A good chance to tour the presitigous school, beautiful with its ice-capped yard and withered trees. The early fall of snow (snowstorm in fact) before we arrived meant we had a gorgeous view of the school in white.

(L to R) Teo Heng, Xiaotian, Michael, Jeffrey and me posing in front of the "Statue of 3 Lies"

So as you entered the famed Harvard Yard, you'll definitely see the statue of John Harvard, which is also otherwise known as the "Statue of 3 Lies". And his left boot is especially shiny, because it is said that if you rub his left boot, you will have the chance to study here.. erm, thats why Michael and Jeffrey are sticking out their left leg.

Anyway, the statue wrote:

"John Harvard,
Founder Harvard University 1638"

and amazingly, therein lies 3 lies already.

1. The carved man is not John Harvard, who left no visual representations of himself, but rather an unnamed person who sat for a sculptor in the 1800’s, two centuries after Mr. Harvard died.

2. John Harvard did not found a college at all. Rather, when he died in 1638, he left a small amount of money in his will to be used for the training of young men for Christian ministry.

3. The college (not called Harvard initially), was founded by the General Court of Massachusetts in 1636, not 1638 and not by Harvard.

We left Teo Heng to pack for his Washington trip and went on a very leisurely stroll around Boston. We visited MIT as well, which is more boring structurely.

The fun came in the night though, when we surprised Xiaotian with a birthday cake from Cold Stone Creamery (ice-cream cake!).

Imagine Xiaotian's shocked look as he emerges from his shower to a lit cake.
Priceless.

23 Dec 2005

Boston was more probably toured today though, as we walked on the Freedom Trail, which is probably the only tourist attraction in Boston. It is a idiot-proof path around Boston to show all the landmarks from the revolution. Plus if you have 4 very nua travellers, so it was a very leisure trip.

I like Boston, oh Old England. It's serene and pretty in white. No hustle and bustle. Lots of white Americans who actually have slightly British accent. It's nice to walk around the old city.

Michael took us to a Dim Sum breakfast before we start touring

Us Strolling through Boston Common

Michael at the Boston Common,
The starting place for the Freedom Trail

Jeffrey was a victim of the Revolution

Me at Quincy Market
moment frozen in time

Xiaotian emerging from 294 steps at Bunker Hill.
"Don't fire until you see the whites of their eyes."

Dinner with Boston Lobster!

Since we're in the US, we thought it'll b good to renact a scene of back alley bashing.

Guess who's the victim.
Michael! Who else. =)

~~~~~

24 Dec 2005

New York New York!

New York is a fantastic city as well, so vibrant and full of life! The energy of the city springs at you every corner you turn in Manhattan.

Me and Xiaotian at Times Square

This world isn't too big after all.

Bummed into Aloysius (RI 1998) at the BIG Christmas Tree at Rockefeller Center.

Couldn't miss the photo opportunity with him all the way from Atlanta.

Plus tons of Singaporeans from Michigan University on this X'mas Eve!

25 Dec 2005

Christmas Day is awfully quiet. And what better than to stroll around Manhattan and the famed Central Park =)

Xiaotian pensive by lake in Central Park

Nothing like Christmas Jazz on saxophone in the middle of Cental Park to give that almost-lonesome Christmas morning feeling.

Almost defining of Central Park.

The city, the trees, and the skating rink.

a lovely view of Manhattan from the Park

After Trump Tower, Empire State Building,
it's time for New York Cheesecake!!
At Lindy's Cheesecake.

26 Dec 2005

Jeffrey and Me were supposed to be lifting the base of Liberty.
But I guess Xiaotian wanted to make a fool of us with his sublime photography skills.

Talk about a big Bullshit.
At Wall Street

Ground Zero

Ended the day at the UN (Interpreter!)
Xiaotian (left) shooting Jeffrey with the twisted gun
Like what I would have always said
"World Peace"

27 Dec 2005

The Metropolitan Museum of Art, or Met, crowded as ever.
Could have easily spent the whole day in the galleries of art and works.

At Madison Square Garden, World's famous Sports Arena, watching a basketball match!
Unfortunately not the Knicks.

Awarded best photo of the trip.
4 of us on Brooklyn Bridge.
Fantastic view.
Fantastic Friendship.

~~~~~

29 Dec 2005

Final Snowboarding Trip. At beautiful Lake Tahoe
erm, 18 hrs before flight time.

I'm allllll set!

Snowboarding again dude!

Xiaotian taking a break

Jeff getting it on!!!

And knowing the feeling of pain a moment later.

~~~~~

Yes, as you have suspected. I'm home already.

cutest girl in movie history

2006-01-23T20:28:00.000+08:00

A long time ago, I really thought Lindsay Lohan was the cutest girl ever after watching "Parent Trap". 3 times no less.

I knew one day an Asian girl will prove me wrong.

Introducing Suzuka Ohgo, from Memoirs of a Geisha. She even has her own website!

stoning

2006-01-17T20:47:00.000+08:00

I realised I haven't used the term "stoning" for a long while, as if it has vanish with time, along with some memories of days when I was 16 or so. Maybe that era has floated by us softly, in its misty and blurry partches.

I think it referred to a state of mind - one of inertia, of staring into blank spaces, of shutting down the engine of mind's works and just be in a state of being. At times it might comprise of deep ponders, at others it could just be nothingness.

But I could be not entirely right. After all, that word belonged to my generation, not me alone.

I stoned again today, after gym, outside the male restroom, watching the rain fall down hard. Haven't felt that blissful contentment in a while, and maybe it was a blessing in disguise that I forgot to bring my handphone out, taking away that possibility of toying with the phone in times of boredness. I was me again, 16, detached, and stoning.

Remembered again how I used to go on long hikes to remote, scenic parts of Singapore, to my favourite hidden spots, up Chestnut Drive by the reservior, top of Ubin, and many others discovered from my many years of scouting and hiking. Places I used to go and stone alone, the journey through forests and muddy patches all worthwhile. Spots I found the balance and made peace with myself.

The opportunities to go on such pilgrimages lessen as years flash by, and so did the times I could really stone and find myself.

I was never a very comunicative person; I seldom share my problems, prefering to keep them to myself. I think it to be my upbringing, with parents trusting me a lot to run my own life, I try not to burden them with my problems. And as time goes by, it just become a fact of my life - the oldest boy with 2 sisters, and becoming sensible, upright, down to earth and striving always to take care of myself. I find it hard to share. And my stoning times have proved to be good avenues for sorting out thoughts and problems.

Maybe truly I was happier. Contented. Had dreams. Had ideals.

Took a tumble during JC, and never fully recovered, and if I must say, I haven't found the passion, drive, focus and strength to lift me up to that level before JC again. And for a long time, I convinced myself that I've passed my peak, and could never rise to reach it.

SEP was an escape into a dream of mine, maybe some of you would have already known, a move that hopefully will rise me up again, even if for a temporary delusion. I wanted to know what it feels like to fulfill a dream again, what it feels like to be that person I always wanted to be, but failed.

And it did. On a trip that has me spending time again with the closest of friends since 15, I remembered how life used to be. A new uninhibited environment allowed me to change back to what I used to be, without the need to pleasing other issues and people. I understood what it felt like to learn and do well again, something I thought disappeared after O'Levels. I became confident of myself again, knowing that I am not always worse off than anyone else. I had time to myself to think through and focus. I felt loneliness, but I fought it. I could feel energy pulsating through my body. I even feel younger.

I must admit coming home was not as joyous as I imagined it to be. At times I felt enslaved by time and commitments, restrainted by CORS, drained by the weather. Questioned myself why is it that I can no longer do what I wish to do, study what I want to study. Bolts of frustration made me long for US again, where I am master of myself.

I kept my hair long. Because it reminded me of SEP, and how even my hair seemed to be of better quality. Also because it is what I looked like when I'm 16, all done to give myself the false impression of youth and drive, to not forget what it is like to have that self-belief of excellence, to be like that RI boy again.

The rain stopped pouring and started to drip. The humidity rising from the ground serves to remind me that I'm in Singapore now.

It was good to be abe to stone again, and to reprimand myself for dwelling in the past far too often, and for far too long. It was good whilst it lasted, but it was time to put past glories, dreams and failures behind and look forward. To keep the self-confidence regained during SEP and to build on it.

To find new contentment in new things, and not sought things that used to be.

Out of impulse, I rushed home to the barber and got my hair cut real short. Even though all the new numerous white hair will show beneath the dye I put after I got back - another illusion for me.

As the thick crops of hair fall around me, the SEP chapter is finally closed. As with sweet dreams ending, the tinge of sadness felt is almost immediately replaced by reality. Going back to sleep again will not continue the dream. It is time I face a new chapter.

让我想起了一个故事...

2006-01-15T19:13:00.000+08:00

of all horror, I had to write and give a speech in Chinese today.

I think the writing went well (I called it the 3am inspiration, Chelsea thinks it's very "me"), but I was too rushed in speaking, as usual, even in Chinese. The praises came, but I wondered which are genuine and which are done for the sake of it.

Whatever the case, I'm glad its done with, though I must say I was starting to enjoy myself on stage.

Here goes.

张俰宾博士，各位乡亲父老，各位同学，大家好。

我是许峻峰，我当然也是惠安人。今天，我很荣幸能代表2005年度大专及中小学奖学金的得主，上台讲话，对惠安公会颁发奖学金给32位惠安年轻学子表示感谢。

这些年来，在前辈们的努力下，惠安公会定期举办了许多的活动，从智能气功班、高尔夫球比赛，到书法比赛等，让同乡们都能在公会中找到适合自己的活动，找到属于自己的空间。

所谓青年是国家未来的栋梁。今天，我们身为学生在这里领受前辈们辛勤耕耘的成果，来日，我们必要饮水思源，继续在这人生的道路上努力学习，然后将这份薪火传承下去，将惠安人的精神发扬光大。

说到国家栋梁，相信在座的各位同学都是成绩良好的优秀的学生。在这竞争激烈的社会里，有人常道：“那些知道‘怎么做’的人可以找到工作，但那些明瞭‘为什么’的人，才能当上老板。”

这也让我想起了一个故事。

在多年前，有个游客就在埃及漫步游行。走着走着，他碰到一个工人在山旁割石砖。这好奇的游客就问这工人他在做什么。这工人用一副很累，很无兴趣的脸回答：“你看不见吗？我在割石砖！每块得差不多四米长，两米高，两米宽。随随便便，做完工就可以了。”说完，那工人就很不耐烦地转回身去割石砖。

那游客就继续往前走，不到几十米，就碰到另一个工人，一样地在山旁割石砖。这游客同样地问这工人他在做什么。这工人虽累，但带着点微笑回答：“我在割石砖啊！每块得四米长，两米高，两米宽。据说我割出来的石砖将成为一座相当了不起的建筑！”

那游客又继续往前走，碰到一个工人吹着口哨，在山旁细心的割石砖。这游客更好奇了，就问这工人在做什么。这工人很兴奋地回答：“我在帮忙建这世界上最壮观的金字塔！每块石砖一定要四米长，两米高，两米宽，不能疏忽，要不然工程就可能因我而失败了！”

学习也跟这故事一样。当你知道人生目标何在时，你就会认真地面对种种问题，不论多艰辛或多简单，也不会敷衍塞责，得过且过。知道‘怎么做’已不再足够了，因为如今大家都能得到同样的资料，同样的训练；谁都会割那石砖啊。但若能放眼看世界，了解长远计划，了解‘为什么’你得做某件事情，为什么得做功课，得考试，这不但使我们的学习更有意义，更有热忱，也能必备我们面对人生更难的考验，因为你会知道有许多知识是不能在课本上读到的，如态度，经验，信心与表达能力。

因此，我希望大家，不论是学生还是工作人士，能花点时间再记起自己曾定过的目标，想想是不是在烦恼着‘怎么做’的当儿只记得应付当前的困难而忘了起初定下的这长远目标。也在此希望各位会有一个非常充实的2006年！

谢谢大家！

almost like a freshman

2006-01-12T11:07:00.000+08:00

I came to realise my sub-conscious can only bring me that far.

Like driving to school along the familiar routes that required little recalling. But yet, despite the cognizance of the structures of NUS, I still need to search deep within the brain to remember where LT14 is.

And also thinking hard at the Biz bus stop whether A1 or A2 goes to Science.

After 5 months of absence from NUS, I thought there were bound to be surprises, even the simple ones. I was not to be disappointed.

1) $1.90 Yong Tau Foo laksa from Arts Canteen for lunch. Beat that!

2) Having to queue up AND book a computer work station in Central Library? I felt disoriented, and am glad wasn't the only one that looked as blur sitting down AT a computer and wonderd why I can't log in.

3) School of Business admin is damn nice. Econs? er...

4) Bumming into familiar faces. Econs classmates, archery, Shilin, Gene, Koko and oh my gosh, even Desiree!

5) Feeling what it is like to walk through crowds in school again.

6) Typing in "U03xxxxx" when printing notes and feel old... everyone before and after typed "U05xxxxx"

7) Sat at the computer doing my bidding and bummed into Jamie (junior in RJC), who broke her bond with EDB (USD 90,000) and Northwestern University and now in NUS. That's crazy.

8) Really upset by CORS. Up till now, I only officially have 2 modules.

Next entry SHOULD be on Boston-New York =)

i was..

2006-01-08T22:42:00.000+08:00

I was lonesome.

But I was free, tireless and spirited.

And I was happy.

home

2006-01-04T12:03:00.000+08:00

Emerging through a crowd of berms-wearing girls, gel-up hair young asian guys, hokkien-speaking parents and singlish-speaking-and-less-polite sales personnel at the duty free shops, I know I'm home.

Never thought Singaporeans sounded so distinctive before.

I even miss seeing the caucasians around who tower over me in built and height, but yet no longer imposing in nature. Suddenly I'm more wary of the alien presence of asians. Help. They're everywhere!

And I do miss the smiles and "good mornings" from and to the bus drivers in US, and even with the joggers in the mornings. I think we need to be mopre cultured, seriously.

Nothing much seemed to have changed, or maybe I would need to explore deeper, beyond the surface.

This entry is pretty much delayed, but in the short span of 3 days, I've met up with many people, eaten many food, taken the buses and trains and slanged less American english. Late also because my internet explorer was down due to some malicious spyware (just fixed), and it seemed the perfect welcome home - back to the old problems and yet simple pleasures of life.

Feeling the same old restraints, stresses and the same old commitments coming back to haunt me - all these almost forgotten in the last 4 months, and I know, it's time to start adjusting again.

But it's good to be spending Singapore dollars again.

Goodbye greenbacks.

Hey there Singapore. How'ya doing.

paradox of departure

2005-12-19T14:01:00.000+08:00

My last night in Irvine, in the OC.

And probably my last post for some time to come.

It's paradoxical, how sometimes I missed home so much, yet knowing that I'll come to miss this place that I've stayed for the last 3 months as I leave it behind.

It's like being on the plane, midway between Singapore and California, and given a difficult choice to be the pilot. Between home and loneliness; being bonded and freedom.

All the routines that I've gotten used to, the fun grocery shoppings, the meal plannings for myself, the bus rides around the OC, and even the getting used to watching out for vehicles coming from the other direction.

Will miss the people, despite all the sometimes irritating times, there's always all the better times to be remember for. How we surprised Rudy on his 21st birthday, the movies we watched together and how we dashed from one theatre to another, how we play darts, how we hurt our butts in the snow.

Lying on my bed and wondering how it will be like to sleep on my own bed back home again.

Till the New Year then guys. =)

Laters.

that enigmatic smile

2005-12-17T01:41:00.000+08:00

Straits Times Interactive has officially become my internet explorer homepage for some time now, keeping me aware of what else is going on in the world besides George Bush's speeches of taking responsibility for the Iraq War and Saddam's trial. That's like almost all the news you get on TV here. Help.

~~~~~~

So Dark The Con of Man

Like how cool is that, people analyzing her face? *groans* 83 per cent happy, 9 per cent disgusted, 6 per cent fearful and 2 per cent angry.

Er... so?

Anyway, this caught my eye because I just watched the trailer for The Da Vinci Code in theatres here. And I thought it is so awesome that the website is www.sodarktheconofman.com Now that's cool. I suspect this movie will be a sellout, with its fantastic cast and what a great story.

Speaking of movies, I've caught Walk the Line, Narnia and King Kong (these 3 in theatres), plus Lost in Translation (on DVD) in 3 days. King Kong is kinda draggy, but Narnia is fantastic!

~~~~~

On Elitism

I've also been following the ST Forum, surprisingly, on the issue of choosing prestigious schools, in the days of early December.

"The vast majority of children from elite schools have parents who are professionals or wealthy businessmen. They mix among themselves without knowing there is a large section of society leading a different way of life, and often there is an element of snobbishness in making it to an elite school... If her PSLE result is not a fluke, she will do well whatever school she chooses... Ten years from now, I am sure, barring any change in her character, she will do well even though she did not choose RGS"

I'm in a very mixed feeling of whether to nod or shake my head.

Skeptically, Dr Lee Wei Ling (who wrote this letter) came from Nanyang and then the old Raffles Institution (which, for those who don't know, used to be RI and RJC together), and then (to her defense) University of Singapore (now NUS) and not some prestigious overseas college. So why the heck is she saying all these?

Admittedly, the old Nanyang, old RI had people from all walks of life, from the kampongs and the not necessarily well-to-do, which is what further foster the school culture so much that it became an "elite" school, because all these different people has a common dream. And heck, it's true, how often do PSLE scores reflect your capabilities? Come on. Ideally, it does not make heck of any difference where you go.

Realistically, why a school is considered prestigious is because of the people that emerged from it. Not necessarily only about brilliance, but also about other life skills that has been infused into them through the school's culture and education. If you asked me if RI was about academics, I would have laughed and told you that it's about growing up. To that effect, I'm pretty sure that I'll be a different person would I have gone through any other school.

And now maybe onto something that has become some sorts of a regret for me. That if you ain't loaded or didn't get a scholarship, there is little way for you to get an overseas degree. Even if you did, you wouldn't have the allowance/ money to really enjoy the overseas experience. To the extreme end of realism, it is not that a degree from overseas is any harder to get (in fact, I think it's easier), but it is the fact that we/ employers are still unable to break away from the myth that an overseas degree speaks of higher value. It is the vicious cycle of the better getting better that we need to break free of.

On a side note, now Oxford University might lose their historic right to choose their undergraduates, amid government pressure to admit more students from state schools and lower social classes.

Now, that's meritocracy.

~~~~~

~~Not~~ every man is a Warrior

Thanks to Mr Melvyn Tan, we have a heck of an issue with National Service all of a sudden, and even the need to rethink its scope other than the traditional military, police or civil-defence vocations or even letting each one serve according to his talents.

And all I really wanted to say is:

Come on, get a life will ya?

And my favourite quote from the forum article by Mr Jack Foo on 8 Dec:

"Everyone is good at something other than soldiering when they enlist at 18 years of age."

I'm glad many stood up in defense of NS. That it has served other purposes other than teaching us how to hold our weapon and kill, like discipline and responsibility. That it has showed us how vulnerable Singapore is. That it has instilled more loyalty in us.

Every man is a warrior, and it's not about the skills, but it is about how willing he/ she is to be able to make a little self-sacrifice to ensure a stable and peaceful country for his/ her family and countryman.

Everyone is a warrior if you have faith in the man training, fighting alongside you for the country.

~~~~~

Hmm, I think I look like Mona Lisa now. 83 per cent happy, 9 per cent disgusted, 6 per cent fearful and 2 per cent angry.

Sweet.

Big Bear Trip!

2005-12-15T13:53:00.000+08:00

I am seriously in love with snowboarding.

And hiking through the national parks of California.

~~~~~

On Monday noon, my 2 other roommates (Luo on left, Geoffrey on right) and I got ready to join those who signed up for the trip, organised by my housing as a post-exam activity.

Sleeping bags, gloves, snowboards, thick clothings all started to load onto the bus, as everyone gets set for colder weather in the city of Big Bear, California.

The journey there was straight-forward, but what a sight as we drove through the mountains of California!

We arrived at our lodge (Singing Pines Lodge) after 2 hours on the bus, and I must say I was pleasantly surprised by the lodge. It has this rustic feel to it, with a fireplace, wooden everything, but yet it is modern with lightings and stuff. Sitting peacefully amongst the trees with only a road leading up to it, it really looked like a perfect getaway!

Singing Pines Lodge
A really cool lodge in the midst of Big Bear City

After a short briefing and orientation, we're off to explore the nearby area and take some crazy photos!

The lovely view of the lake, and the mountains

~~~~~

Now for the main part of the trip! Snowboarding! I'm pretty excited about it, being a first-timer, especially since I heard so much about the sport! And renting the cool equipment just makes you feel so pro! Even having to slip our feet into the hard snowboard boots (worse than NEW army boots) and looking totally new to the sport, we're ready to hit the slopes!

After a couple of falls, total flip-overs, butt pains, I can feel myself getting the hang of this snowboarding business. I think I was amongst the best first-timer that day! *beams* But we have some real snowboard lovers out there with their own equipment and stuff. After 3 times at the beginner's slope, I was ready to hit the "real" stuff!

Yes it reads "This is NOT a Beginner Lift". *grin*

I love the feeling of going down the slope fast and feeling the wind in your hair (especially now that I have slightly longer hair than usual) and seeing the beautiful scenery ahead of you, of the lake and the mountains. Learning how to conquer the equipment, braking when needed, and switching direction when coming to an edge. The feeling of control is really indescrible, so is the feeling of falling down. There was once I sped so fast, and when I lost control, I turned head over heels flat into the snow, with a couple of rolls. It must have been really spectacular, because people up there in the lifts shouted down at me and asked if I'm alright, and even the staff that snowboarded up and down regularly stopped to ask if I'm ok, because I flipped and landed on my head. Ouch, but it was a lesson learnt =p never try to catch up with the pros. haha.

But snowboarding is tiring business, and sometimes I fall purposely so that I can sit down in thre artificial snow and rest. Enjoying the view ahead, and then getting up again for the that indescrible feeling of charging downhill on nothing but a piece of board.

Tetsu, me and Geoffrey

We ended the day at 4pm, because it is getting dark and the lifts closed at 4.30pm. I could do this all winter, telling everyone who cared to listen. haha. It is really great fun, despite all the aches we start to feel in our shoulders and butts, and the tiredness in our knees and thighs.

Everyone was so tired that we fell asleep pretty fast in the night. Luo, Geoffrey and I even caught a movie that night because movies are 5USD on Tuesdays! We wanted to catch "Narnia", but it was sold out by the time we get theree after dinner, so we settled for "Walk the Line" (which actually is the only other show showing in the small theatre in this small city), which is a really good show as well!

~~~~~

The next morning, I woke up way earlier than anyone in the lodge at around 7.15am, packed a sandwich and went on my way with my water bag, determined to have some sort of a hike through the national parks of San Bernardino across the lake from where we are. Went alone, because I'm pretty sure no one is really interested in hiking, especially after a day of snowboarding.

I was not to be disappointed with the walk and the scenery that captured me so.

For 3-4 hours, I walked on and on, soaking in the scenery and the fresh air, always checking the time and telling myself that there is time to just go forth a bit more before turning back. I had to cross the lake to the north side of the lake (all the snow activities and happening stuff are on the south side of the lake), crossing the dam and exploring the well-established trails like the Alpine Pedal Path, Woodland Trail and Marsh Broadwalk. I had really wanted to go up the Cougar Trail to meet the Pacific Crest Trail (famous trail on top of the Californian peaks), but there wasn't enough time as we had to get back to the lodge by 12 to head back to school.

I covered a few trails and explored the area, not even remembering the ache in my shoulders and lower back from the snowboarding the day before. The view is just so magnificant! Lookin at the snow-capped mountains where we snowboarded yesterday, to the ducks that swim so close to me from the lake.

Me on one of the trails, with the sun, mountain and lake behind me

I really did not feel like walking back to the lodge, but just indulging in the nature all around me.

After packing up and stuff, we headed back to school, with the only eventful thing happening was that our bus brakes burned out and we had to wait 20 minutes for it to cool down again. But besides that, mostly sleep conquered us during the 2-hr drive.

And did I mention butt aches? and shoulder pains? Ouch, I can still feel them now.. it has prevented me from sitting in one position for extended period of time.

But hey, I still love snowboarding. If only I can do it all winter.

SEP Part 3

2005-12-10T14:09:00.000+08:00

And with the end of the exams (*gasp* like 6 hours ago!), so begins SEP Part 3!!!

Laying out the program of SEP Part 3:

Dec 11: Disneyland!
Dec 12 - 14: Big Bear Trip (Snowboarding!)
Dec 19: Leave for San Francisco
Dec 20: Arrival of Jeffrey
Dec 21: Boston
Dec 23: New York
Dec 30: Homebound
Dec 31: Home Sweet Home

a question

2005-12-02T02:13:00.000+08:00

Is it a big problem
when one day you try to find, and try to think.
but yet unable to think of what you really enjoy doing anymore?

"winter" blues

2005-12-01T12:51:00.000+08:00

The days are short and the nights long.

You start to notice how dark it really gets here, in this spaced out, unlit city, with few people on the streets. And it gets dark by 5pm. The nights seemed to go on forever.

I even wake up early in order not to miss precious daylight, and sleep early to avoid the endless nights.

The dark nights depressed me. Worries me. Compound me with all the other stress I can usually supress - work, school plans, travel plans, money, homesickness

and loneliness.

Darkness further emphasize your solitude, as you see less around, and start to feel more alone. It is as if the darkness brings out all these tiny darknesses in me, and turn it into one perpetual, long sigh that comes with every deep breath. every.deep.breath.

And to think I always thought myself as a good loner, one who is able to travel alone, live alone, be alone and enjoy doing things alone, for long periods of time. But I guess it has also let me learn the most frightening thing of all.

That the worst thing that a loner can ever feel.
Is to feel lonely.

L.A.Beverly.Hollywood. gasp

2005-11-27T14:07:00.000+08:00

The City of Entertainment! Of magic, dreams and imagination. Of movies and shopping and music. Of stars and fame and everything glittering.

In my opinion, don't hype it up so much, and it can be true.

So on the most misty of all mornings during this long 4-day Thanksgiving weekend, I made a trip down to the city that supposedly has it all.

ALMOST all, but someone forgot to mention the dirty downtown, the many homeless straying on the streets, the weird people walking around and the not-so-nice districts.

~~~~~

I took a 1-hr train and arrived at the LA Union Station.
It's a pretty sight!

After walking through the famous Mexican Olvera Street (but it was too early and not many visitors yet, so I visited the street with all its stores and gay colours again before going back to school), I walked around Downtown LA, checking out the Music Center and what not...

Then I arrived at the Walt Disney Concert Hall!
It's a pretty neat structure glimmering in the sun!

On I walked,
checking out the City Hall (which supposedly appeared in more movies than any movie star),
and Chinatown, the cool Westin Bonaventure Hotel,
the shortest rail called "Angel's Flight"
and looking at the city sights...
and came to Little Toyko

A little piece of a Toyko Garden in the heart of LA

I feel that the interesting thing about Downtown LA is how it is divided up into districts. Like there's this "Fashion District" and "Jewellery District" and "Toy District" and whatnot.. and yah, no need me to tell you what they sell huh. But it is not high-class stuff though, and the real people walking around these areas make the city

And on I went, to the Staples Center, home of the LA Lakers.
And then I visited the 2 famous universities in LA...

USC and UCL!
Where both their mascots are asleep *sulk* (under renovations)
Football and basketball matches between these 2 make fans drool!

I really think it's so interesting to have campus define a city or town. And that universities are actually a place to visit when you visit the area. Plus the fact that they really are so pretty. I took lots of fall photos in these 2 universities!

Onwards I go
to the rich estate of Beverly Hills (*sings* "thats where I wanna be!")

Nothing really great,
lots of high class shopping, fine dinings and expensive stuff
Did I mention mansions??
MANSIONS!!!! big, georgeous mansions.
where the stars live, all near here, in Beverly Hills and Bel-air.
But it's highly unlikely to spot any of them taking out the trash, so I didn't wait and see.
but the mansions are really really so luxurious looking
damn, the life of the rich and famous!

Onwards Hollywood!

The sign looks nicer from far and close up
Trust me
Plus it takes FOREVER to get anywhere close if you don't have a car
Trust me too.

And suddenly there I was, in the busy happening street of Hollywook Blvd
Where I walked up and down the street twice!
to look at the star-studded street
but I still cannot find John Lennon's star!!!

The street was alive with random performances, street artists, people dressing up as Spidery and Elmo and what not. Plus I visited the Kodak Theatre, home of the Academy Awards, and also the Grauman's Chinese Theatre, which I personally think look very cheesy, especially the font. Walking up and down the street is pretty interesting, cos I see all sort of weird people, from the punks to the families, and then all the sex shops and what not. Oh well, Hollywood.

The night is still young!
And Universal Studios, I must visit!

Interestingly, the place is still how I rememebered it from 7 years ago.
there's new rides
including a real-life Fear Factor show!!!

And then I went on to walk down the Universal Citywalk, which is really happening at night!
I think it was especially so because of the upcoming premier of King Kong!

I spent the night in this dodgy hostel, but it's cheap, so I can't complain. It has this 1 door and a staircase that leads up to the dorms. Oh well.

The next morning, bright and early,
After a "Continental" breakfast of bad coffee with equally bad toast
I continued on my exploration.

and found Paramount Pictures Studios!!!!
Since there was no crowd nor fans screaming, I guess there's no star coming in today
The fans know better, I'm sure.

And then I walked and walked,
enjoying the cool breeze
and the famous sight of the LA freeways, those that stretches forever into the sun it seems
and the neat palm trees that lay the sides
and I arrived at The Farmer's Market

Selling Singapore crusine!!!
but it jas terrible business
plus no way I'm spending 6USD for a plate of Mee Goreng.

I'm pretty sure I came here before, and definitely going to search the USA photos when I get home! This place is SO familiar!

Had lunch at Chinatown (because I miss rice) and then took the train back to Irvine. My legs are pretty tired, plus I wanna get back early (exams coming) because it gets dark at like 4.30pm.

"you chew gum, you go to jail. bad boy"

2005-11-18T03:31:00.000+08:00

I originally titled this entry "the US-Singapore paradigm" but I thought that sounded too serious and more like a Political Science Essay title than a blog entry. So I guess a modified Russell Peters' quote will sit in more comfortably with the general audience.

I always think it is interesting to find out what people in general think about Singapore (assuming they have heard of us) and what stereotypes they have of Singaporeans. We've seen ourselves so much, that now I wish to see us from a foreigner's eyes.

The good news is that about 8 out of 10 people would have heard of Singapore, because we are "one of the most developed nations in Asia". But yet beyond that, they do not remember our first-class airport or ports, nor our cleanliness or humid weather. And so far, 4 out of 5 first comments are usually "oh, is that where they put you to jail if you chew gum?". It started with an old lady I was chatting with at Balboa Beach, and I soon find myself laughing at the comments whenever people mentioned it and remarking that it's a funny thing to be remembered by.

"Because people tend to remember the funny stuff better." The old lady replied. So simple, so true.

So what happened with the other 2 out of 10 people?

1 will wink and me and go "ah, it's a 'fine' city isn't it?".

The last 1 will have no clue, probably assuming it's part of China. He even asked me which city I come from in Singapore, hoping that a famous city-sounding name might rack his memory on the country Singapore. I hated to tell him that whenever I fill up any forms, the blanks for "Country", "State", "City" are always filled up by "Singapore".

But interestingly, hearing about Singapore has no corelations with knowing where we are geographically. I even used Goggle Earth once, to show my roommates. Most will probably nod and say "in Asia right?" and one even said "Malaya" (which really impressed me, despite it telling me how old he is). It was fortunate that no one thus far embarrassed themselves by saying if it's in China.

~~~~~

Speaking of China, I overheard this conversation once while having lunch. And decided to right some wrongs (which I can easily wrong some rights as well).

We have so frequently called these people ABCs - American Born Chinese. And come to think of it, it got stuck to them even by themselves because it has become so widespread. But frankly, now that the world has become more diverse, and that so many generations have gone by, people are identifying themselves by their origin nation. Where nationality and race/ ethnicity clashes.

They are now American Born Koreans, or Vietnamese, or Hongkongers (I still have no idea what they call themselves), or Japanese, even Thais. They do not identify themselves as Chinese anymore, because "Chinese" now probably means people from China. It worked in the past, when it's less globalised. Because in order to save the hassle of explaining where Korea is for example, Asians just said "Chinese".

And so, a new generation of ABA (American Born Asians) have emerged.

Or hey. how about ABBA? Asians Born and Bred in America? For the sake of cool sounding phrases so loved by Singaporeans (with our PIE, BKE, SLEs and what not)

(NB: I bear no disclaimer because this phrase is created by me for the sake of this blog)

~~~~~

My mind is working faster as I blogged, remembering stuff I really shouldn't be.

On the issue of not knowing us by our Changi Airport, I decided to check out the World's Best Airport Rankings. And well, to those who don't know yet, Hong Kong International Airport has overtaken us for a few years, leaving us with a silver award.

In pure amusement, I remarked that there are no American airports anywhere on the top 10 list, nor any airlines. The best US airport was ranked at 20.

"Well, we can't be the best at everything, which we already are with the rest" he called out indignantly. Not jokingly, nor casually, but indignantly, almost in self-righteous denial as he turns back to his work and ignoring the other 2 of us.

Now that kinda puts me off. Hello?!?!

Veteran's Day

2005-11-12T11:44:00.000+08:00

"Even when people can't speak your language,

They can tell if you have love in your heart."

- Patricia Ryan Nixon

Veteran's Day is on a Friday this year, and to most college students, it is probably just another holiday. I know I would think so too, if I've been here all my life.

But since I haven't, I've been planning the trip to Richard Nixon's Library and Birthplace on this day for some time. Not only is admission free (that's besides the point), there will be a General from Camp Pendleton speaking to commerate the day and also a mini orchestra performance in the museum on that day.

And I did something no college student in the right mind will do: wake up really early to catch a 2-hr bus ride to Yorba Linda (where the Library and Birthplace is) in time for the speech by the General at 10am.

Initially, I too thought that it would be a not-so-exciting visit, but just something to do and a place to visit for the day. But I guess I turned out to be wrong, because I really enjoyed the exhibits in the museums, the rose garden and the lovely house, which is the birthplace of Nixon.

And Richard Nixon said proudly,
"I lived in the house my father built."

I even felt both the patrotic and heart wrenching moments, as I witness the exhibits on the Vietnam war and the tense political situation at that time. And at the same time, felt the pride as I witness the astronauts landing on the moon, and committing to memory the THREE astronauts involved in the mission. Even wamed my heart, as I read about the life of Patricia Ryan Nixon, wife of President Nixon, and the quote I place above.

I love the Rose Garden and the Pond of Reflection, set in the tranquil surroundings, so free from anxiety. And even the orchestra performance at 2pm in the Pat Nixon Amphitheater.

Even I couldn't believe that I spent like 4 hours there.

delightful sprays

2005-11-10T12:21:00.000+08:00

It drizzled today. In the early morning on the walk to school.

Not the heavy, fat type of drizzle.

But the delightful one. Like soft, slow spray coming from the heavens. Almost like morning mist falling. The type that doesn't leave your clothes wet or glasses smudged. But the type that you can brush off the tiny beads of water from your jacket with your fingers, and would love to take off your glasses and feel the fine spray on your naked sleepy face.

It seems like the little droplets of mist-like spray are so small and light, that they float slowly downwards instead of drop. So magical! To have these droplets floating down towards you!

~~~~~

On the topic of water, I shall say how impressed and amazed by the sprinkler system in US.

Before the school was built, a sprinkler system was set beneath the grounds, and every once a week or so at night, these little black tubes shoot up from the earth and spray jets of water to wet the turfs (turfs, not grass! Planted piece by piece! No wonder they are so nice to sit on!) around school.

It's even fun, having to time your movement so as to avoid their rotating sprays. Or to feel the mist of the spray that escaped from the main jet on you.

So much so that being the occasional childish me, I even stayed in the library late on Thursday nights because I know it is the day when the jets in Aldrich Park (the park I cross to go back from the library back to my apartment) will be functioning. And I just loved walking amongst the sprays of water, seeing how the droplets of water on the blades of grass makes them glimmering white under the lamps in the park.

Come on, I know some of you will even want to be playing in the sprays! =p Don't make me name =)

"What's it REALLY like?"

2005-11-03T04:37:00.000+08:00

Every once in a while, people from home ask me how I am, and what's it really like here in Irvine, California. Or even more generally, in USA.

And I'll keep blabbering on the fantastic weather, the food, the people, the cities, the experiences, the fun. All the good stuff and all the bad ones too. Some of my thoughts are just indescrible, me having not found the words to actually write them down, so sometimes my responses can sound so superficial.

But once, someone asked me, and stunned me,

"what's it like?"

So I go on with the usual replies that I say so often, I can come up with a Ten Year Series on it.

"No. I mean, what's it REALLY like? You know, school?"

And I guess I was caught speechless for the moment. Oh yes. Gosh. I forgot to really talk about school. And so I decide that I should. Briefly.

I really enjoy my education here, and the interactions with the profs and my classmates. Even though at times you have some smart alec comments or some that doesn't make any sense, but overall, the participation is good. I'm learning to speak up too, and it's good because you really learn more.

The best part of it all, is recognizing that fact that when I do my bibliography, the authors are no longer just names. They become real people to me all of a sudden. I know, because I have 2 big names professors teaching me, all big names in their field of economics, and both excellent ~~lecturers~~ teachers. (I decided against using "lecturers" because of this boring connotation associated with that word, whereas "teachers" sound personal.) All in all, I've never enjoyed going for lessons so much, because of the excellent teaching.

Even though its 3 1-hr lectures per week for each module. It's better though, because you think of it more often and your concentration level stays high.

It's tiring, because I have tests every week.. well, 6 out of 10 weeks, and sometimes 2 or 3 in one of those weeks. But it makes the quarter pass so fast, and suddenly, I'm already thinking of the exams, and preparing to go home.

Plus you start to appreciate the vigorous Singapore education, for preparing us so well, maybe too well. Come here and you'll not find it hard to adapt, and it boosts your confidence getting good results, plus you find out more about what total education comprises. And I also got the feeling that profs here do like to give you good grades if you earned it, and this motivates you to actually learn.

I love the weather. Or has I gone through that already? It revitalises you, the very moment you stepped out of the classroom.

I've also fallen in love with staying on campus. The ability to wear jeans and jacket in the morning and yet change into shorts in the afternoon. The possibility to just change into running attire for a jog around school in the evening sun or go to the gym. And I can even change into contact lenses after my morning lessons (still not easy to put them on during the sleepy mornings when the eyes are not wide enough), and put on the sunglasses.

And perhaps the biggest thing I always missed out in an attempt to make SEP sound so much fun - is the time when one feels homesick and in need of firm friends back home.

THAT is, more truthfully, part of what it's really like.

Halloween

2005-11-01T15:25:00.000+08:00

Halloween is a distinctively American affair.

Someone once told me that the Chinese has our Qing Ming Festival, so the Americans have their Halloween, and always in the spirit of making things fun, Halloween turns out to be a pretty cool event.

Candies candies everywhere! (for the record, they also give out free candies at supermarkets!)

I regretted not carrying my camera to school, because I never expected people to be dressing up already! Xiaotian once told me that Halloween is just an excuse for girls to dress up in as little as possible, and I must say that there are elements of truth in that *laughs*. Guys in purple suits, girls in Catwoman attires.. It's not like everyone's dressed up, but enough to make the walk around school interesting.

And the parties. How can we forget how all the minors (you need to be 21 here to drink) get drunk or try to get someone drunk in her devilish attire. No need to go too far, just take a look at the apartments around me.

It's just unfortunate that it's on a Monday night though, or else I'm sure it'll be even more happening.

And you know, me being me, I took a bus ride in the deep of the cold to this particular famous neighborhood (damn I'm already spelling without the "u") that always decorate up for Halloween to check out the "Treats or Trick"s! It's kinda fun to watch, but I wish I grew up here too, and have that kind of memories to take into old age with me =)

My costume?

Erm, don't I look scary enough?

*gives scary face*

Exploring the OC

2005-10-31T04:00:00.000+08:00

Being on SEP means that I'm usually a part time student, part time traveller. And very much in line with Singapore's policy of a 5-day work week, I study on weekdays and go out on weekends.
Since I'm no hardcore party-goer, most of my "going out"s on weekends meant taking the bus (or car if my roommates wanna go too) and going around Orange County. I guess I shall write minimun on the places because that will positively bore anyone to death, and post pictures when available.

But observing life is so interesting sometimes. Being in Irvine meant I see relatively richer people of Southern California, with VERY nice houses, cars and even shopping strip malls. Taking the bus out of Irvine sort of exposed me to the result of urban sprawl. That as you get away from the rich place, you start to see proper normal neighourhoods. Buildings are more run-down, and things are visibly cheaper. And supermarkets get more interesting too (oh I love Asian-based supermarkets so much!). And of course, you start to see less whites and more Mexicans and Asians. It's just so amazing how the population is sort of "accidentally" divided by ethnicity, and in such a diverse place like Southern California, the divide is even more obvious.

Enough blabbering. Here goes.

~~~~~

Fashion Island

As its name probably suggest, it is a very nice shopping mall. Shopping malls in US are kinda different from Singapore. Because of the amount of land space they have, they don't really build upwards, so the malls are just around double-storey, and very spacious.

Americans just spend a lot. Great consumerism culture here, and they buy a lot of stuff. And it's unthinkable that a shop doesn't accept credit cards; even the roadside vendors accept Mastercard or Visa. It's just scary to see all these cashless cash flowing all around you.

Plus Fashion is where the richer people hang out. Great for window shopping, but then again, I wasn't so interested in shopping. It was just a look see into the weekend lives of the Americans.

Being a good scout, I was immensely surprised to see that Irvine held the Jamboree in July 1953.

Ok, I suspect you ain't interest to hear more from this blabbering scout. *laughs*

~~~~~

Little Saigon

There's a huge Vietnamese population here in OC. And the Little Siagon in Westminister is the first of the "Little Saigon"s around the US, so I got to pay it a visit and have some yummy Vietnamese food!

Little Saigon is along a Bolsa Ave, a long road where you find everything Vietnamese, be it shops, signs, people. I think I look Vietnamese, because cashiers start talking to me in Vietnamese in the supermarkets (oh yes Asian stuff!!!!) and they changed to English when I replied in English. haha. Oh well. All Asians =)

Lunch!

~~~~~

South Coast Plaza

Another huge shopping mall...

~~~~~

Orange County Performing Arts Center

Check out its Vitual Tour on its website! Good stuff!

~~~~~

Newport Ecological Reserve

This looks a bit out of place. haha, nothing happening, but just serene. With views like that,how can anyone be tired during jogging?

~~~~~

Wal-mart

Heard so much about the great Walmart, and so I guess I have to pay one a visit and see what it's really like!

And perhaps cheap is the word (don't we all already know and heard about), but somehow, it fails in comparsion to other supermarkets/ hypermarts that I've been to, cos I guess it looks a bit more run-down and it's usually the place where the not so well-off people go to do their shopping. And the difference is quite dramatic, the staff are nice, but looks-wise, do not look as well-off as those in other supermakets.

To make my trip more worth while, I bought some stuff from Walmart too.

Our most missed Fast Food chain.
Surprisingly, not many Americans know about them too.
I think it belonged to a different generation.
Oh no, we're getting old.

~~~~~

Irvine Spectrum

Another pretty shopping center. It has a website too! But this one has a ferris wheel to itself. Woohoo.

Edwards Cinemas (which is the biggest branch in US, like our GV).
This has 21 theatres inside! Plus an IMAX.

My roomates and I went to the cinema in Irvine Spectrum to catch a show before Halloween. We watched Saw II and Weatherman. We sort of cheated, because we bought 1 ticket and went for 2 shows. Well, my roommate says everyone does it here, as the ticket doesn't have seating allocation, and theatres are never full.

~~~~~

Knott's Berry Farm

Snoopy's Headquarter! For Halloween, it was themed "Knott's Scary Farm" so I thought it would be good to visit it for this once in a year timing!

Albeit too old for rides, I enjoyed people watching.

The area around there is also pretty cool, with Wax Museum and Ripley's Believe it or Not Museum. But the queues were so freaking long that I didn't go in. The admission was only for $5 because the museums are closing by the end of October, thus the long queue.

~~~~~

As Jamie Reeves wrote on my Econs "S" paper once.

A "tour de force"

#1 accessory in California

2005-10-29T13:01:00.000+08:00

Sunglasses.

Definitely.

Everyone stares at you and goes "what a poser" if you wear shades in Singapore, but here in Sunny California, heck no. It's part of every attire, of every profession.

And the sunglasses are a great invention. Seriously they are, because they serve so many functions, from the practical to the look factor. Let me just list you some.

1) It protects your eyes from harmful UV rays. (I got to start with the boring and practically correct stuff)

2) When worn, it makes you look cool if you just look; fierce if you frown; energetic if you laugh; mysterious if you give that small tilt of your lips liking a smile; fashionable if you dress well.

3) You can look anyway you want, and no one will know. Come on, admit it. Everyone does it.

4) if not worn, you can also use it as a "hairband". Prop it up against your floppy hair, and it makes the worse hair look good. Trust me, if I don't comb my hair and just stick my sunglasses there, it'll look a whole lot better. Plus got the cool and just came-back-from-a-run look.

5) For aesthetic purposes, you can either:
a) wear it behind your head as if your eyes are at the back of your head (Xiaotian sees nothing cool about this)
b) put it around at the back of your neck (my fav position). It looks cool.

6) Importantly, if makes you look cool. And looking cool gives you that confidence. The confidence gives you the belief that everything you do is going well. That in turns makes your day better. And you become happier. Just because of a pair of sunglasses.

Therefore, it is of utmost importance that you choose a right pair. Make sure someone judges for you. It doesn't mean the most expensive one is the best. The best one is the one that fits your face and makes you look good. Even if it's 10 bucks, as long as it makes you look good, it is a good pair of sunglasses. Especially since there are so many brands in US, no one is going to stare and wonder if you're wearing Oakleys. Come on, there're even people who don't like Oakleys here.

Put on the sunglasses. And strut your stuff.

The day is a good day.

Other UCI happenings

2005-10-27T09:33:00.000+08:00

Before you start wondering that I'm not in school half the time because I never did seem to mention school at all of late (that would be entirely erroneous, for I am a good student. ahem ahem), so here's a little update on the happenings around school.

~~~~~

UCIncredibles (24 September)

So it's a lame-sounding event. But overall, it was quite a success! The school organized this event in the park on one of the nights, for the people in the dorm to socialise and watch "The Incredibles" together! I pulled my roommate to the event, despite the fact that I've watched it twice before, but he hasn't, so I'm alright. To our surprise, there were people crowding around the portable projector and screen, lying on the grass with their towels and all armed with sweaters and snacks.

And we thought no one is going to show up.

There were some crazy happenings too, as fans come in "The Incredibles" attires and taking photos. Of course, there's also the occasional Batmans and Superwomen, who, despite a little out of theme, provided much entertainment.

We watched the show in the cold, the good things is that my roommate and I had "VIP" seats, as in we found 2 slabs of rock and got ourselves comfortable. Well, at least till even the rock got too cold. But it was great fun!

But hey, with a show like that, and at least with a sizeable audience, how can it screw up?

~~~~~

Midnight Magic (15 October)

16 October is the first official day that the college basketball teams can start training for the season (don't ask me who sets these rules), so in UCI, it's a tradition that we hold a "Midnight Magic" the night before to celebrate the beginning of the Basketball season!

Free food, drinks and a CIA (Completely Insane Anteaters) T-shirt to be given out!

Plus cheerleaders' performances, amounting to the introduction of the Men and Women Basketball Teams, and Slam dunks competitions! It's a whole lot of fun as everyone gathers and cheers in the Bren Events Center to witness the countdown to Midnight and the beginning of the season. The players show off their stuff and audience joined in the games.

What a way to feel the UCI Spirit.

As the mascot will say: "ZOT! ZOT!"

~~~~~

Career Fair (19 October)

I went for classes bright and early at 8am, well aware that there will be a Career Fair going on in school today along the Ring Road. Tentages were set up the day before by the contractors, but no one was at the booth yet, for obvious reasons that it was too early. Little did I know that it was more than what I expected.

So I stepped into the lecture theatre, and to my surprise, half the class was all dressed up. No, I don't mean the Singaporean definition of dressed up = shirt + pants. I mean suits. Ties. Portfolios. Combed hair. Shiny black shoes. Black business skirts. Stockings. You get the idea.

For a moment I thought everyone had presentations that day. Well. Nah.

Everyone was suited up for the Career Fair, and since my Econs class is a upper division, many of them will be graduating this year. Seeking a job, or even an internship is serious business here in the US. So it's not even surprising that they all have their resumes ready in their professional looking portfolios. And suits. Everyone has a suit here, and it's called "business formal".

One thing we got to learn from the Americans, definitely, is the way to market ourselves. I mean, these guys are the pros man. Smooth, slick and big enough to fill the suit to make it look great. These packages make a confidence man.

And sometimes it's true. That even if all you say was bullshit, you got to say it with style.

~~~~~

Oktoberfest! (21 October)

So the annual beer-drinking event is here. Right here in UCI.

Before I go on to (boringly) describe the event, I would like to make a bold claim that "kiasu-ism" is not a Singaporean thing. It's a everyone thing, but it just happens that we put a word to it when no one else does.

So when there is free food and beer, there will be people.

The beer booth

The queue 1 hr before the beer was distributed.

Ok, so there were games, lucky draws (called "raffles" pronounced "RA-furs" but I shall not used it), and a concert by some random rock bands. Come on, this is the US, people just decide to form rock bands like how we decide what to eat for lunch.

My roommate Luo (in yellow) playing Tug-of-War

I queued up for my free hotdog and soda, eventually.

And was 10 mins late for class.

~~~~~

Strike (26 October)

I was walking out of class one day.

Just one of those normal school days (geez, this is sounding like a Primary School composition), until I heard chanting. And I was like, what, chanting?

"UCI is no good!
Treat your workers like you should!"

And I'm most amused to see people walking in circles outside our administration building, all dressed in something green. Like how cool is this? I've always wanted to see a strike! Ignorant Singaporean, coming from such a peaceful land where speech is so free that no one does it.

The report can be read here, if interested.

Basically, it's a strike by workers who were outsourced by the University to work on campus, such as sweepers, vendors and the likes, and maybe of them are Mexicans. And as such, they are complaining that since they are outsourced, they are given lower pay and fewer benefits compared to staff directly employed by UCI. And the best part is the support from the student body!

Come on people! Let's support the workers' cause!

Chant with me!

"¿Se puede? Sí, se puede."

[Can it be done? Yes, it can be done.]

ah, the sun again

2005-10-26T05:55:00.000+08:00

The last few days have been gloomy, and cold. Even rain. Most strange weather, by southern California standard.

I love rainy days in Singapore, but over here, I just wish it goes away and let me see the beautiful sun again. The warm sun which so brilliantly light up everything and make them look happy. Every morning for the past week I huddle in my sweater with hands in my pocket and walk through the wet dark park, missing terribly the sun rays that shine through the autumn leaves, which never fails to kick-start a good day.

But the sun smiles again!

And the world smiles with it. Even the infrequent cold chilling winds will not take that away.

~~~~~

And for all those that cared to listen. It's a miracle.

I've lost 7 lbs in 3 weeks. Whatever that is in kg, but using pounds make it sound a lot huh? haha.

Thanks to gym on Mon, Wed, Fri, and running on Tues, Thur, Sat, and yoga on Thur. Sunday is sort of a make up day in case I missed any due to mid-terms of excessive homework, else it's officially slack day.

No I don't spend all day exercising, it's only an hour a day and helps tremendously in relieving stress and thinking through homework actually. And I go out exploring every weekend. =)

And now I have this sudden craving for chips. Ruffles Sour Cream and Onion in particular, but I must resist the temptation that will kill 3 weeks' work in a moment of folly.

Away! Damn crave. Away!

~~~~~

Looking all around us,
people everywhere.
Children having fun,
while we are holding guns.

Running makes me feel patrotic these days. A strange notion. People run with headphones in their ears, and I tried that, but it just doesn't work for me.

Have you ever wondered,
why do we serve?

Army songs drive me on, somehow, the rythme and the pace, and remembering the runs I take with my mates in OCS even before the sun rises. It makes me go on, and motivates me against stopping. Like the world depends on my running.

Because we love our land,
and we want it to be free,
to be free.

folly of intolerant idealism?

2005-10-20T08:54:00.000+08:00

The past few days have been filled with much thoughts. And even a test of my patience and tolerance level. But the good thing is, that I've come to realised howI'll never be able to click with highly realistic/ practical/ materialistic people. Or even highly scientific people.

To all hardcore scientists out there, I apologise.

I don't know what kind of person I am. Some of you might think I'm realistic, and some might believe that the idealism is still very much alive in me. Probably a mix of both; not extreme enough to be 100% practical and yet not 100% dreamy about life to be seeing the rainbow in everything I do.

It can be exhausting talking to highly practical people sometimes. Especially if you talk about the social sciences and the humanities, and his first question is

"But what kind of job can you get? Is there a point in studying such soft sciences at all?"

I was taken aback. Literally. To link the pursue of an education, interest, life goals with a job immediately just struck me as... too practical?

Look mister. I'm an Economics major and one who is really interested in philosophy and history and political science and think that they are really useful at looking at the world...

"So you study why there is money? What for? Isn't it taken for a fact?"

Well, no sire. There's a lot more to money that you think. Anyway, nothing guarantees you a job these days...

"Yes, Chemistry. Physics. The hard sciences. Where all the facts and truth are! I mean, like philosophers, what can they do? Interesting to study, maybe, but what can they do?"

Some people just like these stuff. I mean I do, because the world is made up of more than rational stuff. There's the irrationality and the emotions and the thought processes. And people may not end up getting a job related to what they study...

"That's exactly my point. What a waste of investment, and time and money, all these years spent in something that you are not going to use? I mean, look, you don't even need to study business to do business, but you definitely need to study sciences to be in the field."

Yes, true to an extent. But humanities allows us to look at the human in our essence, of what is good or evil, right or wrong, to understand ourselves better. Social sciences allows us to look at the world and understand it...

"Why the heck do we need to know all that? Without the sciences, there will be no world! No energy, no future! Science is the way to go for human kind."

... ... (if you could see me, I have this exasperated look, and on the verge of getting pissed off. Almost chafed would be a good term.)

I guess I have gone too far, and ventured into the science-non-science argument. But being realistic, yes, it is important to be aware of our futures and not waste time and what not. But to link everything to the job prospects and money and the likes... well, maybe it gets a bit too much on my idealism-nerve-endings.

Argh! help.

¡Recepción!

2005-10-17T23:40:00.000+08:00

Or "Welcome!" in English if you like =) Or if Spanish isn't for you!

Edward and I took a day trip on Sunday down south, since he especially flew from U Penn, Philadelphia, we just got to explore Southern California! And even crossing the border into Tijuana, Mexico!

So 2 crazy uniform groups PAL back in the good old RI days took a run early on Sunday morning at 9am to the car rental place (after sifting out a lot of dubious companies the night before), since no public buses were easily available. Was about 5.5km I think, but we were running in our windbreakers, and it's still cold.

After getting the car... we were ready for our little exploration! Of San Diego and Tijuana!

Looming dark clouds will not stop our quest, as we drive down the Pacific Ocean coastline. Edward made a good point that the trees were purposely grown on the freeways to block out the view of the ocean because its beauty and vastness will simply distract drivers and result in accidents. But yet, glimpses of it became more valuable, and more beautiful.

Safety first. Safety first.

On impulse and unplanned (like what's new), we decided to turn into San Juan Capistrano when we saw the directional signs on the freeway, since we read a bit about the Mission in San Juan Capistrano in some of the travel guides.

Mission San Juan Capistrano is now a monument to California's multi-cultural history, embracing its Native American, Spanish, Mexican and European heritage. Originally built as a self sufficient community by Spanish Padres and Indians, the Mission was a center for agriculture, industry, education and religion. And you can even find barracks in the buildings, which goes to show how self-sufficient it was.

The old bells and its time worn paths with historical remains of the stone church were the highlight for me. Not forgetting the serenity and peace amid the 10 acres of lush gardens and cool fountains, cloistered by old adobe walls. We took a lot of pretty pics in the gardens and the stone church too! The Serra Chapel is also magnificant, a very old and traditional church, still having people praying inside in Spanish.

Me at the Mission

~~~~~

Leaving the Mission behind, it's on with the adventure!

We drove down to University of California, San Diego to check out the UC by the ocean.

Desptie being a Sunday, finding legal parking on campus was no easy task. But after we did, we walked around the school and visited the school bookstore to get some souvenirs *grin*, Edward with his love for college's shotglasses and me, being sick of blue and gold T-shirts that I've been buying, got myself a cool UCSD penant.

Thanks to Photoshop, Edward and I can be in the same picture

We had lunch in the cafe in UCSD, Mexican food of course, since this is a Mexican food day. The interesting thing is that when I placed my order and was asked for my name (something like how Starbucks work), I was surprised to see how they spelt it on the receipt.

"KENITH"!

I wonder if it's my pronounication or what, but Edward thought it's pretty cool (of course, they didn't get his name wrong), and was determined to name his son that. It's like a mix between "Kenneth" and "Keith" and pretty unique. Plus the fact that if you change the "K" to a "Z", it becomes "Zenith". Well done Edward.

Imagine what stories I can tell his son about how he got his name *laughs*

"Hi Kenith, you know, your dad and I were having Mexican food one day..."

~~~~~

Hitting San Diego, we went on the 59 Mile Scenic Drive, or at least try to, by following the road signs, stopping at the major attractions (or whatever catches our attention). But it's simply the beaches and the ocean. How the great waters curves the land in, making it so postcard-perfect.

Edward is especially excited by the UCSD Institute of Oceanography, wondering if he can do his graduate degree here. The institute, as you can guess, sits just beside the ocean.

Oceanography by name, Surfing school by nature.

More surfers, more oceans, more scenery. Never can get sick of them somehow. Even forgot about the 3 mid-terms next week. hmm. So many nice pics of ocean and scenery that we took, that I don't know which to choose to post up here, and it seems to be getting all cramped with pictures already.. haha.

City in the background, glimmering sea and soft white sand.

So we continued exploring San Diego, and visiting the world famous San Diego zoo. On the way though, we saw a whole lot of people wearing pink in Balboa Park, and got to realise that it was for the Breast Cancer thing, and apparently someone was going to walk/ run/ drive into the park, because literally, the streets leading into Balboa Park was lined with pink. Didn't have time to stop and wonder and wait, and this neatly sums up the problem of driving.

Before it gets too dark, we went to the famous Hotel del Coronado. You got to check out its website to believe how pretty it is.

"Rising from water's edge on the quaint island of Coronado in San Diego , the Hotel del Coronado is considered one of America 's most beautiful beach resorts... A classic historic hotel... an enchanting Victorian atmosphere... beachfront location... quintessential Southern California resort experience... for a romantic retreat, the resort's magical architecture and island setting are perfect".

And indeed, it feels like a Victorian Disneyland resort.. ermm.. if you can imagine that. =p

~~~~~

Determined to have Mexican food for dinner in Mexico, we hit the roads again heading south.

Crossing the border into Tijuana, Mexico, is an amazing and disappointing experience.

Amazing because there is a structure resembling a checkpoint, but there us no one to check us and our passports. So we just drove on, and wala! We're in Mexico.

Disappointing because we so wanted to have our passports stamped as proof that we entered Mexico. *sulk*

And they say illegal immigration is a problem. I wonder why.

Anyways, entering Mexico is so fun, because suddenly everything just changes. No more the normal shops you see in US, no more orderly traffic lights and clean streets. But so much more happening and lively, people walking the streets, street-side stores vendors hawking after business. It's amazing, the experience is not unlike entering Malaysia crossing the causeway.

We parked and started walking along Revolution Avenue, the main happening street in Tijuana, amazed by the night life (with many bouncers shouting after us with promises of "sexy girls") and the many pharmacy stores. The city of cheap booze, sex and drugs here we come! Wecame across this street vendor selling tacos, whose business is so good that we had to stop and see, and ended up buying a fish taco for 1USD (they accept both peso and dollars in Tijuana, since it's so close to US borders), and it was really good! Everyone around us was like eating one after the other, and the vendor was preparing the tacos with experienced hands. The funny park was that no one seemed to be paying, but just eating! We were the only one who paid when we get out food! Our guess is that since they eat more than 1 tacos usually, they pay up after they finish their share.

Determined to try other food, we restrained from eating more than 1 taco. And we soon found ourselves in a decent looking cafe and had our dinner of tortillas and quesidallism, with a beer. And it's only 11USD in total!

We also spotted this Tequila fair. Imagine. Tequila fair!!!! where you pay 5 bucks and go in and sample all the Tequilas on exhibition there! But being good responsible drivers, we decided not to go in.

After a few hours of exploring the city, we decided to leave Mexico and back to the US. We top up our gas tank (which we later found out was about half the price compared to US) and joined the jam filled with Californian cars back across the border on this Sunday night.

So like Malaysia, we thought.

~~~~~

We hit back to San Diego to check out the city's night life. Walked the streets and took many pictures of the city. I apologise for the lack of photos from Tijuana onwards cos my camera died and we relied on Edward's camera and the photos have yet to reach me.

Driving back to Irvine was not as exciting as before, because there was nothing to see in the dark. I was falling asleep at the wheel and had to have Edward take over about more than half way through.

We arrived back at our apartment at around.. what.. erm.. 3am? woohoo.

And so I end this long entry, with this meaningful goodbye.

in love with the Pacific

2005-10-16T07:06:00.000+08:00

Balboa Beach, October 2005.

Everyone should just throw away their laptops, and see what the world has in store for them.

Easy for me to say, when I have just happily gotten back the laptop. But all these past 3 weekends, I have taken a bus down, just to be by the Pacific Ocean.

It is so majestic, so beautiful and yet looked so different from the 3 different beaches I've been to. The strength of the waves, the people on the beach, the pelicans (or lack of) in the area, the surfers, the volleyballers, the ocean.

It feels so magical, to have just your trouble blown away by the ocean breeze, feeling the soft sand beneath your feet and smelling the ocean scent. I could stay there forever just watching the waves break onto the shore, and not just 1 layer at a time, but layers upon layers at different distances from the shore, all breaking at the same time. Little wonder Southern California is surf city.

I'm not just a wave,
I'm part of the ocean.
enfold me,
and bring me to the center of you.
you, who envelops the earth,
and fills its deeper chasms.

The ocean teaches us so many lessons, as I reflect upon them gazing out into the sunset.

Little drops of water and the little grains of sand. They make the mighty ocean and the pleasant land. (haha, it rhymes!) And you think, little wonder, that the little minutes that goes ticking by, humble though they may be, make the mighty ages of eternity. Eternity.

The ocean is a harmonist, I believe William Wordsworth said that, and how true, as I listened to the ascetic music of the waters. Sometimes it's calm and horizontal and monotonous, and by virtue of its serenity, almost anti-sensuous, but yet sometimes its so intense in its contemplativeness and strength that it verges on ecstasy. Crazy.

Enough said of oceans, let's visit the beaches I've been =)

~~~~~

Laguna Beach

Of all the beaches I've been to, Laguna is my favourite. Because it is a pretty beach with a lot of activities. Not really much surfing, but more like people lying around tanning, basketball, volleyball or just catching a dance concert or visiting the art galleries in the town of Laguna.

It has a wide stretch of soft sand, and very beautiful coastline with beautiful small waves. As I took the bus along Freeway 1, the most scenic highway in US I think, the coastline is just breathtaking, as we go up onto the cliffs and down into the beach. I wouldn't mind being the bus driver for the route.

The town is really quaint and different too, with nice shophouses and stuff. It is town where it is not strange to see people walking around in bikinis (for the ladies) and surf shorts (for the guys), and being so comfortable in them. T-shirt and berms are considered over-dressing here.

If the sand is not for you, there is a nice stretch of turf grass just beyond the sand, where familes have their picnics and couples just lazing around reading their magazines. Puppies chased one another around the scattered palm trees and owners smiled with genuine peace as they gazed upon their pets.

~~~~~

Newport and Balboa Pier

Tucked along a man-made island and a stretch on the coast, this little town is very very quaint. The shops must have been there for like decades, and its charm lies there. But the best part of this two beaches are the piers, where fisherman (and their families) swing their rods and watch the ocean. I love it because it allows me to see the coast from out in the ocean, from another perspective.

And I think Newport has the prettiest sunset. The first pic of this entry is taken at this beach, with the nice waves, good sunset and an old couple walking down it. Lovely.

Balboa Island is an artificial island I think, but it has nice marinas with yachts and stuff, and houses here are so amazing! Must have cost a bomb! Because instead of having yard spaces and gardens like the typical Amerian house, these houses have the ocean in front of them! And their boats anchor to their front space! Gosh, imagine going out for a ride means a cruise around the ocean on your boat!

I'm going again in late Nov/ early Dec, because I heard the X'mas decorations start then, and it's really gorgeous =)

~~~~~

Huntington Beach

Huntington Beach IS Surf City USA. The header pic of me at the top is taken at Huntington beach by Edward, who flew all across the country to check out the OC. It was just nice too, as we came on the last day of the surfing competition, so we managed to check out many surfers in action. Really good stuff!

Edward with his mat and Oakleys, all ready for the beach!
With the pretty Huntington town behind him.

So we laze at the beach, keeping our profile low. The sun was out, but the wind is still cold, so it was kinda weird situation. But we had a lot of fun walking around the shops and looking at the surfers and the volleyballers.

Dudes enjoying the beach.

good karma costs USD250

2005-10-13T09:31:00.000+08:00

As luck would have it... erm.. or rather, as money would have it, I got the laptop back. A new hard disk (and faster), full data recovery, and USD250 poorer. I convinced myself that all the photos and data and convenience was worth the money, but mentally summing it up tells me that I would have to save more than what I planned to. Gold mine is low indeed.

So in typical Californian style. I'm back.

Not with a loud bang though, and this I seek forgiveness. Blame it to the 3 mid-terms tests and 2 homework assignments I have due next week, in view of a terribly busy weekend when Edward comes visiting, all the way from U Penn. Hit the beaches while the sun is still nice and warm.

Its getting colder here too, and walking through school early in the mornings for lessons turns my cheeks rosy. How the American girls still go about in their mini-skirts and simple tops without a sweater beats me, but it is no time for me to prove my manliness, nor do I feel the need to. The afternoon sun is still warm and nice, thankfully.

So anyway, this means that the journey continues (I hear some groans already, with exclamations of "oh no, not that boring travelling stuff again?") from where it was left off.

Somewhere in the depths of my memories.

the show blog must go on

2005-10-10T03:42:00.000+08:00

It has been nearly a week of mourning, and I guess it's time to blog on.

A little update on the casualty: I have sent the laptop to the Toshiba center here in Irvine, some ulu place that took me an hour on bus, and it seems that the hard disk is corrupted due to wear and tear over time. It will cost me USD250 to recovery my data onto a new hard disk, and after much consideration (a lot of consideration... that money can probably fly me to New York and back!), I've decided to pay the money. So it's under repair, return date unknown.

And sometimes it's hard to imagine returning to a time when you have no handphones and no computers. But just think about it, we survived it well then, And so maybe it seemed that we could be over-reliant on our new techy gadgets; the mechanical needs to make us feel complete.

In a return to innocence without the above-mentioned, I'm faring ok, till the weekends I guess. There's nothing much to do here around Irvine, and local students all go home over the weekends. Sick of doing homework over the weekdays, and American Football and baseball can only keep me entertained for that amount of time. So here I am at the library, checking out the 2hr bus routes to go exploring this county again.

After this entry of course.

The most striking thing over the last week was discovering what the image of Singaporeans was like in the minds of the Americans, or well, the people here who have never heard of us.

I could fogive them for not knowing where we are geographically, but I must say I was really annoyed (and even pissed) when they thought we can't write essays.

Me: I could help you with the essay if you want.

Person 1: You can write English essays?

Me: Yah! I can probably write better essays than do physics. Why are you so surprised?

Person 1: Because you can't speak English funnily. I didn't know Singapore uses English much..

Me: ......

Like what the heck right? I must admit that I do not pronounce every word of English perfectly, but I would have gladly wanted to say that I can probably write a better essay than him, even if he can speaks better than me. And I'm damn sure my vocabulary is better too, not to mention my SAT scores. And besides, they weren't the original inventor/user of the English language, excuse me.

So much for trying to be helpful.

As I launched into a delightful philosphical argument on Aristotle's definition of "happiness" and "reasoning" in his Nicomachean Ethics, I was haughtily glad to see his jaws drop, and very much thankful to PH1101E back in NUS.

1 Point to Singapore! Cheers to the tiny red dot on the map people! Be proud!

idle blogger

2005-10-04T01:33:00.000+08:00

Dear Readers,

If you noticed that this entry is actually on time (as in not back-logged), then I thank you for being such a observant follower.

But alas, a blogger with his laptop is like a knight without his lance, and as my laptop sits impaitently in the UCI Computerstore Tech Services waiting to be diagnosed for problems queer to me, I could only withdraw to my castle of books and do battles from here.

And it is through loss that we appreciate what we have. And losing the tool of communication made me feel home-sick even earlier than I had expected, now that I can no longer entertain myself with the cyber-nonsense of web-surfing and MSN to take away the lonely nights.

When this letter burns (ie entry deleted), it is an omen that I'm back.

I await that moment with nothing but hope. Hope that my mobile phone rings soon.

Yours truly,
Kenneth

the UC in the OC!!!

2005-09-24T14:06:00.000+08:00

I'm going to jump ahead of myself. Because my entries are so desperately trying to catch up with time, and surely it is not nice to end my school term here with my blog still backdated eons back.

And so ended my first week of school in UC Irvine. And it wasn't even a proper week, since it was entitled "Week 0", so it's more like a Welcome Week, fun filled with orientations, fairs, free food and activities. Very happening, great sunshine, cool weather. Welcome to the UC in the OC!

I landed in John Wayne/ Orange County airport, and I found myself in the home of Disneyland, beaches and palm trees. Eve the airport looks kinda different, in a more relaxed setting with palm trees around the building. You can spot staff at the Visitor Information wearing Mickey Mouse headgear (yes, those with two round ears) and truly celebrating Disneyland's 50th Anniversary. People are polite, look rich and dress well.

And I had to stop there, before I start putting on the Hawaiian-like flower ring and dance around, with the realization that I'm here to study.

Ok, time to find the school and get into "school mode".

~~~~~

Hop on a cab and got to school. The irritating part is that I found out (somewhere a few weeks down the road in UCI) that I was probably swindled by the Arab cab driver, who started pretending not to know where I'm going and kept looking at my map (and all the while I thought UCI was very prominent in OC), and when nearing the school, he took out his own detailed map of the school and refered to it! The fares jumped by $0.40 every time and it cost me like $15 for the 10-15 min ride. Plus when I went jogging some weeks later, I sort of think he did not take me via the most direct route. Got me fuming. Badly.

But oh well, enough of dishonest cab drivers.

And so I checked in without much of a hassle into my apartment in Campus Village, where I'm really pleasantly surprised to find that it's a really nice place! Almost like chalet resorts, with 8 apartments in 1 building. And it's so clean! Shared by 4 people, it has a living room, a kitchen, a bathroom and 2 bedrooms!

After selecting a bed (a priviledge for being the second to arrive), I put my stuff down and headed back to the center of Campus Village for a Welcome BBQ. And BBQ in the American sense is just drilling patties and sausages to make hotdogs and burgers. Really so much easier, just chop up tomatoes, onions, pickles, cheese and lettuce, with mustard, mayo and ketchup ready, and you have a BBQ!

By the end of the day, only Geoffrey (from Hong Kong but has been studying in US for 3 years) and Luo (from China, but American Citizen now, been in US for 6 years, and speaks better English than Mandrain. o_O) and myself in da house. Rudy was still in Mexico touring!

~~~~~

Monday 19 Sept was spent getting used to the school surroundings and attending talks. Met up with the people from the International Center here and also many fellow exchange students from all over the world.

And it's starting to get on my nerves, all this orientation thing, as I must have repeated my name and written it on stickers for like the 20th time by the end of the week, as I attended gatherings and meetings meant to break us in and introduce us around. I think being 23 has something to do with it.

The typical conversation goes like this:

"Hi! I'm XYZ from Country A"
"Hi! I'm Kenneth from Singapore, majoring in Economics"
"oh! I'm majoring in ABC"
"blah blah"

As much as it is interesting to meet new people and find out more, there will come a point of time when you get tired of saying the same things over and over again. And somehow, getting to know too many new people can get tiring.

Where freshman of UCI are introduced to the Chancellor and Deans.

So anyway, I attended the New Students Convocation, which I later found out (when I'm in the hall already of course) was for freshman, and it has Dean's address etc etc. But I thought it was nice to go for such things in a new school, and hey, all the addresses were interesting, witty and even informal. You know it's a relax atmosphere when the Chancellor suddenly took off his academic cap and put on the UCI cap given to everyone when we enter the Event Center. And he tells interesting stories too!

The Annual Anteater BBQ and Fair.

Awesome atmosphere. Great weather. Huge crowd.

Hunks and Babes gather

Free Food!

Who's going to miss it?

Later went for the Anteater (the mascot for UCI) BBQ and fair, which is a display of all the CCAs and all the Fraternity and Sorenity houses (for those who do not know what this is about, I'll explain sometime later) strut their stuff, which means a lot of hunks and babes were on display. But it has an awesome atmosphere because it's held in the open in the middle of Aldrich Park (which also happens to be this big park in the middle of school!)

Walking around school, UCI is indeed "Under Construction Indefinitely". So many construction works and plans in progress. Upgrading here and new stuff there. Every year, students come back to find something different about this 40-year old school.

~~~~~

Tuesday was spent in more talks, more introductions, more admin and more settling in. Got my UCI Student card (which is REALLY useful), all made within 1 minute once you reach the end of the queue of course.

And grocery shopping! Got to stock up that fridge of mine with good and cheap stuff!

In UCI, since almost half the student work, it is really not surprising to find pretty girls and good looking guys drive the campus shuttles. I'm not talking about ok-looking. I'm talking HOT.

Go figure.

~~~~~

Wednesday was yet another fair-like even along Ring Road (the road that encircle Aldrich Park and where all the main school buildings are on). Truly happening, reminds me of NUS bazaars with 10 times the scale.

And being the explorer, I took time to take a bus and travel all the way to 99 Ranch, which is the California's Asian supermarket! The best thing about California, is that there is freaking a lot of Asians here, so food will never be a problem!

Being in the Asian supermarket, you actually learn more about the dynamics of this state. It's amazing, and you will really believe that language and culture is a social construct. There was this mother and daughter beside me browsing through the condiments. Not that I wanna evesdrop, but it is interesting to hear the mother speak to her daughter in perfect Mandrain (probably Taiwanese) and her daughter, all dressed up like a ABC college student, replying in American english, with the slang and all. And they understand each other perfectly well!

Somehow another strange thought comes to mind. And it's probably true that the mother knows English and the daughter knows Mandrain, but yet each is refusing/ not wanting to speak in the other language. To the mom, it's probably because she prefers her native lanugage, and to the daughter, who knows? It might just seem uncool to speak Mandrain, or maybe it's just that she don't use it all that much.

I wonder if this will create a family gap.

I mean, I would feel a whole lot closer to my grandmother if I can speak Teochew perfectly. But I can't, and I guess half of us are probably in the same shoes.

~~~~~

There was a rock concert on Thursday night, in the middle of Aldrich Park. Not very happening somehow.

~~~~~

But Friday was awesome.

The international students went for a picnic at Mason Park around late afternoon 4pm, where we mingled and meet more people (yes what's new?), some American families and the likes, who's interested in helping being friends with new international people who come into US.

a pretty park, more new people, more food

At the International Friendship Club Picnic

And at night, was the annual UCI Foam Party! In School!

Enough Said.

Welcome to the only UC in the OC.

a traveler's wishes

2005-09-19T14:12:00.000+08:00

It is strange, as I sat down in my new room for the next 3 months and reflect upon the last 3 weeks of travelling, that I can somehow feel some sense of regrets rather than the overwhelming sense of satisfaction at having seen a whole new world.

Don't be mistaken; for I have indeed enjoyed myself during my travels.

But yet, there are moments, when all I can say is "I wish"

~~~~~

I wish I can have a camera at all times,
or to have a photographic memory,
so that I can never forget the scenes and the sights.

Of the glimmering lakes of West Virgina
Of the golden maize fields
Of hazy morning mists
And of the black silhouette of the trees, with blue blackground fading into white as it touches the shadows.

This is often when regrets come in.
And the realization of how transient time is,
how the moments just slips by you,
just before I can get my camera ready to take a snapshot of the moment.
Soon I learnt, and give up trying to capture the fleeting moments,
and just sit back and enjoy Nature's evanescent beauty.

~~~~~

Or I wish I have a tape-recorder.
To remember the conversations by.

Of the chat with Xiaotian upon the rock
With Dirong through the wee hours on the drive back from Canada
With Glenn on the nice green turf under the clear sky after our night run
With Edward in the living room, from 10pm to 4am.

And I thought again,
were conversations meant to be remembered word for word?
Or just for the meaning they give
and the friendships it deepens.

Maybe.

~~~~~

Yet another wish, but something more realistic.

I wish that camera producers will somehow put a new function in cameras that will allow me to name my pictures taken when it is taken, or when I'm on transportation from place to place. That'll save me a lot of hassle from remembering where and what the photo is when I upload it.

If my mobile phone can do that, renaming the pics I take, why can't my Canon?

Rediscovering the Bay

2005-09-18T06:47:00.000+08:00

Flying back to Oakland from Washington is a sight.

From the air, I found it pretty amazing to see that the entire US is filled with grid-like roads, linking through the mountains of Arizona and the green farms that seemed to spring out like an oasis. I've always loved windows seat, though more than half the air-borne passengers hated it for the inconvenience of getting out and walking around; but I do not face that problem, so was always very glad to exchange for a windows seat with someone.

Especially when there was this black lady who was so afraid of heights that she was gripping her arm-rest till her knuckles turned white, when the plane was taking off. She was even shivering, and I think the blasting music (Hip-Hop, as you might have guessed) in her pink iPod did little to comfort her.

While at Pheonix Airport, I had the worst experience with Burger King ever. For a fast food chain, it's really slow and inefficient. Till the point that I was almost scared to miss the connecting plane, and the guy in front of me in the queue was even more worried. The wait was long, the cashier was slow and everything that could be claimed as inefficient happened. Even till the point when I have to help the lady behind me open up a paper bag so that she can put the fries (which we have to take from the fries counter ourselves) and drinks in herself while waiting for the burger.

Though that has not diminished my love for Mushroom Swiss, I must say.

After some more land transportation on the BART and walking back the familiar roads, I was back in the cosy room of Xiaotian's place.

~~~~~

2 more days to going to school (the audience exclaimed "FINALLY!") and shifting into Campus Village in UC Irvine, so making the most of my stay here in Berkeley area, I walked around the Berkeley downtown and got myself a Us number, while checking out the sights and also revisiting UC Berkeley. It's still as georgeous, and for the moment, I wondered what Irvine will be like.

Berkeley's pretty happening, I guess cos they were preparing for a football game (what else) the coming Saturday. Probably a big game, with the bands parading the school, banners hanged up and students dressed in blue and gold.

~~~~~

The last day in the Bay was good stuff! Since it was a Saturday, Xiaotian jio some more people and we drove to have oysters.

Tony's BBQ Oysters. Famous apparently, and cheap! And freaking fresh! Even a non-lover like me fell in love with the osyers. Yummy!

Haoren, the oyster-love, in Heaven, as he claims it himself

The drive was scenic, with green mountains on one side, and the Bay on the other. The overcast skies dampen the spirit a lil, but not enough to cloud over the blues of the ocean and the green of the mountains.

At night, Xiaotian drove me to school and up to a high point to observe SF by night. A city of orange lights, and a chance for me to practice my exposure shots on my digi cam! Succeeded with the city, but failed with my moon due my shaky hands in the cold of the night. So you shall only observe the success photos here!

Rest of California 2 photos here.

~~~~~

Packing up to go to Irvine

En-route to school.

Tea with Bush

2005-09-16T14:52:00.000+08:00

Glenn: Hey Kenneth!!
Kenneth: Hey dude, wassup! How'ya doing?
Glenn: Good! Just had tea with Bush. How about you?
Kenneth: Awesome! I'm great too.
Glenn: Where are you right now, bang?
Kenneth: Right beside you bro.
Glenn: Wicked!

*does the hi-5, handshakes and finger pointings*

Glenn: Tell me Kenneth, do you know the difference between an American and a Singaporean?
Kenneth: You got me there, man. What's the difference?
Glenn: When an American swears, he says "F#%@ you", but when a Singaporean swears, he says "F#%@ you lah"
Kenneth: Oh my goodness. *fits of laughter* you got me there man! I can't stop laughing!

*blah blah blah blah* (ie, crap that you DON'T really wanna hear. Ask us when we get home.)
Glenn: So where are we meeting lah?
Kenneth: Hmm dunno sia..too many places...hmm if only the Volans ppl can come also..
Glenn: SIA LAH! happening man..togetherness!!!
Kenneth: Hey IR coming to Spore in 2009 right?
Glenn:....ah.....
Kenneth: Vegas Baby!!

Just had tea with Bush at the White House

~~~~~

Washington DC is a place so characterised by monuments, museums and statues that it will not be wrong to say that you can't go a few blocks without seeing some of the above mentioned. They can have buildings given to the funniest societies you ever heard of, and "gifts" in the form of bronze monuments scattered all over the cities. "Gifts" because Glenn and I agreed that it almost feel like a vassal state giving tribute, something of that sort.

Over the mist,
The mountains yonder

The trip to Washington was not very eventful, since I took an overnight train into the wilderness of West Virgina, but I was greeted in the morning by the rivers and moutains of West Virgina, hidden behind the dawn mist, until the sun commands them away. West Virgina is really a very scenic place, as the train weaves in and out of the mountain tunnels, the clear rivers and high cliffs burst with life on this September morning.

On a side note, I must say that I'm highly impressed by graffiti, despite it being all bad and stuff in context. On the train travelling though the not so good districts, there were graffiti all over the walls and buiildings, and my, these people have talent! They look really good and how they manage to do their artwork on top of the roofs and on the underside of the high bridges beats me.

After being delayed for 2 hrs, I met Glenn at George Washington University (where he is currently on exchange), before being shown my "East Wing" for the two nights that I'll be there. Thanks Glenn! It was a cool room all to myself *laughs*

Not much time to waste, since my Washington trip was short, we walked to the White House and around it, seeing the Washington Monument on the way, together with all the official state buildings like the Federal Reserve and the likes. Walking on, its just more monuments and more magnificant buildings.

The night was not too bad, after having dinner with the international students (who cooked delicious dinners! they take turns, like the Japanese + Singaporeans will cook one day, the French the other etc, and just imagine the variety!), a few of us went down to a cafe (with Veronica's recommendation, which is near her studio) for some more food and drinks. It's good o see NUS students again, and we had many laughs, especially Shuli's dramatic Arts-Rag alike movements.

The second day, after a good old Starbucks Coffee (read Glenn's take on it) at GWU, was filled with monuments and more monuments visiting while Glenn was in school. I must have walked through all of them on the map, from the Korean War Memorial to the Jefferson Memorial to the Lincoln Memorial to the Capitol... If you are really bored, you can read about them online here. The weather was pretty bad, overcasted and even drizzled, and I had to protect my precious map and camera. I even met a new Columbia friend while we were stuck in the rain waiting to cross the road. haha, and decided to walk a while together till our objectives differed.

My new Columbian friend at the Vietnam War Memorial
Unfortunately, could never figured out how to spell his name!

My favourite monument is easily the Jefferson Memorial. From the Lake of Refection, it looks absolutely georgeous, with its dome shaped Memorial standing proudly by the riverside, and nothing but greenery around it. It looks like it just got out of Rome and into US. The Washington Memorial and Capitol Building comes close too.

I met Glenn and we went into the Holocaust Muesum, with his recommendations of course. It was awesome, and even touching, as we see the artifacts left behind by the Germans POW camps and pictures of families who died. It was the atmosphere and ambience I believe, and the lighting, which made everything so realistic and so fatal. As you glance down the pillars lined with pictures of victims, you can't help but have a shiver run through your body, and be appreciative of life now. We lighted a candle for the victims.

After that, we visited the Pentagon. Yeah the Pentagon. But I must say that the Pentagon looks A LOT nicer when view on TV from the air. Because on the ground, you can't see its shape and the fantastic construct. It just looks like a very air-tight security place with no windows, which is kinda ugly up close if you ask me.

Khim Nyang's favourite of the moment, as the timing was right, we went to the nearesy iPod store and checked out the Nano. Georgeous stuff, but I'm sure my elation can't match up to Khim's when he got his, so you should just check out what he feels about the awesome player.

It was a pity that I wasn't able to meet Benny (RI Headprefect 1998, and someone whom I have TREMENDOUS respect for, and since that doesn't really come often, you go figure), since he was so caught up with his work and the timing was bad. After a breakfast with Glenn, I was off.

Back to the Sunny state of California.

~~~~~~

View my Washington DC photos here.

Ann Arbor

2005-09-13T13:00:00.000+08:00

The "M" in the middle of school.
Highly protected by students before football game.
Rumoured that if you step on it, you'll fail your exams.

With the end of the Canadian Trip, I was set to leave the little University town of Ann Arbor. All in all, I have spent about 5-6 days here in Ann Arbor, imposing immensely on Dirong, and having to MAKE him agree to sleeping on his bed on alternate days (because he insisted that I should have the bed whilst I'm there, but you see, I love my sleeping bag too!)

So anyway, I reached Ann Arbor on 1 Sept (Thursday), meeting Dirong at Detroit International Airport. I flew domestically from Oakland airport and was greatly delayed at Salt Lake Cities for 2 hours (the worst was that it was delayed from 12 midnight to 2am), but I was still very much in time in meeting Dirong (along with many other Singaporeans on the same flight coming to Ann Arbor.. well, cos there's only 1 flight a day from Singapore to Detroit). I especially love the look on David Han's face when he saw me at Detroit. Haha, it was a mix of disbelief, shock and surprise. He obviously wasn't expecting to see me there, nor was I, to be honest. It was just a nice pleasant meeting of old friends!

Delayed plane - Coke and chips in hands waiting.

But I must say that flying around from airport to airport has me seeing the different sorts of airports around the world. From the coolest, to the simplest. You got to explore the US domestic airports to see the extremes!

Passenger tunnel at Cincinnati Airport

Ben picked us up from the airport and sent Dirong and me to Dirong's new place, where he is sharing with Weisheng (who happened to be my OCS Platoon mate) and Yixing (a couple). A new place, so we got to get keys from the landlord and do some cleaning up. It's such a pleasure, haha, to be able to see friend's new places, starting from Xiaotian's place at California.

After some minor cleaning up, Dirong brought me around University of Michigan to check out the school at night. The Graduate library is gorgeous and the Undergraduate Library (nicknamed UGLi) is normal. It's actually quite happening because it's some sort of a Welcome week, when all the stuff for freshman is happening. It's amazing, cos I also bumped into Edwin Lee (2 years my junior in 01 scouts) in UMich! I think he was as shocked as I am, and Dirong is starting to think that I actually know more people in UMich than he does. *laughs* So there was a lot of activities going on, signing up for clubs, school rock bands playing, a good imitation of "Stomp" and free food!!! Even bumped into Jianwei (Brigette's bf) and said our 'hi's. Somehow Brigette promptly knew about this encounter haha.

(Note to readers: Americans LOVE free food. It is not actually free, because it's probably in the school fees, but they LOVE free food. They have food for almost every event, from meetings to orientations and even a short welcome)

~~~~~

Friday was spent mostly trying to set up tables and beds, cleaning kitchens and bathrooms.

Arrival of Weisheng and Yixing.

More visiting the school and surroundings. Ann Arbor is indeed an University town. For people like me who has never gotten out of a Singapore school system before would need to a while to fathom the dynamics of this place. A town that develops because of the University. The school centers the area, and shops fan out, mainly eating places. Houses too develop, for students who do not wish to stay in dorms. Beyond the happening area a few miles around school, it's just spaces and more spaces, and you would definitely need a car to get around. Even grocery shopping needs a car/ bus trip away. The shops probably survives on the students' spendings, hires students to work part-time and serve the students. I would not be far off to to even dare suggest that everyone you see on the street probably has some connection to the school, either students, staff or even family of members of the school. It is one hell of a University Corporation.

I must have fallen in love with architectural. The school buildings are all so unique - some old, some new. The old ones have green ivy hanging around the castle-like walls, the new ones are structurally modern, like the Engineering Tower (Ann and Robert H. Lurie Tower), which is supposed to have no lines of symmetry and no right angles in its structure at all. Squirrels scamper around the campus on the warm grass (which you'll find many people sitting/ sleeping there enjoying the sun while it last here in Ann Arbor). Even the Auditorium is majestic, and upon entering the Hall, you can just feel its glory. The feeling of not just awe, but the history it carried and the music that has ever been played in these halls. I also climbed the clock tower at 12 noon, because there was someone there playing the noon chimes every noon, and there I stood, under the deafening bells, looking around the vast space of the campus.

The Ann and Robert H. Lurie Tower

Clock Tower

Another nice building

UMich is huge. The Engineering campus is in the northern part of the campus, and when I say north, I don't mean 15 minutes walk away. Maybe 15 minutes run, but definitely get the bus ride. Visited the Engineering tower as mentioned above and also this amazing "sin" field, which is shaped in a sinusoidal way. Anyway, since UMich is famous for its astronaut, we paid areo-enginnering department a visit as well.

Hmmm, I got ahead of myself, because all these visiting were done in the few days I was there, and not just on Friday, but let's get the scenery out of the way this once =)
~~~~~

Saturday was the football game, as you have read. Also my birthday!!!

~~~~~

Sunday was spent on some grocery shopping and my preparation for my Chicago trip the next day.

Shopping with Dirong is ALMOST like bringing a kid out to the amusement park. Browsing here and there, checking out the prices and the amazing new stuff that US always have to offer. Like their ice-creams. They must have like dunno-how-many flavours, so Dirong is always trying out new flavours. And he doesn't get fat. It is not fair. And he is, throughout my stay, making me have a proper diet of 3 meals a day, something very rare since I started traveling. That guy really takes care of himself, but as he says, if he doesn't take care of himself, he doesn't feel good enough to do anything! So Dirong pampers himself with ice-creams and good food. But I still thinking eating 2 chicken thighs (amongst other dishes) for a meal is a wee too much.

And so we shopped. Food, detergent, soap and all the stuff needed to make an apartment feel like home.

Dirong took me for a jog later in the afternoon around the area, and showing me the school of Music Conservatory (and bumping into his old room mate) and the area north. I figured I prefer running in hot conditions than cold, because when the cold air hits your lungs, it can be quite unbearable. Which makes me wonder how the ang mohs do it in the depths of winter. Crazy.

And we spent the night at Ben's place, with him cooking chicken rice using the all time fav Prima Deli chicken rice mix!! It was great, especially since he had good sambal chilli from home! Yummy!

~~~~~

5 Sept, I departed for Chicago, with nothing but a small bagpack. And I was back at Ann Arbor on 7 Sept.

I caught up with Qionghui that night at a coffee place, and visited her place with Dirong. Had a good chat, as usual, the catching up on life and stuff.

~~~~~

On Jiayong's birthday night, everyone wanted to make him drunk. So we actually went clubbing. You wouldn't believe it, but the entry fee was 3USD. Unbelievable. I don't think the drinks are really like a lot cheaper, but the entry fee is just crazily cheap.

We found it strange that the Americans club with the lights on haha.. but I guess it could be just that club. Jiayong got pretty red soon after someone made him take like 5 shots. I caught up a little with Kian Leong too, whom I haven't seen since I was Sec 4 (for he was my PSL group Sec 1 when I'm Sec 4, sheesh, that’s 7 years ago!) And I look at him, and I'm just amazed by life in general. Time passes so fast and people grow up so fast, and I wondered what I was really like 7 years ago? He smokes now, a change, I guess, which I didn't really like.

Before the clubbing all begins, I had dinner with Chee Chian, Liheng, Chun Yang (all OCS cadets), Qionghui and Dirong at some Chinese restaurant. Portions are huge, as expected. We ended up playing Mahjong at the guys' place before going to chiong.

~~~~~

On the night before we leave for Canada, we decided to cook up a storm! With lemon-ovened chicken with herbs (pronounced 'erbs, without the "h"), fried shrimp with cai-xin and vegetable soup, topped with ice-cream (heard of "ButterZinger" for desert.

~~~~~

September 10 - September 11 Canada.

~~~~

September 12, Monday.

I packed a sandwich from Potbelly for my overnight 13hr train to Washington, waved my goodbyes and many many deep thanks to Dirong and Ben, and got on the bus to the train station.

Check out my Ann Arbor photos here.

The Canadian Impulse

2005-09-12T14:52:00.000+08:00

All was set for the big trip. The car was rented (kindly done so by Ben), the routes were planned (Kindly done so by Dirong with the help of Mapquest), signatures were signed. The timing was perfect, a weekend escape (literally, but I shall not say why here) to Canada to meet Michael (and his friends) before school fully launch into full swing.

We woke up bright and early on Saturday morning. After some delays in getting the car and stuff, we set off on our 5 hour drive to the Niagara Falls.

In the US and Canada, you pretty much have to drive quite far to get from place to place. Roads are wider and cars are relatively cheaper. Oil prices however, are increasing fast. Expect to see a lot of barren land, and then meet a town or two, and on the freeways again, which are nothing more than roads linking the towns up. Space is so abundant. We took turns at driving, even I also drove for a while, trying to get used to the right hand drive of the Americans and wondering why Americans always try to be different (like they still don't wanna follow the SI units. sigh).

As we drove into Niagara, we were initially shocked by the number of Chinese we see. I'm sure they don't make up the majority of the population here, so somehow they must have gathered together for some reason. Maybe Tiananmen II or something is happening and we're about to witness another great epoch of mankind.

As Mao Zedong proudly proclaimed,

"I have witnessed the tremendous energy of the masses. On this foundation it
is possible to accomplish any task whatsoever."
Uh huh. Right. I had better get back on track. I don't think I look like a communist.

On more careful observation after parking the car, we realised (from the banners) that Premier Hu Jing-tao is coming for a visit in Canada on his North American tour! What perfect timing. Dancers filled up the grass area, more Chinese can be seen lingering around and Fa Lun Gong supporters everywhere protesting the treatment of practioners in China. It was a great sight. Soon after, a row of 10 limousines came cruising down the road, all having the small China flag sticking out from the front of the vehicle with tinted glass. China flags waved in the air and dancers start do their rehearsed steps in their red costumes (so predictable huh).

With all that hoo-ha out of the way, lets get back to the main attractions - The Niagara Falls.

The spray of the Falls can be felt from across the roads, as we felt the mist of water droplets fall onto us from the majestic Falls.

The Falls is georgeous.

I could just stare at it forever, hear its roars and touched by its spray. The perpectual rainbow against the tapestry of white foamy waters. The power of the waters as they hit the rocks below.

And as part of the adventure, we went abroad the Maid of the Mist, a boat that goes to the Horseshoe Falls and back, so that we can see the Falls around us. Although we look pretty ridiculous in our blue plastic raincoat, it kept us relatively dry, save for the bottom of our jeans. Dirong was almost gloating that he's short enough for the raincoat to cover his entire body totally!

Michael and co. has intelligently gone over to the US side to visit the Cave of the Winds, which he claimed to be amazing. We stayed on the Canadian side and continued to explore the little place filled with fun museums and other attractions. We also visited the casino there, and it's yet another huge casion where the smallest chips are like $5. You can be sure we didn't play anything.

We met Michael and the lot for dinner at Hooters, and it is the first time I've met Michael since he flew! We also met his traveling companians then and decided to see the Falls at night.
The Falls at night is pretty amazing, lit up by the strong flood lights from one of the buildings. Red and yellow and green and blue. Purple and orange and white. At random timings. Ben taught us a thing or two about photography and suddenlyI learnt more about my camera than I ever did! And Dirong and I got hooked. Snapping pictures of the Falls in different lighting at different exposures. In the cold. And due to the exposure effect, we even made it look like it's snowing! (you got to check out the photos here)

We left the Falls and headed for the Motel. Which was a challenge, because the motel is booked for 2 people and I don't know whay they're so strict about it! I hid carefully in the car and waited for them to check in. But somehow I still got spotted and we paid extra for me. And we start to wonder how Michael and co. will manage to pull their bluff with 6 people!

~~~~~
On Sunday, we left the motel and headed for Niagara-on-the-lakes. It's a small beautiful place that seemed able to pop up in movies that showcase the perfect neighbour (like Stepford wives or something). The streets were lined with Victorian-liked buildings, colourful flowers and greenery paraded the sidewalk.

Michael was at his irritating best when he wanted to take a photo of eveything with himself inside. Even with his Havana cigar (see my photo site for more details). We walked up and down the streets, visited the beautiful Lake Ontario and saw the famous Shaw Festival Theatre. Time wasn't on our side, so we couldn't catch a show.

After the visit, we went to Jackson-Twigg's Vineyard for a tour of a vineyard, and some wine of course. We had a good explanatory tour around the vineyard and its workings and a taste of 3 wines. The ice-wine is fantastic, so sweet that I can still savour the taste even till now! And we took plenty of individual photos of the vineyard, plus silly photos of us eating the grapes we pluck from the trees! XT was exclaiming ho good Dirong looks on the photos because he has such a nice and natural smile. And I agree! haha.

And with a sudden stike of inspiration (read: impulse), Dirong suggest we go Toronto. Out of nowhere. We have no maps (except a very general one printed by me in Singapore, since I did plan to go Toronto) and no directions. But Dirong would like to go ahead and take advantage of the chance we have no as he is probably not going to go there anytime soon. And our new adventure was set, we said our goodbyes to Michael, he did look sad at the short get-together, and maybe homesickness has sank in for him, especially since he'll be in Canada for a year braving the cold winter and all.

Take care Mike. Thanks for co-organising the trip (he made me announce this). All the best bro!

So the drive into yet another unknown begins! I gave Han Hua (my good primary friend, went to RI too, now at University of Toronto) a call too, totally caught him by surprise, and asked if he wanna have dinner with us as we drive into Toronto, and also to ask for some general directions and how to escape the freeway with the toll. We got a bit lost, and somehow got back onto the correct track into Toronto, and greeted by the CN tower we know we're approaching Toronto.

And this point of time, Dirong's camera and mine too were running out of batteries and space. Embarrassing, but we found ourselves conserving energy and deleting silly photos just to make some space to take pictures of Toronto!

After meeting up with Han Hua, he recommended a cool place in Chinatown (which is really huge in Toronto) for dinner where we had a really fantastic meal. So good that Ben bought a whole roast duck back to Ann Arbor! We visited University of Toronto after that in the dark, and it was really beautiful, because it's such an old University, and the buildings all around a round field. Standing in the middle of the field and looking at the old buildings did evoke some sense of awe, like how you fee when you see the castle in Harry Potter.

And then we had to part. A short shocking meeting with Han Hua, a good dinner and a crash course of Toronto. I suspect I'll be back her some day, though Michael calls it a dysfuntional Singapore, which is kinda true, because there isn't much attractions, but yet I have not experience the city life.

Off we go, for our 5 hr drive back to Ann Arbor along the dark freeways, expecting to reach home about 4am.

This is crazy.

Chicago

2005-09-08T14:50:00.000+08:00

The title of this entry should have been "Chicago, and why I am a terrible traveling companion". But since that sounds really cheesy and also cos blogger would not allow such a long title, let's make do with "Chicago".

As with all essays go, lets start with the first part of the title first.

I left Ann Arbor on Monday morning, which also happened to be America's Labour Day, taking the AMTRAK Train to Chicago.

Dirong and I spend the night before at Ben's place, drinking a couple of beers, eating chips (generally unhealthy) and chatting (generally healthy). Have to thanks Ben and Yisheng for driving me to the train station early in the morning.

My first experience of the train wasn't too bad. Americans are generally punctual people, but expect delays. (I can tell from the look of your faces that you're seeing the oxymoron haha). But yeah, for the price (25 USD one way), it was a comfortable ride, and generally everyone has 2 seats to themselves and able to spare the trouble and danger of driving (esp with the hike in oil prices, which is really noticeable here). The scenery is great too! As we zoom by golden maize fields and weirdly named small towns which one will never hear of unless you take the train. For planes don't fly there and tourists don't flock there. It all just serves to remind me how vast US is.

Train was, all in all, delayed by an hour, plus I forgot that there was a difference of 1 hr between Ann Arbor and Chicago, so it got me worried for a while that I might have fallen asleep and missed the station. But as the train pulls near an almost industrial place and then emerging into a underground station, I have reached Chicago Union Station, which is a huge station.

After seeing the industrial stuff and the old looking underground of the Chicago Union Station, emerging from beneath into the heartland of downtown Chicago is a complete eye-opener change.

Welcome to the city of the Architectual.

As nicely placed by Qionghui in her email to me:

"... you get to see all the old and new skyscrapers on one side, and you have a nice park on the other. Nice photo opportunities!"

And indeed, the city view is breathtaking. Rows and rows of skyscrapers, all uniquely different and all coming together to give downtown Chicago such a one-of-the-kind look. Yet the area stands alongside the coast of Lake Michigan, giving the balance of the calm waters and the bustle of the city. And the amazing thing about the buildings is that the streets look different from every angle you look at it, and circling just one building will give you different views every moment. I just walked and walked, lost in the concrete jungle, where no 2 trees are alike.

And if you wonder how the photographers take artistic shots of the buildings? Here's Kenneth attempt at one. In an attempt to capture the space of the cities, not just limited to the roads, but the skies as well. I also took one of a glass building reflecting the clouds and another building.

With my one lousy map, I managed to reach the Visitor's Center and got myself some pretty neat maps. And I decided to walk all the way to my hostel, taking in the sights at the same time. Upon planning my route, I headed for the Millennium Park, which is along Michigan Ave (The Magnificent Mile, where all the shopping is, almost like a One-Mile long Orchard Road back in Singapore).

And as qiongz has said. You have the Lake Michigan on one side, and the city on the other. Beautiful.

Coke in hand,
Lake Michigan at my feet.

After checking into my hostel, it's time for more exploring! I decided not to go downtown Chicago anymore and leave that for the whole day on Tuesday and thus explored the north, which was supposed to be where the gay community hang out. It gets a bit obvious, as evening draws near and you start observing the people on the streets.

I met my first gay club (don't ask me how I know) and i make a ke-blakang pusing and headed back to hostel. It was getting dark anyway, and any good traveler will tell you not to stay out too late in the shady streets of Chicago.

~~~~~

Tuesday morning, I headed South to downtown Chicago, for all the main attractions. I was early enough to see the city wake up and people going to school and work. I walked by Lincoln Park again, because I love the view so much from the day before, taking in more sights of the monuments, lake and beach.

Went to Navy Pier, checked out the Stained Glass Museum amongst other attractions. Walked on south to Soldier's Field, and the other museum in the area. >I really love that area the most, because of the scenery, how everything is spaced out and placed against the clear blue skies with beautiful greenery in front. Fantastic buildings, beauty of architectural.

I had a look at Northwestern University, which also happened to be the one of the University I applied to after 'A' Levels, the one that I put in the most effort for, but still rejected. It's lovely, sitting there beside Lake Michigan.

As I walked further south to Chinatown, you can almost sense downtown Chicago disappear. Upon reaching the peripheral of downtown Chicago, one can just feel that he is walking out of a city and into a town. Less whites and more blacks. I feel the swiss knife in my pocket and walked on. And upon reaching Chinatown, suddenly it became all Chinese! Almost as if Chicago is segregated properly!

I had a well deserved lunch in Chinatown in a store called BBQ King House, a plate of roast duck rice with a bowl of water-cress soup (my favourite soup!), all for only USD5!! The portion's really huge, so I was really full by the end of the meal. Great recommendation by qiongz again.

Late afternoon after exploring the Chinatown, I caught a train back to downtown because my legs were so tired from all the walking. I went up Sears Tower, the worlds 2nd highest building, to check out the scenery of looking down at Chicago from the 103rd floor in the midst of the setting sun. Toy-liked buildings stand in front of me, glimmering in the sun. My favourite view is still that of Lake Michigan in the east. Haha, looks like I got a favourite lake already! And furthermore, the lift up 103 storeys only took 1 minute!

~~~~~

My last morning in Chicago saw me walking through the Magnificent Mile again. Reviewing the sites and eventually hitting the Art Institute of Chicago, which I unexpectedly spent a good half day in, before rushing to catch the train back to Ann Arbor.

The Art Institute is fabulous, which a good selection of art pieces, ranging from European to contempory. I really enjoyed walking through the many galleries, even with my little knowledge and untrained eye, I was able to appreciate some of the works. The basement holds some miniature rooms thingy, which I really liked, and so did the photograph sections.

All in all, an institute to visit if you're in Chicago!

I've seen so much in Chicago that it really isn't possible to name every attraction I visited! Do check out my photos here.

And well, every picture has a story, and maybe one day I may have the chance to write it, =)

~~~~~

So we have come to the part where I'm supposed to say why I'm such a terrible travelling companion.

1) I walk all the time, must have covered like 20 miles (about 32km) a day. Partly because transportation is really expensive (like one bus trip is USD1.75!!!) but mainly because I like to see the sights along the way, and the way of life. I try not to walk the same street twice, always exploring, until the night of course, where I stick strictly to the main street.

2) I have like 1 meal a day. Breakfast is usually milk only and I have a heavy lunch, which might even end up to be dinner as well. Not dieting or saving, but it's just that I don't really get hungry while on the move with so many sights to take in. Plus their lunch portion's huge. My stomach must have shrunk or something, cos even MacDonald's seemed to fill me up. For how to enjoy good food, please visit Charissa.

3) I get up really early. I usually leave the hostel at like 8am.

4) I'm not into fine dining or shopping, not really the typical tourist. I walk, observe lives, take photos and absorb the sights.

I really can't imagine traveling with someone like that. Maybe someone with that kinda traveling habits need to travel alone.

And so I did. =)

A Wolverine Birthday

2005-09-04T14:55:00.000+08:00

"The best thing that a friend can do for another when he is overseas
is to make him feel at home."
- Dirong

~~~~~

A Poem just for me

"heaven holds eternity
transcending the quicksands of time
it is where each star is known by name
and there- we will smile we will sparkle and we will shine
in ways that our wildest dreams can never quite capture..."

Thanks Desiree =)

~~~~~

Memories, of the day in years gone by

I woke up in the cold of the morning, and read the cards that my friends have prepared for me (you know who you guys are *smile*), enjoying the temporary illusion, but feeling the real warmth of home halfway around the globe.

The time zone too, meant that I received sms wishes 12 hours beforehand. Yet by the cradle of my birth, my heart beats to the time of Singapore, and I am all 23.

Being abroad somehow broke the monotony of birthdays, and made it just that little tinge more unique. Of birthday memories, I do not have many to remember by. When I was 12, I celebrated mine on the plane to Australia with my family, with a candle lit on a slice of chocolate cake (which I'm sure was actually dessert) prepared by the air-stewardess. Of 17, when I had to carry this huge box filled with foam around RJ as prepared by 4C gang. Of 19, when I was finally done chiong-ing up the silly hills of Singapore in my greens and camouflage during a Platoon-attack exercise (one of the worst exercise ever), LTA Quek popped by my room and wished me a happy birthday, abrupt but plesantly surprising. Of 20, when my Wing Commander had allowed me to go home for the afternoon, only to be given an urgent call by the Deputy Commander (Army) LTC Kwek of OCS to head back to office for some last minute stuff, and thus having to abandon my brthday plans wih my family.

No parties, no chalets, no crowds. For the warmest of all warmth, lies in the simplicity of being with the closest of family and friends, and spending the day in self-contentment, of not rushing around hosting events, trying to tirelessly entertain or other facades. But just spending the day knowing in my own heart that it is special to me, and treating myself to the little treats of enjoying that in my own world.

Of 23, is a bit more special. And I was not spared the awkardness of having to deal with people, some close but mostly often not, crowding around and giving their wishes.

The Day actually started with a beer with Dirong the night before in Ann Arbor. Deep into the night we chatted.

~~~~~

Being a Wolverine

The next morning was actually a crazy one, as I dressed myself up in a new shirt especially bought for the day's event. A blue-and-maize Michigan Wolverine shirt, all ready for the first College Football match of the season, and my first live (probably only) football match of my life.

And I was a Wolverine for a day.

We first went for Maize Craze with Ben and Uema (hopefully I got his name right), which is an annual event held by the University of Michigan, something like a festival, with booths and free food. The crowd was great and the sun was so georgeous, that we sit on the carpet-like grass and had our food and drinks.

3 hours before the big game, and the Americans have started celebrating. 12 noon, but you find the houses along the way to the stadium filled with parties. Students drinking and josting, cheers and noise (depending on you) fill the skies. All the excitement and hype, as we walked towards the Big House (the football stadium). Families come from afar, in their vans and started bbq-ing along the roads after they parked. It is not just a college event, but almost a state one. The support and fans were crazy, and there was no one on the streets who was not going to the game. Tickets could be sold for at least 4 times the usual price, carpark spaces are going at 20 bucks by the fraternity houses, cars with windows winded down was driving around and cheering. Footballs were being thrown around as the army of blue and maize marched along the streets.

The atmosphere, inside and ouside the stadium, pardon my Americanizaton, was AWESOME!

Feeling all Wolverine, I cheered along with the crowd, even though, honestly, I found the game a bit boring and slow (the flow wasn't smooth). But the audience was breath-taking, seriously, as they cheered on their 99-men strong team. For the moment, you can't but feel loyal to your school. It is the spirit.

GO BLUE!

~~~~~

On ~~Yogurt~~ Ice-cream cake

To be honest, I was not prepared for the mini celebrations that was to come. Never a crowd-person, I found myself slightly awkward, even when I do know about half the people (qiongz thinks thats scary) surrounding me as I cut the birthday cake (which was supposed to be "yogurt" but turned out to be "ice-cream") that Dirong has cunningly bought.

I was touched, to say the least, and maybe slightly embarrassed, as I sat in front of my cake, surrounded by Singaporeans in Michigan, singing that inevitable birthday song.

The cake and its buyer

Thanks Dirong =)

Autumn

2005-09-01T23:38:00.000+08:00

View from Dirong's room in University of Michigan, 2003

I love Fall. Has always, but never knew why its charms appeal to me so much.

It could be the weather, the transition of the hot summers into the chilling winters, but somewhere in between. Hot in the sun, but cold in the shadows.
Scorching sun, cool breeze.

As my memory rest...

It could be the smell, or sound too.
Walking along the edge of the lake and being treated to the crunch and rustle of leaves with each step I make.
And lovely too, the crisp autumn air.

...but never forgets what I lost...

But it's mainly the colours, of the yellow trees. The splendid golden leaves' array
And how the fading grass gleams low in yellow light
And how fluffed-up squirrels scamper, dig and disagree
How the maple leaves turn yellow, orange, red and fall, to give us the natural carpet of autumn designs, right on the clean moist grass.

...wake me up when September ends...

The season of loss, as sadness fills the air whilst leaves drop around us.
Especially if you stand alone.

Solitary, Washington, 2005

旧金山

2005-09-01T06:22:00.000+08:00

A long long time ago, way before our time in the 1840s, many people from all over the world come here to California in search of gold.

And today in 2005, I'm here, looking at the hilly landscape, cloudless blue skies and feeling the cool breeze and warm sun. Another form of gold, perhaps, the intanglible type.

Having spent the last 6 days here, it's time to fly off again to yet another small adventure further north to Ann Arbor and Chicago. So maybe it's a good time for flashbacks.

(imagine the flashback music with background fading into bubbly white)

~~~~~

On the plane from Taipei to SF, I had this 27 year old American called Lindley sitting beside me, who amazingly, is a research fella from NUS, and part of the NUS Everest Team. Read about Lindley and the team here, well, assuming that you did not read about how the team "put NUS at the top of the world" of course, and I believe I made a fairly good assumption.

Anyway, we had a good conversation throughout the flight, which resulted in us watching 2 movies and discussing it, talking about relationships and a bit on life, and not sleeping much through the 11 hrs flight. Wondered how I manage to survive such a conversation, and even persuaded him to go down to the Archery Range to check us out, plus he owns a compound hunting bow that has a poundage higher than most Singaporean compound archers.

NUS Archery, watch out for him for me!

~~~~~

Reaching SF International Airport, I was amazed by this vending machine that sells iPods. Yes, you heard that right. Welcome to Apple Nation!

Really appreciate Xiaotian asking Siswi to pick me up earlier and introducing me to his lovely house along Elm St. A street that seemed really like a typical American neighbourhood, with rows and rows of houses, each with its own character and colour. Nothing high rised along the way, with the sky (and the sun) always in clear view.

Time to get Oakleys.

~~~~~

On Friday morning, after a tiring night of being jet-lagged and helping XT set up his room (a very charming room with wooden walls), as datelines of "1 am" kept extending itself, we went to have a bagel for breakfast. American styled. Cheese-filled bagels in hand, we drove to a nice rock place where we had some fun climbing and then sitting on top of the rock chatting and having our warm bagels, observing the quiet of the area.

XT thought we scared off someone who was probably smoking weed (very obvious left over smells too) and even some squirrels.

But it's great, sitting there, chatting in the cool, and really leaving the fluster behind in Singapore. And you see how big the world is. We were just thinking how great it would be if the gang of us could have a house here after retirement or even now. Imagine a party every night!

Wicked.

View from the top of the rock.

~~~~~

On the same day, we played frisbee, as discussed in my entry below.

The school of William Hung has its charms, lovely lovely character. From the gates to the clock tower to the people to the buldings, there seemed nothing really identical in each building, each destinated for a faculty. As XT says, it has personality and character. Hmm.. even Tan Kah Kee Building. haha.

~~~~~

Saturday water rafting. Yup, you've read all about it here already anyway.

~~~~~

Sunday has always been a day of rest. Reflections. Rememberance. Appreciation.

We visited Julius in the morning, and I remembering the little time we spent together in RI Boarding House when we're still young at 14. Bless his soul, he taught me how to juggle and play the diabolo, and we had some crazy laughter together. Lost contact upon graduation from RI, as he returns to US to study, before his car accident.

He has always loved California, at least better than Singapore, for the weather and the scenery. He was happier here, as his father will tell you, and he smiles more. In Singapore, in RI, he doesn't smile that often, because of the stress, because of the environment, too restricting sometimes. And it's sadly true, as XT and myself reflected upon our lives, that we have lost much laughter ever since we left kindergarten/ primary school. We grew up faster after that. Too fast maybe.

I think he'll be glad to rest here.

Have you ever seen the sky so blue?

~~~~~

Had dim sum lunch in Oakland's "Chinatown" with Haoren, his gf Yingxin, Ai Ping, Jianwei and XT. It's good stuff, and they speak cantonese.

~~~~~

Went Emeryville with Jianwei and XT. Jianwei is probably the best male shopper I ever know, even knowing what to buy and wanting to wait for its sale. Prices of everything he wants in any shops, from Banana Republic to GAP to Oakleys. It's like oh my goodness. He even knows what he wants to buy and checked out the prices.

Saw California Pizza Kitchen. In California. Ah. Well done team.

~~~~~

Tennis in the evening. Yeah you've read about it.

~~~~~

I spent Monday exploring San Francisco alone, since XT has to go to school. So being the good old scout, I walked from the BART (MRT equivalent but with crazy prices) along the attractions to Fisherman's Wharf to Golden Gate Bridge. Which pretty much the whole day of walking since I planned to reach the bridge to capture the Bridge at sunset.

Lovely I would say.

Pictures will say it all. (click link for Photo Album)

~~~~~

As a word of thanks. I'm indebted to Xiaotian and his housemates for having me there with them. Especially XT who took time to show me around, drive me around, run with me, even sharing his bed. Thanks bro.

Cheesecake!

2005-08-30T13:43:00.000+08:00

Prepare to drool.

Basically, I went to San Francisco's "The Cheesecake Factory" and ordered a Toblerone Swiss Almond Cheesecake.

Georgeously sinful. Or sinfully georgeous. Whatever. That was so filling, it became my breakfast, lunch and dinner, since I ate it like at 12 noon. I just couldn't eat anything else for the rest of the day.

For an online mouth-watering experience, visit their menu page here.

California Fitness

2005-08-29T13:14:00.000+08:00

I'm so sorry but this is a digression from the event-by-event account of my trip. Due to limited connectivity and time, and also because there's so much to write, I'll postpone my writings later.

Today is the 4th morning that I've been awakened by the georgeous Californian sun. And it seems that I've been doing not much "tourist-y" sightseeing, but enoying the local atmosphere and life. Hanging out with the Singaporeans here, and exercising!

~~~~~

On Friday, with an almost sudden urge, Xiaotian brought me jogging along Berkeley Marina. I was almost freezing in my singlet and shorts but the run was great, because the view was great and because you can't really sweat in this weather. We ran about 2.4 km before we gave up while Siswi continued her amazing marathon training. Damn, 2 weak guys. haha. But I couldn't really stand the cold air rushing into my lungs as I run, so I was actually wheezing a bit, but it's a fantastic run which I intend to continue doing whilst in school.

Enough talk. Time for some pictures. Of scenery, and kites. A pity you can't feel the wind, the sun and the cold.

Where we ran, view of area from on top of a small mound.

Xiaotian walking down the slope to the other side of the mound. Smartly so, since it is less windy and thus less cold.

Later in the day, we went to play frisbee with the Berkeley Singaporean students at UC Berkeley. Playing sports rock because you don't feel yourself sweating. The sun sets really late too, because it's still the end of summer (though I'm told the change in seasons in Cali is not really noticeable.

Haoren stoning after frisbee

~~~~~

On Saturday, we went white water rafting on the Southern Fork of American River (SFA), difficulty class 3 (1 to 5). It was great fun! And the scenery between the valleys was beautiful, with sparse trees lining the khaki coloured dried grass hills. As Fall approaches, the trees were changing to shades of orange, a lovely sight. It's no wonder my favourite season is Autumn. A pity cameras were not allowed on the trip as we swish and swash down the SFA in our 6 man (plus 1 guide) boat, making wicked turns around rocks and swirling in the rapids. XT was thrown in almost immediately at the first spin spot where he lost his glasses and spoilt his watch's catch (later repaired). I was thrown in somewhere near the lunch point, and I felt the cold water hitting me more actuely than the usual splashing onto us as we rushed into the rapids. Fortinately I was pulled out almost immediately whilst XT had to be rescued by another boat. Which makes the only 2 casualty of the boat since we're rowing in front.

Lunch was simple but great. It's amazing how simple Americans' lunches are. 2 pieces of bread, some ham, veg and sauce. Settled. As we travel further dowstream, the sun makes the calmer waters shimmering glimmer that I was pretty awed by the whole sight. The cloudless sky meeting the Fall-approacing hilly peaks, down to the clear water in the sun, plus the warm sun and cool air, but almost freezing waters. haha.

Driving northeast to the campsite, Camp Lotus. Bright and early, left the house at 6am.

Packing up the raft, at around 3pm

We fell asleep almost immediately upon reaching home.

~~~~~

On Sunday evening 5 plus, we met for tennis! Crazy us, but it was a before-school-starts thing for the Berkeley people, but ermm.. I don't suspect this will end when school begins for them? haha. We played till the sun sets and the cold wind blows, when everyone was rosy-cheeked and tired out. I'm not especially good at tennis, but it's picking up, I guess. =)

Haoren and Xiaotian playing tennis while the sun sets beautifully behind.

I know, you're thinking this doesn't even remotely sound like SEP. It's because you misunderstood what SEP stands for.

You see, SEP = Student Exercise Program.

Taipei

2005-08-26T11:57:00.000+08:00

I suspect this entry will be full of pictures, of an almost blow by blow account of my trip into San Francisco. Currently sitting in the Transit Lounge in Taipei, Chiang Kai Shek International Airport, gleefully hoping to be connected to the world wide web, but to much disappointment, it detects a wireless connection but yet, I was directed to this paysite.

So oh well, I have 4 hours to kill, so I thought it would be good to start writing on good old Word. While listening to Corrinne May (thanks Jo!!!).

Plus I love Taiwan, it has this almost familiar feel to... could be because this is my 5th time in this airport. Or maybe because I find it awfully convenient that I can speak Chinese. And oh, Jolene would like to hear this, I got quite a kick by walking into a duty-free shop (with no intention of buying anything of course) just to hear the Taiwanese say “欢迎光临!” haha, cheap thrill! But yeah, miss the distinct Taiwanese friendliness.

Ok, interesting, I was interrupted by this American sitting across from me in the café where I'm sitting, asking me if I have a connection.

Him: “Are you online?”
Me: “No, sadly, there isn't a connection here.”
Him: “Yeah, well, it's been two days. I'm dying, man. Tokyo has an internet café, but Osaka, none to speak of...”

Talk about internet addiction. The way he says it, it could have sounded like drugs!

Shit, this is a bad place to be sitting, since I'm just in front of this 牛肉面 store, smelling the tantalizing smell that seems to come right from the hot steaming noodles. Well, it’s 2.30pm so I do deserve a right to feel hungry... haha, just prolonging the process, by eating later so that I won't have to go 3 hours after the meal doing nothing.

Damn I'm a constant digression. I was supposed to talk about the ~~food~~ trip.

Despite the almost unearthly hours of my flight and the shackles of school, I'm really grateful to see that some friends came to see me off. Jeffrey (snowboarding time!), Julian (with weird logic on waking hours), Dirong (whom I'm going to see on 1 Sept anyway), Kuangmeng (who didn't do the dramatic running that everyone was expecting), Wan Ling (who managed to wake up! Thanks gal J), Desiree (who didn’t sleep in fear of not being able to wake up.. thanks my friend...), Shilin (I’ll try to keep in the correct shape... haha..) and of course Chelsea (thanks dear, for being brave and not shedding tears...). My family was there less Kathleen who had school, and I'm glad it wasn't as teary as Jolene's departure half a year back. I somewhat even think people are glad to see me go (could feel my eyelid twitching there).

"I feel like a little ~~girl~~ boy, trying to conquer the whole wide world”
- Listening: Corrinne May's Little Superhero Girl

For all the flights I've ever taken, I've never had to board a plane from Terminal 1 and having the plane travel over the overhead bridge overlooking the road into Changi Airport and then taking off on the strip in Terminal 2. Power view! Could see all the cars below me! Plus seeing a plane land just in front me, before my plane turns onto the same strip and take off. For the moment, I really appreciated the people who coordinated the flight timings and taking off timings etc.

Flight was pretty uneventful. Besides watching Monster-in-law (though I must say I was more impressed by Jane Fonda than Jennifer Lopez) and nodding off to sleep for a while, it was pretty smooth. The strange thing was that I feel perfectly calm, almost as if I fly everyday. Pays to be a bit heartless. *laughs*

Clouds are amazing things. Especially when you fly above them. They seemed to have this form about them, not unlike the mountains and valleys on earth. And suddenly the world is nothing but the whites of the cloud-mountains and the blue of the sky...

...and erm, the wings of the areoplane.

Arrived in a Taipei with gloomy skies, and walking around with a big backpack. After smsing home and Chelsea, I went to the transit security point. An interesting scene at the security point was this guy who couldn't go through the metal detector because he has a pacemaker in his heart which would probably be affected by the detector, so he was body searched with hands, rather uncomfortably by the female security officer there. Got to where I am as described in the beginning of the entry. A sudden urge of Singaporean patriotism made me take this photo.

And very much the Singaporean me, this is a moment of racial harmony. One Asian minute by Kenneth. Which really wasn't very nice in the end because everyone else was staring.

With that, I'm feeling rather sleepy and hungry. And surprisingly, time goes pretty fast =)

Next entry: San Francisco.

time for one last one

2005-08-25T01:10:00.000+08:00

And here you are. Reading my last entry written on this lovely sunny island before I come back home on New Year's Eve.

I'm feeling all jittery, a bit nervous, and really not fantastically excited. Still trying to pack lighter, though the luggage's not overweight. And coming to think of it, it'll be my first time I take a flight alone.

For those that had given me best wishes, I'm eternally grateful. Thank you =)

And to everyone and everyone. Take lots and lots of care.

so connected and yet fractured

2005-08-24T12:48:00.000+08:00

I read this article with many head-noddings, societal understanding and much cheerlessness.

Thanks to buddy Yi Lin for forwarding me this article =)

Excerpt:

"...could have sent these words far more efficiently through e-mail than through this 'snail mail'. But I am among those who still believe that sympathy is diluted by two-thirds when it arrives over the Internet transom."

Indeed.

And how apt. That as Glenn has said, we really can't live without the modern technology, that truly displaces world distances and natural/ political/ societal/ and-what-have-you barriers. And for now, I will have to be thankful that I can still use MSN and Skype to keep in touch with loved ones.

And oh buddy Tinkie, I hope you don't mind emails =) Feelings shall not be diluted!

2 more days

2005-08-23T12:07:00.000+08:00

The feeling that everything's done. But not quite.

packing in progress

2005-08-22T03:42:00.000+08:00

Packing is one of those things that, can never seemed to be done even till the last minute. There ALWAYS seems to be more to bring.

With my accomodation not confirmed yet, modules not registered (unable to because I do not fulfil their prerequistics) and travel plans sketchy (roughly here and there, but tickets not booked at all except my flight into USA), it really doesn't seemed that I'm flying in 3 days' time.

So I thought, it is better to get packing first, so that at least I do not procrastinate on that.

In order to enforce strict discipline, I've decided to dump everything that I could possibly need onto my bed, with the intention that I would not get to sleep unless I'm done packing.

A-folding of clothes I began! The the result is a neat pile of stuff at the other side of my room.

I had wanted to travel light, with a small luggage and my bagpack, but after a while, I opted for a larger suitcase (albeit a bit empty), so that I can bring gifts back and need not squeeze so hard. With the backpack of course, I can't imagine travelling anyway without a backpack.

Stationery/ school related packing starts after that. With my trusty Pandy supervising me.

The room is in quite a mess, but I'm glad I got the basic stuff into the luggage and backpack. Now what's left is the thinking and rethinking on what's been missed out.

Like I always say, I'll be glad to carry a 15kg luggage filled with money instead. That would make things hellalot simpler. I would just buy everything.

words of thanks

2005-08-20T22:54:00.000+08:00

I'm feeling sentimental of late =) Do forgive me. It's the temporary parting, never does me any good.

(L to R) Me, Michael, Jeffrey, Haoyong, Dirong
(below Lto R) Xiaotian, Eugene, Kuang Meng

Friday had been a particularly good day, somehow I managed to meet a lot of friends that mattered in my life. And I suspect, this shall be the very first, but the most important, of my thanks.

My gang from RI 4C. Classmates, buddies, brothers. I never thought I would go so far down the roads with 7 other guys. From the truly hilarious to the darkest secrets, we have had the whole specturm of memories. Unfaltering, as worthy friends, you have all been, for the past 8 years. A relationship that even time has problem eroding away. Girlfriends get envious.

It is most heartening thing for me to know, that there are people to fall back on, for almost anything at all. People that I can approach without shame nor guilt, without caring for self-pride, without a mask, should I fall.

Thank you.

linger

2005-08-18T00:33:00.000+08:00

"Mm-Mm I want to linger here

Mm-Mm a little longer here

Mm-Mm a little longer here with you..."

Bright and early I rose, almost eager to go to school;
For perhaps the last time, in the next 5 months to come.
Trodded the path so often done,
Up to Arts canteen.
Heaven, Earth and Hell.

Despite the sweltering heat and breezeless day,
A fuzzy warmth lingers in my heart.
Not of heat but of memories,
Of friendship and the many lunches,
and the light that shines through too.

I sat down with my soy bean milk,
revishing the moment.
Familiar faces dotted the place,
the usual 8am crowd.
Just let me linger, a little longer here with you.

"...Mm-Mm it’s such a perfect night
Mm-Mm It doesn’t seen quite right
Mm-Mm That it’s my last night here with you..."

"Grace was in all her steps,
Heaven in her eye,
In every gesture,
Dignity and love."

And there she has been,
Returned to the Lord since 1999.
A girl of vibrant youth,
consumed by the heartless waters
But in Ubin, the pain will stay.

But here in my heart,
The pain lingers,
The loss felt.
And I couldn't even remember,
The last night there with you

And how I fear,
That as I grow old and older,
That I might remember less and lesser
Of the lovely girl in Nanyang uniform,
Black specs and pinned up hair.

Took a walk down memory lane I did.
And before I leave Mandai,
I thanked her for having touched my life so.
And I'm sure,
I've got a blessing in return.

"...Mm-Mm and come September
Mm-Mm We’ll all remember
Mm-Mm Our lasting friendship true and strong.."

A lunch with beloved Xynath!
Gene, Wan Ling and Jerald too.
Tea with Shilin, many stories shared.
Do this all again we will!
When December ends.

"...Mm-Mm and as the years go by
Mm-Mm I'll think of you and sigh
Mm-Mm This is goodnight and not good bye..."

And what an AGM it was!
The completion of a cycle.
The new steps up, the old steps back.
But we shared many a moment,
That will last till the end.

As I bid "goodnight"s
and said "take care"s
I stood still, and lingered there.
Goodnight is not forever goodbye
I'll still go back, to the range sometime.

See you there.

"...Mm-Mm I want to linger here
Mm-Mm a little longer here
Mm-Mm a little longer here with you..."

the real life

2005-08-16T15:03:00.000+08:00

Life. Gets more real when you come into contact with people, listen to conversations, and well, read less fairytales. I know I contradict myself sometimes, either that or I'm still sitting on the fence, trying to find a nice balance between fairytales and the somewhat harsher reality. Greedy I am, trying to believe in the first, but yet be prepared for the latter.

I've not written for some days, so here are some instances that struck me.

~~~~~

At Contact 2005, where the freshmen going to US universities come together to know each other better. A game, needing the whole group to present their ideas on a sheet of mahjong paper.

Guy J: Hey Girl E! You write la! Girls' handwriting confirm better than mine lor!
Very convenient, since Girl E was the only girl in the group. PLUS she's especially good looking. But overall, a failed attempt at buaya-ing
Girl E: *laughs* You see, we type more than we write these days.
Ouch. A slap right onto Guy J's face. Well done.

PS. I type better than I write too. Especially since I can download fonts. Hmm. But hey, don't stereotype =)

~~~~~

Still at Contact 2005, talking about their greatest accomplishments. (Not entirely true.. well, laugh along!)

A: Well, I AM a President Scholar, you know.
B: I represented Singapore in Maths competitions.
C: I made it to Stanford!
D: I can dance any sort of dance.
E: I'm still a virgin.
All: ... ...

Well, what really matters these days? *laughs*

~~~~~

I remembered clearly, during Bintan, when Adnan mentioned about "marriage of convenience". That people got married because the time was right, because the income was there, because the partner is there, because the house is ready. How skeptical and unromantic, but yet, not entirely false.

On Friday, I drove my father and his friend (Uncle Tham) down to another of his friend's workshop, where they decided to car-pool and drive up together to Malaysia for a golf game. As I drove carefully on the rain-laden roads, I listened with interest (not often does this happen, you see) on the conversation carried out. Real life kinda conversations.

Dad: You know, XYZ Company is turning its engineering resources global, so either Mr E or Mr H would have to go soon.
Uncle Tham: Yah, I heard, it is so silly. How can one angmoh handle a worldwide transaction? I bet you, soon he'll get them both back on the team.
Dad: Mr E is fine, he's about our age isn't he? His kids are mostly grown up, only 1 left in JC I believe.
Uncle Tham: True, H is worse off, he's so young, only late-thirties? All his kids are in school.
Dad: E can probably retire. Who will employ people at our age?
Uncle Tham: But that's besides the point isn't it? Once you are able to see your kids through school, you can consider your job done, and take a step back.
Dad: But people like us can't live very much longer without things to do.

Perhaps what struck me was the part (not here) where they discussed timings and such. Like at 30, you should be doing what what, at 35, what else, 40, yes this and that... Life is so.. ordered? And sometimes, we talk about life to be free and to live life to the fullest, I really wonder how much of this talk can be fulfilled. Commitments tie us down, and it's something we can't just chuck aside.

Somthing I heard from Meiru's Dance teacher. “自我”与“忠孝”不能双有。You can't be selfish and loyal/ filial at the same time, or can you?

But strange, when we talk about living our lives out, it sometimes imply seeing children through schools and feeding families. And all the wild dreams of adventures, really, have to be put aside while we carried out our obligations, which could be never-ending. So whatever happened to all the "live free" and "live your life the way you want it" slogans?

Life of convenience? Or, haha, life of INconvenience?

~~~~~

For those who just turned 21 and eagerly awaiting the elections to show your proud step into adulthood as you drop that vote into the boxes of destiny, I know disappointment has swept you away.

But never fear, you can still vote here at Sintercom!

~~~~~

A post Charlie and the Chocolate Factory kinda connversation.

Chelsea: Do you feel like a man now?
Me: No, I don't.
Chelsea: And when will you feel "man" enough?
Me: Maybe I will when I start to have my own steady income, look after myself and have my own family
Chelsea: When did you stop feeling like a boy?
Me: I think, somewhere at Sec 3, I stopped being a boy and became a young adult. All the responsibilities and stress and what not. I somehow skipped the "teenager" phase. And now, I'm a very old young adult.

~~~~~

On fireworks

Ben: Think I'm going to be late. You can't believe how crowded town is! I've moved a record of 50cm in 5 minutes.
Me: Because of the fireworks?
Ben: Yah man. Why can't they just used up all the fireworks on National Day?
Me: They can't, else no one will be able to get home on National Day. Human flow of 1 cm per minute.

~~~~~

I've just gotten the nicest gift from Archery, and it comes in a form of a T-shirt with scribbled words on it. PLUS my Chinese name boldly inprinted at the bottom left, easily the nicest I've ever seen my Chinese name written. The rest of the wordings? Well, as much of it was rubbish as it was heartfelt. =)

But this is what makes us unique isn't it?

It's all Shi Ling's fault.

Thanks fellas =)

cold lungs

2005-08-12T00:57:00.000+08:00

Thursday 11 August 2005

1000hrs
Woke up. Reluctantly of course.

1100hrs
"I want a Felix Felicis potion too!"
(ie, reading Harry Potter. Yah, I know. So 16-July.)

1111hrs
The call.
Worried, sighing, tired and "whyisthishappeningagain"s.
Lungs shrink, breathing difficulty begins. Somehow, air was cold too.

1300hrs
Rushed out of home.
Found out that Jolene is going to exercise.
It began to rain. Strange, considering that it was all sunny in the morning.
See the link? It always happens! Jolene is the weather-guru.

1315hrs
I think my ears are too small. Either that, or Creative earphones are too big. I have problems making them stay in my ears comfortably.
Or is it just me?

1349hrs
Saw this cuteeeee boy on the way from North-South line Dhoby Ghaut to the NEL. Yellow raincoat with a hood, yellow bear bag, and light yellow shoes!
Sorry I had to take a picture with my handy phone, since my camera has decided to die on me.
And yah, that's what I was going to HarbourFront for, to Canon Repair Centre I go!

1350hrs
My obsessions with cute kids just began! Remembered seeing this pic online and decided to post it here as well.
Happy Birthday Singapore. =)

1405hrs
Reached HarbourFront flustered. Forgot to check out exact address of Canon Centre, since I thought I was so good at remembering at a glance off the screen 2 nights ago.
Apparently not.
Plus heartbeat was still pumping at a unhealthy rate, topped with cold lungs failing to take in more air to accomodate my sighing.
s o m e t i m e s I j u s t c an n o t p r e t e n d t o b e i n t e r e s t e d .

1410hrs
Sorry to Chelsea.
Thanks to Chelsea, got the address (after walking around HabourFront Towers. Trying to act smart again.) found out it is KEPPEL BAY TOWERS.
Argh.
Grabbed lunch.

1515hrs
Finally reached my queue number. Sent my camera for a $100+ repair. Trading-in didn't seem too viable, since I might as well get another new camera at Sim Lim, way cheaper than the retail price here.
Customer Service Officer wasn't really professional. Kept giving me the "I'm tired cos I'm so busy" look. Not so good.

1533hrs
THE call (unrelated to the 1st "The call")
Jiankai took over the phone, making me guess who he is with "I'm your primary school classmate, now in NUS doing same econs major as you". Damn. I had the impression of Junliang in my head.. till I put down the phone. so embarrassing.
Jealousy mixed with envy. Why do you feel jealous at all? Because you care.. too much?
And maybe, you feel, you thought, you were once more special.. and now, you're not so. Not the most special. Fallen from grace, the grace that probably wasn't even there. Self- delusion
The sinking-of-the-heart feeling.
Lungs felt colder, tighter.
A moment of Jeff Chang on my MP3 player brought a moment of inner harmony.

"谁不是这样以为

骗自己忘了无所谓

却事与愿违

往事轻扣我心扉"

- 《用情》

1545hrs
Got my air tickets finally! From Ik Chin People's Park. Onwards USA!

1630hrs
Finally rushed down to NUS.
Archery Intro course! It's great to do all these teaching again, spreading the goodwill of the sport.
Gloomy skies, burst balloons, old friends, dinner ar Clementi.

I'll miss everything.

1900hrs
You're beautiful

1900hrs and 1 second
~~You're beautiful~~
*slaps myself*

童话里都是骗人的

2000hrs
Met Jiankai and caught up a bit.
Probably over-sensitive, observed the more playful gestures and more friendly conversations.
Pained.
And why, why do we over-react sometimes, why are we over-sensitive sometimes?

2100hrs
Dinner with Chelsea at Sakae Sushi, Bugis.

2330hrs
Caught a glimpse of "绝对Superstar". Not much of a follower, but the cute Derrick is out, to Kathleen's dismay.
Kelvin (the blind contestant) is still in, but I suspect his journey is up. This world is not fair, even if he was really good, do you think Singapore would dare present him as "Singapore's Superstar"? If so, If looks didn't matter and if "Superstars" weren't meant to be flawless, Olinda would have made it to the finals of Singapore Idol with Taufik, rightfully.

2400hrs
More Jeff Chang before I sleep.

"曾经我以为

事过境迁

走了这么远

总该能把痛给忘却

距离却一再提醒对你的想念"

- 《受罪》

not just any Tom, Dick and Harry

2005-08-10T23:52:00.000+08:00

It's exhausting writing deep stuff, takes a lot out of me, so occassionally I do post silly stuff.

But this, oh-my-goodness, this, is not meant for any Tom, Dick and Harry, mind you.

*serious look*

Statistics have shown, indeed, that the phrase "any Tom, Dick and Harry" has proved to be quite detrimental to the three names. My charts will show later on, the proof.

With thanks to Mr Brown (whom I found the link from), you can check out this website called NameVoyager. Type in your name and see how popular (or unpopular) it was over the decades.

I understand that Huiting is looking for a English name. Well, nice place to start!

Anyway, back to topic.

As we can see, "Tom" as fallen sharply over the decades. It was the 46th most favourite name in the 1880s, but in 2004, it's not even in the top 1000.
Now when I think of Tom, I only remember Tom and Jerry the cartoon. And everyone loves Jerry, of course.

"Dick" was really popular in the 1930s. About 500 out of every million babies were "Dick"s. Interesting. But by the 70s, it was out of trend.

"Harry" showed the most obvious decline in relative terms. But yet, in absolute numbers, it is still by far the most favourite of all three, still ranking 531 in 2004 with about 100 in every million babies with that name. Obviously parents didn't mind "Harry" kids.

Now that I looked back, I only knew 1 Dick and 1 Harry. And somehow both insists that they be called by their Chinese names *shrugs*

I also did a check on "Britney" and "Angelina", and it's amazing to discover that "Britney" is really a 1990s sensation and the way "Angelina" shoots up in favour in the last decade will shock you. Talk about idol worship.

If I name my son "Tom", albeit out of date, will he look like Tom Cruise?

Enough rubbish. Try it now!

barely scraping the surface.

2005-08-08T01:21:00.000+08:00

Sepia-tinged with melancholy

It is truly ironic, that when I started this blog, I wanted more thoughts and feelings and less events and narrations. But yet, descriptions after descriptions load the recent pages I penned on.

Perhaps. Maybe things have changed. And why not. Things change. Some don't, and be grateful for it. Yet you wish some do.

All changes are sepia-tinged with melancholy, for what we are leaving behind is part of ourselves.

"The melancholy days are come,

the saddest of the year,

Of wailing winds, and naked woods

and meadows brown and sear."

- William C. Bryant

Melancholy can be so beautiful. Tragic beauty. But to be able to write it all down with an heavy heart, is really putting feelings into words. To be able to feel the sediments of depression, and reflect upon things that used to pain.

And tonight, while my buddy Tinkie told me how glad she was that somethings, like our friendship, don't change; I was wondering why don't some other stuff change. Emotions. Can you hate love?

K: There was once a type of candy you loved. Craved and desired. But one day it was discovered that the candy was bad, really bad, harmful in fact. But yet you know, you can't change your love into hatred, just like that.
T: it doesn't change the fact that u used to like it.
K: What if u still like it?
T: then u have to learn to live with yourself, your choices isn't it?
T: and learning to live with the fact that you're not as perfect as you'd like yourself to be

Can you reason infatuation?

~~~~~

self-styled obligations

On the first night of Bintan, we sat by the beach and looked at stars. Looking into the unknown made us question the unknown. On life and on purpose. On regrets and on dreams.

Empty chairs..
Memories of intriguing conversations
under the Bintan stars

As much as I would like to make a name for myself, I know I am one of little ambitions. Man, being man, would love to be great. Man create dreams and goals for themselves to achieve. And isn't it strange, that such self-styled obligations are the very ones that lead to regrets? Regrets stem from discontentment, from unachieved goals.

If I had only...
forgotten future greatness
and looked at the green trees and the buildings
and reached out to those around me
and smelled the air
and ignored the many forms and self-styled obligations
and heard the rain on the window-pane
and saw the sun setting into the sea
and felt the fire warm my hands
and put my arms around those I love
... and it's not too late.

Yet I believe it's good to have goals, small short-term ones along the way, to make a life more purposeful. I never had any grand general scheme or plan for my life, maybe I just like to tag along and see what life has for me, to continue discovering. It's hard for me to even think 2 years down the road.

I really believe, that "the road is always better than the inn" (Cervantes). The greatest fun comes from the journey, because it is where we display our creative effort and live our lives. Like I know, I enjoy creating a picture from photoshop more than the posting of it online or anywhere for the world to view, and in fact, many of my "creations" had only taken up space on my hard disk. I love hiking, because of the sights and the stress I had to endure during the process.

The short-term goal achieved is like the inn, a checkpoint, a temporary resting place along the road of endless self-fulfillment, and a starting place for another new adventure.

Yet along the path to the next inn, I've always expected the best effort from myself. To go as far as possible, to excel. Well, Man are egoistic, I would love to hang a glowing resume at every inn I stopped.

Focus on the journey, have fun and be creative! And not just set your eye too firmly on the ultimate goal or the self-styled obligations. Maybe life would have less regrets.

~~~~~

To thine own self be true

And when asked what's the biggest regret in my life, I gave it a thought, and answered simply that I haven't always been true to myself.

Somehow, I've always wanted to stick to a set of unwavering principles, and sought to live an upright life. To have courage. To put in my best and to try to help, even if it means getting bullied. To serve. To be all that I could in order to live with a clear conscience; being able to lay around freely and ponder without a worry.

In a world of our own,

where no one else can share

all our troubles, we leave

Far behind us there.
Let them all fade away

Just leave us alone

As we live in a world of our own.

And sometimes I fantasized. Thinking what it would be like, to live a life like my idols 赵云 (Zhao Yun) and 郭靖 (Guo Jing), honest, upright, loyal and courageous. And I wondered if this is being true to myself even. You know the questions that follow: am I who I am, or am I trying to be someone else.

And how far can we be true to ourselves and to our set of principles?

Changes. Our image, opinions of ourselves, view of things, and even the road map of where we're going in life are never static, with everything set in motion. Everyday we must rethink who we are, and how these principles are guiding us. And how others are affected by us.

Sometimes, I found, that being true to yourself might hurt others, and thus people might avoid being totally true. And for me, the greatest flaw of mine is sometimes to be too concerned of others' opinion of me, such that it becomes an additional burden of an expectation to carry out. And worse, my own paranoid opinion of myself.

I've said things and asked questions that I now regret, for they have probably lowered my image, but yet, at that very moment when the words were spoken, weren't we all just being true?

Do not judge on the 1 wrong thing a person has done, but the 9 good ones he has done prior to this.

~~~~~

Pardon my random thoughts, and poor articulation. My ideas jumped to and fro, left and right, in english and in chinese, and it was getting increasingly difficult to note everything down.

Life is like a can of coke.
Bubbles escape, and it fizzles out.
Things fizzle out too, like passion and energy.
Like love and friendship.
But life, like coke
can still be sweet.

Zouk for the 2nd time

2005-08-07T14:29:00.000+08:00

My second time in Zouk did not seem any better than the first. Well, at least I lasted longer inside, had a couple more drinks, and met more familiar faces.

Could still remember my first time in Zouk during army days when Pingbu brought me along. Lasted all the painful one hour before I decided to take a slow walk home. Yes, walked. Needed that much fresh air.

So this time round, I was lured by Edward's mail, though I never managed to find Edward in that sea of people inside Zouk. An event organised by the US Universities (Chicago and Pennsylvania), I thought it was going to be a good time to see friends that have disappeared to the US! And so I did, though I too realised that I was not fantastically close to them anyway.

And I too thought, it was a good time to lose myself.

Lost.

As my heartbeat thumps to the loud trance music, with a life of its own. Ironically peaceful when the eyes are closed. Imagine not needing to think and just letting your heart pound. It's good not to be in control sometimes.

Bring out the booze people!

We (Me, Jeff, Mike, Haoyong, XT, Dirong and his gf Peiyin) had supper along River Valley road. It was nice getting to know Peiyin, afterall, I always believed that it's healthy to know your buddies' gfs =)

Cab home with Mike, and actually switched on the comp to listen to some music. Proper music with lyrics. Aamazing to find Cheowhui online, and we had a little chat. I think that was close to 5am. This is getting crazy.

~~~~~

Rag earlier on Saturday morning. Managed to take some photos before my camera went bonkers. I thought everyone improved from last year! Though the amazing thing is tht Biz Ad did not win anything! Must have been the shock of the year.

Meet the overall winner........ SCIENCE!

~~~~~

In the wise words of Jeffrey.
"Don't let it fuck you over and over again."

You're Beautiful

2005-08-06T00:46:00.000+08:00

My life is brilliant.

My love is pure.

I saw an angel.

Of that I'm sure.

She smiled at me on the subway.

She was with another man.

But I won't lose no sleep on that,

'Cause I've got a plan.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.

You're beautiful, it's true.

I saw your face in a crowded place,

And I don't know what to do,

'Cause I'll never be with you.

Yes, i'll never be with you.

Yeah, she caught my eye,

As we walked on by.

She could see from my face that I was,

Fucking high,

And I don't think that I'll see her again,

But we shared a moment that will last till the end.

And I wish,
against all wishes,
that I never had to see you again.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.

You're beautiful, it's true.

I saw your face in a crowded place,

And I don't know what to do,

'Cause I'll never be with you.

Yes, you're beautiful.

Always had been.

Always will.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.

You're beautiful, it's true.

There must be an angel with a smile on her face,

When she thought up that I should be with you.

But it's time to face the truth,

I will never be with you.

I could never be with you.

Words of Inadequacy

notes from a slacker

post-erm...everything

results

ah, the great outdoors

the chase - a New Year Entry

For the First Time

meant not to be

spiritual machine

just being.

the problem with memories

Archers 4

Quod Petis Hic Est

further education

out and back again

half empty

disconnected again

something missing

"closure for all your regrets..."

thought-provoking Simpsons...

snail observing

the crossroads ahead

Life Is Wonderful

"自-high"

the great SEP hangover

Dear Jason

又想，深夜

"to be a better man" chant

失望

wordplay-ed

sexuality (3)

sexuality (2)

dear diary?

and i thought i would never say this

stories unshared

love, me

thoughts of a burning scalp

chalks and powerpoints

unwell

Your #1 Match: INFJ

Your #2 Match: INFP

Your #3 Match: ISFJ

Your #4 Match: ENFJ

无光

bless you

of a land far away

Christmas - a month late

cutest girl in movie history

stoning

让我想起了一个故事...

almost like a freshman

i was..

home

paradox of departure

that enigmatic smile

Big Bear Trip!

SEP Part 3

a question

"winter" blues

L.A.Beverly.Hollywood. *gasp*

"you chew gum, you go to jail. bad boy"

Veteran's Day

delightful sprays

"What's it REALLY like?"

Halloween

Exploring the OC

#1 accessory in California

Other UCI happenings

ah, the sun again

folly of intolerant idealism?

¡Recepción!

in love with the Pacific

good karma costs USD250

the show blog must go on

idle blogger

the UC in the OC!!!

a traveler's wishes

Rediscovering the Bay

Tea with Bush

Ann Arbor

L.A.Beverly.Hollywood. gasp