"Why do I feel so tired?" I complained, to no one in particular.

It was as if she read my mind.

"Because life in Singapore is hectic."

A momentary pause, almost unnoticeable.
The type of pause that's so short, but yet filled with zillions of memories flashing by all at that moment.
The type of pause that meant there was more to that short sentence uttered.

"I miss Lund."

Time came to a standstill for that few seconds after.
And in that few seconds, two minds travelled to lands far away. Different destinations, different streams of memories, but somehow it still felt the same, as if we shared the same experience, the same understanding.

"I miss US too."

Two inaudible sighs.
Two wandering minds.
I broke out of my wanderings, and left Jolene to hers as I walked back to my room.

This entry is kinda late, but I just wanted to get it on the blog somehow.

I mean, it was the last dash at fun and freedom before flying home after SEP. =)

~~~~~

After a restless 10-hr overnight bus ride from Irvine to Oakland, it was really good to spot the familiar face of Xiaotian coming by to pick me up at the bus station at 8am in the morning. 4 hours later, we were all at the San Francisco International Airport picking Jeffrey up.

No dramatic airport welcome scenes, just a firm handshake and genuine welcome for a dear friend into the sunny state of California.

And the first thing Jeffrey-the-man-with-steel-liver did was to buy us a keg of beer you see on the right.
German beer.
For the night.

~~~~~

24 hours later, the 3 of us were on the plane bounded for Boston.

Jeffrey probably still jet-lagged, and me, still suffering from lack of sleep on the bus ride, gladly rested on the flight. Fortunately, we arrived in Boston early enough to catch the last few trains to our hotel. It was cold, and my ears and nose almost freezed off.

We picked Michael up at the train station in Boston, and there we are! 4 travellers finally together, flying into the same place from all over the globe.

22 Dec 2005

The next day, we met Teo Heng (who's studying in Harvard now) for lunch, at Harvard of course. A good chance to tour the presitigous school, beautiful with its ice-capped yard and withered trees. The early fall of snow (snowstorm in fact) before we arrived meant we had a gorgeous view of the school in white.

(L to R) Teo Heng, Xiaotian, Michael, Jeffrey and me posing in front of the "Statue of 3 Lies"

Imagine Xiaotian's shocked look as he emerges from his shower to a lit cake.
Priceless.

Michael took us to a Dim Sum breakfast before we start touring

Us Strolling through Boston Common

Michael at the Boston Common,
The starting place for the Freedom Trail

Jeffrey was a victim of the Revolution

Me at Quincy Market
moment frozen in time

Xiaotian emerging from 294 steps at Bunker Hill.
"Don't fire until you see the whites of their eyes."

Dinner with Boston Lobster!

Nothing like Christmas Jazz on saxophone in the middle of Cental Park to give that almost-lonesome Christmas morning feeling.

Almost defining of Central Park.

After Trump Tower, Empire State Building,
it's time for New York Cheesecake!!
At Lindy's Cheesecake.

26 Dec 2005

Jeffrey and Me were supposed to be lifting the base of Liberty.
But I guess Xiaotian wanted to make a fool of us with his sublime photography skills.

Ground Zero

Ended the day at the UN (Interpreter!)
Xiaotian (left) shooting Jeffrey with the twisted gun
Like what I would have always said
"World Peace"

27 Dec 2005

The Metropolitan Museum of Art, or Met, crowded as ever.
Could have easily spent the whole day in the galleries of art and works.

At Madison Square Garden, World's famous Sports Arena, watching a basketball match!
Unfortunately not the Knicks.

Awarded best photo of the trip.
4 of us on Brooklyn Bridge.
Fantastic view.
Fantastic Friendship.

~~~~~

29 Dec 2005

Final Snowboarding Trip. At beautiful Lake Tahoe
erm, 18 hrs before flight time.

I'm allllll set!

Snowboarding again dude!

Xiaotian taking a break

Jeff getting it on!!!

And knowing the feeling of pain a moment later.

~~~~~

Yes, as you have suspected. I'm home already.

A long time ago, I really thought Lindsay Lohan was the cutest girl ever after watching "Parent Trap". 3 times no less.

I knew one day an Asian girl will prove me wrong.

Introducing Suzuka Ohgo, from Memoirs of a Geisha. She even has her own website!

I realised I haven't used the term "stoning" for a long while, as if it has vanish with time, along with some memories of days when I was 16 or so. Maybe that era has floated by us softly, in its misty and blurry partches.

I think it referred to a state of mind - one of inertia, of staring into blank spaces, of shutting down the engine of mind's works and just be in a state of being. At times it might comprise of deep ponders, at others it could just be nothingness.

But I could be not entirely right. After all, that word belonged to my generation, not me alone.

I stoned again today, after gym, outside the male restroom, watching the rain fall down hard. Haven't felt that blissful contentment in a while, and maybe it was a blessing in disguise that I forgot to bring my handphone out, taking away that possibility of toying with the phone in times of boredness. I was me again, 16, detached, and stoning.

Remembered again how I used to go on long hikes to remote, scenic parts of Singapore, to my favourite hidden spots, up Chestnut Drive by the reservior, top of Ubin, and many others discovered from my many years of scouting and hiking. Places I used to go and stone alone, the journey through forests and muddy patches all worthwhile. Spots I found the balance and made peace with myself.

The opportunities to go on such pilgrimages lessen as years flash by, and so did the times I could really stone and find myself.

I was never a very comunicative person; I seldom share my problems, prefering to keep them to myself. I think it to be my upbringing, with parents trusting me a lot to run my own life, I try not to burden them with my problems. And as time goes by, it just become a fact of my life - the oldest boy with 2 sisters, and becoming sensible, upright, down to earth and striving always to take care of myself. I find it hard to share. And my stoning times have proved to be good avenues for sorting out thoughts and problems.

Maybe truly I was happier. Contented. Had dreams. Had ideals.

Took a tumble during JC, and never fully recovered, and if I must say, I haven't found the passion, drive, focus and strength to lift me up to that level before JC again. And for a long time, I convinced myself that I've passed my peak, and could never rise to reach it.

SEP was an escape into a dream of mine, maybe some of you would have already known, a move that hopefully will rise me up again, even if for a temporary delusion. I wanted to know what it feels like to fulfill a dream again, what it feels like to be that person I always wanted to be, but failed.

And it did. On a trip that has me spending time again with the closest of friends since 15, I remembered how life used to be. A new uninhibited environment allowed me to change back to what I used to be, without the need to pleasing other issues and people. I understood what it felt like to learn and do well again, something I thought disappeared after O'Levels. I became confident of myself again, knowing that I am not always worse off than anyone else. I had time to myself to think through and focus. I felt loneliness, but I fought it. I could feel energy pulsating through my body. I even feel younger.

I must admit coming home was not as joyous as I imagined it to be. At times I felt enslaved by time and commitments, restrainted by CORS, drained by the weather. Questioned myself why is it that I can no longer do what I wish to do, study what I want to study. Bolts of frustration made me long for US again, where I am master of myself.

I kept my hair long. Because it reminded me of SEP, and how even my hair seemed to be of better quality. Also because it is what I looked like when I'm 16, all done to give myself the false impression of youth and drive, to not forget what it is like to have that self-belief of excellence, to be like that RI boy again.

The rain stopped pouring and started to drip. The humidity rising from the ground serves to remind me that I'm in Singapore now.

It was good to be abe to stone again, and to reprimand myself for dwelling in the past far too often, and for far too long. It was good whilst it lasted, but it was time to put past glories, dreams and failures behind and look forward. To keep the self-confidence regained during SEP and to build on it.

To find new contentment in new things, and not sought things that used to be.

Out of impulse, I rushed home to the barber and got my hair cut real short. Even though all the new numerous white hair will show beneath the dye I put after I got back - another illusion for me.

As the thick crops of hair fall around me, the SEP chapter is finally closed. As with sweet dreams ending, the tinge of sadness felt is almost immediately replaced by reality. Going back to sleep again will not continue the dream. It is time I face a new chapter.

of all horror, I had to write and give a speech in Chinese today.

I think the writing went well (I called it the 3am inspiration, Chelsea thinks it's very "me"), but I was too rushed in speaking, as usual, even in Chinese. The praises came, but I wondered which are genuine and which are done for the sake of it.

Whatever the case, I'm glad its done with, though I must say I was starting to enjoy myself on stage.

Here goes.


张俰宾博士，各位乡亲父老，各位同学，大家好。

我是许峻峰，我当然也是惠安人。今天，我很荣幸能代表2005年度大专及中小学奖学金的得主，上台讲话，对惠安公会颁发奖学金给32位惠安年轻学子表示感谢。

这些年来，在前辈们的努力下，惠安公会定期举办了许多的活动，从智能气功班、高尔夫球比赛，到书法比赛等，让同乡们都能在公会中找到适合自己的活动，找到属于自己的空间。

所谓青年是国家未来的栋梁。今天，我们身为学生在这里领受前辈们辛勤耕耘的成果，来日，我们必要饮水思源，继续在这人生的道路上努力学习，然后将这份薪火传承下去，将惠安人的精神发扬光大。

说到国家栋梁，相信在座的各位同学都是成绩良好的优秀的学生。在这竞争激烈的社会里，有人常道：“那些知道‘怎么做’的人可以找到工作，但那些明瞭‘为什么’的人，才能当上老板。”

这也让我想起了一个故事。

在多年前，有个游客就在埃及漫步游行。走着走着，他碰到一个工人在山旁割石砖。这好奇的游客就问这工人他在做什么。这工人用一副很累，很无兴趣的脸回答：“你看不见吗？我在割石砖！每块得差不多四米长，两米高，两米宽。随随便便，做完工就可以了。”说完，那工人就很不耐烦地转回身去割石砖。

那游客就继续往前走，不到几十米，就碰到另一个工人，一样地在山旁割石砖。这游客同样地问这工人他在做什么。这工人虽累，但带着点微笑回答：“我在割石砖啊！每块得四米长，两米高，两米宽。据说我割出来的石砖将成为一座相当了不起的建筑！”

那游客又继续往前走，碰到一个工人吹着口哨，在山旁细心的割石砖。这游客更好奇了，就问这工人在做什么。这工人很兴奋地回答：“我在帮忙建这世界上最壮观的金字塔！每块石砖一定要四米长，两米高，两米宽，不能疏忽，要不然工程就可能因我而失败了！”

学习也跟这故事一样。当你知道人生目标何在时，你就会认真地面对种种问题，不论多艰辛或多简单，也不会敷衍塞责，得过且过。知道‘怎么做’已不再足够了，因为如今大家都能得到同样的资料，同样的训练；谁都会割那石砖啊。但若能放眼看世界，了解长远计划，了解‘为什么’你得做某件事情，为什么得做功课，得考试，这不但使我们的学习更有意义，更有热忱，也能必备我们面对人生更难的考验，因为你会知道有许多知识是不能在课本上读到的，如态度，经验，信心与表达能力。

因此，我希望大家，不论是学生还是工作人士，能花点时间再记起自己曾定过的目标，想想是不是在烦恼着‘怎么做’的当儿只记得应付当前的困难而忘了起初定下的这长远目标。也在此希望各位会有一个非常充实的2006年！

谢谢大家！

I came to realise my sub-conscious can only bring me that far.

Like driving to school along the familiar routes that required little recalling. But yet, despite the cognizance of the structures of NUS, I still need to search deep within the brain to remember where LT14 is.

And also thinking hard at the Biz bus stop whether A1 or A2 goes to Science.

After 5 months of absence from NUS, I thought there were bound to be surprises, even the simple ones. I was not to be disappointed.

1) $1.90 Yong Tau Foo laksa from Arts Canteen for lunch. Beat that!

2) Having to queue up AND book a computer work station in Central Library? I felt disoriented, and am glad wasn't the only one that looked as blur sitting down AT a computer and wonderd why I can't log in.

3) School of Business admin is damn nice. Econs? er...

4) Bumming into familiar faces. Econs classmates, archery, Shilin, Gene, Koko and oh my gosh, even Desiree!

5) Feeling what it is like to walk through crowds in school again.

6) Typing in "U03xxxxx" when printing notes and feel old... everyone before and after typed "U05xxxxx"

7) Sat at the computer doing my bidding and bummed into Jamie (junior in RJC), who broke her bond with EDB (USD 90,000) and Northwestern University and now in NUS. That's crazy.

8) Really upset by CORS. Up till now, I only officially have 2 modules.

Next entry SHOULD be on Boston-New York =)

I was lonesome.

But I was free, tireless and spirited.

Emerging through a crowd of berms-wearing girls, gel-up hair young asian guys, hokkien-speaking parents and singlish-speaking-and-less-polite sales personnel at the duty free shops, I know I'm home.

Never thought Singaporeans sounded so distinctive before.

I even miss seeing the caucasians around who tower over me in built and height, but yet no longer imposing in nature. Suddenly I'm more wary of the alien presence of asians. Help. They're everywhere!

And I do miss the smiles and "good mornings" from and to the bus drivers in US, and even with the joggers in the mornings. I think we need to be mopre cultured, seriously.

Nothing much seemed to have changed, or maybe I would need to explore deeper, beyond the surface.

This entry is pretty much delayed, but in the short span of 3 days, I've met up with many people, eaten many food, taken the buses and trains and slanged less American english. Late also because my internet explorer was down due to some malicious spyware (just fixed), and it seemed the perfect welcome home - back to the old problems and yet simple pleasures of life.

Feeling the same old restraints, stresses and the same old commitments coming back to haunt me - all these almost forgotten in the last 4 months, and I know, it's time to start adjusting again.

But it's good to be spending Singapore dollars again.

Goodbye greenbacks.

Hey there Singapore. How'ya doing.