In a period of uncertainty fraught with doubts, the best thing to happen to you is to meet someone who could unknowingly show you the way.

There will always be this person. There will always be this happy-go-lucky, not brilliant but not stupid, uncomplicated and not-so-ambitious fella in your circle of friends. The person your group of friends shared simple laughters with, and poked fun at each other.

And perhaps that was what I felt as I bumped into Ernest on the train last Thursday. Good'ol BMT mate who went on to secure a PSC Scholarship and studied in Imperial College, UK, now back to finish his NS.

Good fella. Simple. Sentimental. Happy-go-lucky, but definitely smart. We chatted all the way to Tampines, and even watched many of his buses pass us by at the bus stop. He could hardly recognise me on the MRT, he said, claiming that I looked older (later tactfully changed to "more mature", but nope, didn't make me any happier haha), perhaps in my working clothes and all.

Chatted of old times, old friends, and the future. And here we have, a PSC scholar lamenting about the constraints of a 6-year-bond civil service career, and an Econs undergraduate complaining how he has to struggle to get himself a good and stable job upon graduation. He insisting that the money is in the private sector, and me envying him of the prospects of an well-routed career to eventual policy administration.

The half full way is the typical: The grass is greener on the other side.
The half empty way: The shit is stinkier on my side.

I think Ernest was more than God-send, to have bumped into me that day. In a time when my belief in myself is wandering, his belief in me made me stronger.

As I expressed my worries about not being to find a good job, he told me that "someone of my calibre and personality need not worry" with so much genuineness that it touched me. I must have done something right in the army.

At that very moment, some worries were straightened out, and I know that to continue to inspire and do "right" for myself, I would need to seek out a niche for myself where I can find that particular motivation that drives me. It's too easy to get lost in reality.

We were meant to live for so much more.
Have we lost ourselves?

~~~~~

In a period of bustle and hassle, it is sometimes in the strangest of all things that we find tranquility on a Friday evening.

Midst of setting up.

About done!

I find an empty Multi-Purpose Hall freshly set up for archery indoor competition particularly serene. No competitors, no noise, no stress. Just the sense of satisfaction in the air upon completion of the set up. A quiet awe of how hard work can transform the hall into a tidy looking competition ground. Aligned rows of target boards, neat ground markings of masking tape and clear bold numbers indicating the lanes and targets.

I like the peacefulness; almost like an hideout. There is just so much emotions and memories tied to such events that I want to go through it again and again. I couldn't resist grabbing some umbrella pins and setting up the targets again.

Satisfaction isn't always hard to achieve.

We were meant to live.
We were meant to live.

Loyalty is another strange thing.

Loyalty gets rewarded, as I avoided the additional frustration of losing all my contacts along with my handphone after I discovered that I had (fortunately) backed up my stuff from my (now gone) hardy 7610 onto my PC. Never mind if the last backup was done before I flew to US, at least I had a large part recovered. The contact list is compatible, thank goodness.

Loyalty makes you narrow-minded. I'm sure the next time this happens, I'll pop right by the Nokia section first even before recalling the existence of other brands. Hey, Nokia PC Suite is a brilliant program.

But well, I'm back connected. With my brand new Nokia 6280. With thanks to the Progress Package.

You know how some people will feel awfully naked without their mobile phones around them? Throw in the frustration especially if they had lost it instead of just misplaced it.

For me, naked, no but frustrated, yes, a bit, maybe. But I was more in disbelief, especially since I found out that I lost my phone within minutes of me losing it. Probably dropped it while running for the bus. Got off at the next stop and ran back but it was gone. That will go down in history as my first expensive item (handphone, watch, wallet etc) lost. I'm usually not that careless.

Then you know, the next stage is the one of self-denial and self-consolation?

All the "yup, always a first time for everything, even carelessness; wasn't really my fault" and "it was lagging badly with 3200 smses in my inbox and probably dying anyway" and "time for a new one I guess" and "fortunately, my contract is up and I haven't renewed the plan yet".

Humanly responses are strange.

Oh. No time to blog. I got to go play with my new toy.

For the past week, I felt that same feeling.

That empty feeling.

Something missing. I know. But what?

Tried going out. But it was such a horrible experience squeezing with the crowd on the weekends. Suntec was a bad choice last Saturday with the IT Fair, and Bugis was not any better with 扬丞琳 coming to town. The crowds gave me a really bad headache. The weather is draining; can you imagine the sun setting at only 7.15pm?

Stayed at home. Course during the weekdays, back home for dinner, then switch on the computer during the time in between before TV watching at night.


And then it strike me.

Don't laugh. It's a guy thing.

I need a game.

Yes, a computer game. To indulge in the make-believe fantasies of heroism and dreams, for the times inbetween. Well, that's why games allow you to rename the main character, you know. We deserve to be the hero once in a while =)

峻峰将军出动攻击！

Childish. I know *wince* but I need a 古装 outfit to complete it. oh well.