Sometimes I really find it amazing how I managed to slack the whole long holidays away. Relaxation suits me just fine, but idleness and nil achievement is another matter altogether. It leads me to wonder if my mom wonders what on earth I'm doing - because I would have no idea what to tell her.

Well, to be fair, I have been:

1) Playing too much games
"Games" should have been "game", since I've technically only been playing 三国志11 (I guess Microsoft Hearts don't really count). It's addictive and absolutely crazy. Staring at the computer screen for so long has never been so easy.

2) Playing too much Mahjong
Once a week for the last 3 weeks isn't really that bad right?

3) Finishing up with Heros
Brilliant. Did Sylar die? Did Peter and Nathan die? I want Chapter 2 NOW!

4) Attempting to sing “新不了情”
It's all 萧敬腾's fault.

5) Reading up
On subjects like investment, stocks, markets - work related. Realised that it doesn't really excite me that much and wondered if I've landed myself a wrong job, abide the good pay. Why on earth was I chosen anyway. Time will tell.

6) Doing random work
For dad. Like website creation and business card printing. The website is so simple (and not very pretty, because the writer has really a bad sense of design) that I wouldn't really bother putting the link here. Ask me if you need a laugh.

7) Deathclock counting down
Deathclock says that I have approximately 1,545,600,000 seconds left to live, i.e., I should die on Wednesday June 14, 2056. Which means I will actually live till 74. Hmm. I think the moment you put things in seconds, it seems short somehow. I do feel that "60 seconds" seems shorter than "1 minute", if you get what I mean.
Fear is another scary thing. You feel it before the moment of fear, and sometimes after. But never during. That moments freezes.

I got into quite a bad accident one fine night on 4th June. It's the first time I understood the phrase "I have no idea what hit me" really means. This taxi came across me so suddenly and sharply that my brakes couldn't avoid the collision. Luckily, no one was hurt, but surprisingly, the passengers of the taxi were literally cursing at the driver. Volunteered to be my witness, and spare me all the repair costs (claiming from the taxi's insurance). That I'm not at fault never did cross my mind, but whether everyone is alright and well. You do learn things from disasters. It's crazy, but I still drove that car all the way home, and I'm really thankful since the mechanic told me the next day that the radiator water was leaking all the way and I could have overheated the damn engine.

I should be thankful I'm still here. And I am.

And I am still slacking. =)

FINALLY.

(actually I wondered who still reads this. Take this as a self-exclamation and some sort of a valid but lame reason/ excuse to not have blogged for the last goodness-how-long. Accepted? Why thank you. *smile*)

Believe me. I really did wanted to blog all of the last sem. Well, at least after finishing the thesis and all, but I had a hard time logging into blogger. Kept getting stuck without getting into this "Create new post" page. So, yes. Finally, a stroke of genius (a very slow and dense genius, but still genius nonetheless) got me downloading Firefox (told you I'm slow already) allowed me to enter blogger effortlessly. Now. Why didn't ANYBODY tell me changing a browser would help?

Don't tell me cos I didn't ask. That's my line.

It's good to be back. I feel rusty and my dictionary seems to be eroding away, leaving behind numbers and words like "elasticity" and "welfare". Bleah. Sorry for the lack of creativity in the next few posts till I get my touch back. And in case I don't, gosh, it means this blog will be a horrible read.

Ah. June. It's the end of... well, almost everything actually.

Thesis.Exams.School life.
Grad trips - Korea and Taiwan.
Loads of fun - enjoying it before work starts.

I'll touch on them slowly but surely.

Last sem was seriously quite fun. The only serious piece of work seemed to be the thesis, which was actually enjoyable. It was a lot of getting to know more econs people who technically has been studying the same damn thing as me for the last 4 years. It's amazing how much I squeeze the getting-to-know-them-in-4-years part into one sem. Barring all negativities I have about NUS, this is what makes varsity life more like varsity. I would love to sincerely thank everyone who made the honours room so alive. The outings keep on coming, but you know we Singaporeans never say such thanks in person, and because I am such a typical scared-to-look-awkward Singaporean, I would only write it here. But you know I mean it.

Going to work is like this scary thing now. It's like going into army or going overseas to study where you seem to disappear for a long long time. You have a checklist of things to do, people to meet before work starts, as if work is going to consume you (maybe it will). "Oh, better do this before you start work", "better do that".

It's almost silly. But you know, like I always say, I'm so typical that I'm behaving silly too.

But silly is good sometimes. It retains that bit of innocence left in us. I'm taking time to review and update my contact lists, write thank you cards to my Commander in army and Professors in school, write e-mails to people whose friendships I once swore to myself that I'll never give up.

The sad truth is that sometimes we forget and let other priorities run us down. There is nothing more sad than to forget forever.

This time, I hope to get them right again.

Yeah, that explains this blog too. =)

"What happens if you can't get the results?" he asked, out of concern, and probably a little stress. "I can't really help you, you know?"

I sigh under my breath, but pulled out my conviction and most true thoughts.

"I know everyone does a thesis to get some sort of expected results. After all, grades matter. But if I don't try, I will never know right?"

"So you will still report it if the results are trivial?" Still cautious. I fully understand why.

I commit myself. "Yes I will."

The moment you thought it was going to be rainy everyday, Singapore turns on the heat. For once in a long long while, I was actually sun-burnt.

Then again, what other better way to end the (way too short) hols?

It started with the KL trip. Hot, scorching, red.

Then it was Raffles Trail at RI, where I just sat and watch. Pure, pure nostalgia.

Then it was Wild Wild Wet. Burnt shoulders and rosy cheeks.

Then it was soccer on sunday morning 10am to 2pm. Tired thighs and hurt ankles. Did I mention hot again?

And then it was finally school again. With the new funeral-like canteen in arts and ever noisy Econs people in Honours room playing bridge. You heard that right.

I love moral hazard. *grin* Bridge, DotA, mahjong, soccer, gym anyone? When? During term time of course. When else?

All so often, we like to chase the stuff that eludes us. And maybe forget those that we already had.

Wants, desires, love.

The more they make us work for them, the more we want them. Ignore and take for granted those we already owned.

Cling on to the ones we think we might lose, yet not fully appreciating what we have.

How warped.

They've always said Christmas to be peaceful and tranquil.

Yet, the most serene moment was when I'm driving home down the PIE at 3am after supper, listening to "For the First Time" on Class 95.

Almost sedated.

~~~~~

And indeed, this is the first time I blogged almost all semester. For the First time, in almost 4 months. Forgive me.

It had been a crazy semester. It felt like just yesterday when the sem began, but yet it also seemed like a dreaded forever for it to be over. Sometimes I wonder how that could be possible, but it did.

I wondered if it has been rewarding. Got to know many more Econs Honours student, much more than I ever knew existed in the last 3 years. Lost contact with many others, especially with those who graduated and entered that new phase of life before the rest of us. Embroiled in the battle between desire to push into 1st Class Honours or to take it easy and be contented. Fought, and lost the battle, and thus the war. Noted with a painful sigh that I just wasn't good enough.


~~~~~

But I am back. To write. To tell stories, and to hear.

I apologise. It's been frustrating trying to log into the "new blogger" the last week or so. Tried and tried, and failed till today.

So do drop me comments, tell me stories, share life with me. It truly matters. =)

It's a cool, drizzly, foggy night.
A mist caused by the falling of midnight dew.
Scent of freshness of a washed world.

One of those nights which you can either snuggle away, curled up in your comfy bed or let those stream of reflections emerge. Or better, do both.

Of so many things, it was meant to be. Or not meant to be. Or meant not to be. Do they all mean the same thing?

A case of missed opportunities, chances slipped by, lack of action. Or is it destiny, fate. Or are they all essentially the same?

Regret sometimes come packaged with an ignorant acceptance of second-best, conscious contentment with subconcious dissatisfaction.

But what would we give up for perfection? Maybe nothing? Because perfection might not be perfect after all; what we have now may be good enough.
Or is that an escapist's excuse of denial?